You log on to JDate, enter in your most ideal, most specific, most targeted preferences and up pops… that-guy/gal-you’ve-grown-up-with-your-entire-life-who’s-basically-like-family-but-you-aren’t-technically-related. At this point 2 things will go through your mind. First, the “Oh my gosh I can’t believe THIS is my match!? He/She is totally not my type, aside form the fact that we’ve known each other our entire lives, we would never work!” And then, “hmmm… I’ve never thought of him/her that way, I wonder if that would work, JDate seems to think so, could we even go there?”
Proceed with caution. You don’t want to ruin a lifelong friendship and risk awkward family gatherings in the future. But it could be Beshert. Wait til the next holiday when your families get together and then flirt a bit and see what kind of response you get. Drop subtle hints about being single and find out his or her status. If there’s chemistry then it should be obvious. If you’re confident that it’s mutual, then suggest going out for drinks and see where it leads. If things get awkward then back off and save the friendship by changing the conversation to setting each other up on dates.
About six years ago I was perusing my JDate matches at work and saw a familiar face. It belonged to the guy sitting in an office down the hall. Awkward! Besides the fact that I didn’t know he was Jewish or even single, do I let him know that I know he’s on JDate and, in fact, is one of my matches? As it happened I didn’t have to do anything. We started talking organically and although I already knew more about him from his JDate profile, I didn’t let on. But because I knew certain things about him — like the fact that he was Jewish, single and willing to be on JDate — I saw him differently. When he asked me out I happily accepted and only on our second date did I let him in on my secret. Of course, it didn’t work out for us, but for a time our relationship was all credit to JDate even though we didn’t technically meet there. JDate is a great way to do a background check on someone you meet elsewhere. Yeah, it can be considered cheating, but it also can give you some insight as to their personality and your commonalities and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just be careful during conversation that you don’t let on to your sneaky ways.
Why am I getting matches with guys who want women younger than I am?
Dear Cougar Alert,
JDate matches are not always based on age but also on similar interests and location. The hope is that you — and/or your match — will make an exception based on the preferences you have in common and not be turned off by the differences. Many people select an age range too narrow for realistic expectations of finding their Beshert, so JDate’s matches enable you and them to both see possibilities that you wouldn’t otherwise notice.
If you are interested in any of these guys you can write them and let them know that you received their profile as a match and, although you can see that you’re outside of their preferred age range, that you have this, that and the other in common and if he’s interested you look forward to receiving a reply.