Online dating works. It really does. Every site loves to advertise the success rate its “clients” have, not only meeting people and going out on dates, but also how many of them end up getting married. Of course I knew these testimonials I was seeing on television and reading online weren’t fabricated. Yet, they really didn’t hit home with me until someone close to me met a woman on JDate he eventually married.

Many of my friends have used online dating as a tool to meet people for far longer then I have. But this was the first time that I knew well got married to a person they had met online. To be honest this struck me in a slightly different way than when my friends have married their college sweethearts or gotten married to people they met at work or through friends. I don’t mean to imply that that difference is negative, but rather just that it’s new.

Over the past several years online dating has become mainstream and forever influenced and changed the way that people meet, interact and date, which is something many of us are currently benefiting from. In the end I don’t know if I will find my future wife on JDate, through a friend or at a coffee shop. But I do find it comforting to actually know someone who is a true online dating success story.

About six years ago I was perusing my JDate matches at work and saw a familiar face. It belonged to the guy sitting in an office down the hall. Awkward! Besides the fact that I didn’t know he was Jewish or even single, do I let him know that I know he’s on JDate and, in fact, is one of my matches? As it happened I didn’t have to do anything. We started talking organically and although I already knew more about him from his JDate profile, I didn’t let on. But because I knew certain things about him — like the fact that he was Jewish, single and willing to be on JDate — I saw him differently. When he asked me out I happily accepted and only on our second date did I let him in on my secret. Of course, it didn’t work out for us, but for a time our relationship was all credit to JDate even though we didn’t technically meet there. JDate is a great way to do a background check on someone you meet elsewhere. Yeah, it can be considered cheating, but it also can give you some insight as to their personality and your commonalities and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just be careful during conversation that you don’t let on to your sneaky ways.

My friend Lauren told me she recently froze her JDate account. She said she could be going on a date every night of the week with a different guy but none of them ever pan out and she’s exhausted from having the same first date conversation over and over and over again. She’s sick of giving opportunities to guys she knows aren’t right for her and never hearing from guys she thinks she hit it off with. Why is she having such a tough time getting closer to meeting her Beshert?

Lauren is active in the Jewish community – in fact she works for a Jewish organization so she has the scoop on every guy available – and she attends single events regularly. She’s doing everything right. I checked her JDate profile and her pictures are great, her descriptions are witty and her expectations are reasonable. She is always dressed well, make-up and hair done, smile on her face. She’s got a great personality: incredibly smart and funny, with the right amount of self-deprecation and sarcasm. She has a lot of great hobbies, is well-read and is able to speak on a number of topics to make for an interesting conversation partner. So why is she having such a tough time getting closer to meeting her Beshert?

Lauren doesn’t have any unsightly physical imperfections, she doesn’t have an ungainly demeanor, and she doesn’t have a hidden temper. Lauren comes from a wonderful, cohesive family and she has plenty of friends who adore her.  She volunteers and raises money for great causes. She’s an all-around great girl and I’m proud to call her one of my friends. So again, why is she having such a tough time getting closer to meeting her Beshert?

Lauren is far from alone, many single guys and gals also wonder why they’re still single when they have so much to offer. Sometimes they’re just blind to how they’re truly coming across on dates, but for the most part it’s simply timing. I told Lauren to take her break and then to jump right back into the dating world because her chances of meeting her Beshert are even slimmer by not being on JDate. I told her to keep going on JDates no matter how redundant they seem. Eventually it will happen for her. One date, one night, will seal her fate. It only takes one time for a date with seemingly repetitive questions and textbook answers to turn into your conversation partner for the rest of your life.

I know it’s easy for me to say this since I’m married now and not single anymore, but I tried to reassure Lauren by telling her that each day that goes by is one day closer to the day she meets her Beshert. It’s so cliché, but in dating patience and persistence are the keys to success. Blah, blah, blah, right? But what is Lauren going to do, give up and stay single the rest of her life when all she really wants to do is get married to her Beshert and start a family? No, she’s not. Some women are confident with being alone and independent for the rest of their lives, but Lauren doesn’t want to be one of those women.

For now, Lauren is dating in a healthy way by taking a break and keeping her sanity. I know she isn’t going to give up on love and I think she’ll be back online before she knows it. And soon enough I’ll be dancing the Hora at her wedding because I have a feeling she’s going to meet her Beshert in the near future.

Dear Tamar,

I’ve belonged to JDate for many years, but the format has definitely changed.  I am 75 and want to see men 75-79.  HOW DO I GO ABOUT THIS???

Dear New Profile Format Help!,

It always takes me time to get used to new formats. It took me months to stop noticing and getting annoyed by the new Facebook and Twitter formats so I’m sure it’s frustrating when your favorite dating website changes things on you. But don’t fret, I’m here to help! First, take some time to explore the new site. Play with different levers: change your preferences, fill out the Color Code personality quiz, use the Click!® and Flirt features, send messages, play Secret Admirer or answer the fun trivia questions and so on. You have a realistic age range, so then be flexible and tinker with the other categories. Most importantly, be patient while you adjust to the new format.

I can now admit that I didn’t always used to act very lady-like when a waiter would get my order wrong. See, I’m allergic to onions and I always say “no onions please” when I order my food but 9 times out of 10 my food arrives with scallions sprinkled on top. Um, did you know that scallions are a form of onion? I did. So are chives. Shocker right? Well, the waiter and/or cook must not be educated on this topic and it irks me to no end. I used to lose my cool, give dirty looks, speak in a nasty tone and just be plain rude. Would I get a new dish without onions that was probably comped (and spit on)? Sure. But it would also ruin our dinner.

I was totally unaware of my behavior but others were not. Finally, my then-boyfriend-now-husband let me know and told me he wouldn’t stand for it and found it to be a huge turn-off. He told me the cold hard truth – I was embarrassing myself and the people I was with (including him) by acting like an ungrateful, spoiled brat. He asked me if I wanted people to think of me in an ugly manner. Of course the answer was no. He told me that if I didn’t change he would have to seriously rethink our relationship because he wouldn’t marry somebody who didn’t respect the hard-working people of the service industry. Obviously that got my attention. I was completely oblivious to my own facial expressions and tones but I was aware when others acted in an ugly manner in restaurants or stores and I didn’t like it. I didn’t want others to look at me that way anymore, especially not my significant other.

So I changed and for the better. I order more specifically and make sure to show the waiter a smile and appreciation for having to customize my order. Does my food still arrive with onions sometimes? Sure. But I recognize how hard the waiter is working and sweetly ask for my food to be replaced. My now-husband is incredibly proud of me and recently when the waiter got my order wrong three times in a row he was impressed by my self-restraint and ability to keep my composure.

It doesn’t matter if you’re on the worst date ever, don’t lose your cool on the waiter. It’s okay to be thought of as that person there was no chemistry with but you don’t want to be remembered as rude. And if you’re on a date that’s borderline – still being decided if it’s going well or not – you don’t want to influence it for the worse because you were inconsiderate. Finally, if a date is going great, don’t ruin it by being ungrateful and impolite.

Women always say they want a man who treats his mother well, but it’s more telling how he treats the waiter. If he thinks the waiter is his personal servant it’s likely he’ll think of you that way, too, one day. And ungrateful women will most definitely be categorized as snobs and no one wants to marry a snob. You may say you don’t care what people think of you but you also don’t want to be thought of anything less than positive, right?

It’s the little things like saying “please” and “thank you” and actually meaning it that go a long way. It shows you are mature, have good manners and understand the value of hard work. Those are the virtues to want in your husband or wife and the mother or father of your future children.

Internet dating may get flack from smug members of the analog dating community, but in one very important arena, is it vastly superior. Internet dates happen. If you make plans with someone on JDate, they invariably occur at the time and location specified during plan-making. Despite the higher accountability one should have to a friend-of-a-friend met at a party over a stranger from the Internet, the plans I make with men met in the real world are far more tenuous. Stomachaches and double bookings, are the two most popular excuses. While I am a generous giver of the benefit of the doubt, the frequency with which these excuses have been made lately makes me wonder if it is me, not them. With that I will close, and express gratitude to the powers that be that there is no chance for the public to comment below.

Dear Tamar,

I’m shocked about why people don’t get you back to you when you e-mail them. WHY… don’t they complete their profiles if they are here to be serious? You’re here for a reason, so WHY not reply, be polite or at least fill in your profiles?

Dear Why oh WHY?,

I can sense your frustration in your CAPS LOCK, LOL. I’ll say this — if a person isn’t filling out their profile or replying to your email then its not someone you want to date so they’ve made it easy for you. It does suck and I don’t get it either. You’re right, why are these people on JDate if they’re not putting forth the full effort to meet their Beshert? I always recommend that people fill out their profiles fully and at least reply with a polite rejection. Try to keep your sanity by remembering that these people are not your Beshert and move on to the next prospect.

JDate has unveiled the beta version of the new profile makeover and it’s going to make your time on JDate easier than ever! Your excuse that you don’t have time is no longer plausible because JDate is doing the dirty work for you! Not only can you see all the photos nice ‘n big without having to go to the next page but JDate tells you right away what you have in common and lists what items are most important up front. That means no more searching for height, parental status, smoker or not or job and education — those non-negotiables are front and center so you can see if you’re a match right away.

The added scroll of photos at the t0p means it’s more important than ever to have your main photo be an eye catcher. That means it needs to be a close-up so people can see your face in a tiny thumbnail, it shouldn’t be a profile view or have anyone (or anything) in the pic with you. We want to see your face! No sunglasses, no hats, no dark photos without flash. You need to stand out in a sea of people. You have so many more options to post photos, save the underexposed one with your dog standing by the tall tree for option #4.

Since I’m a proponent of dressing for the weather, there is lots of exposed skin in my near future as the city goes from pleasant, to disgustingly hot and humid. My ankles are already making the neighborhood rounds in some sockless flats.

I inaugurated my residency here last year by discovering the joys of NYC street meat and bodega sandwiches, and my waist line was a reflection of this love affair. This summer, I will not wallow in self-pity and muumuus as I try to secure myself dates with old, now slightly inaccurate photographic representations of myself. I’ve decided instead to be proactive, and have embarked on a fitness program that will have me back in my early JDate shape, this time with  more muscle.

It’s been many years since I’ve devoted significant amounts of time to the pursuit of fitness, but the results are already appreciable. A quick audit found that three out of four cat callers are in favor of what I’ve been doing. If these cat callers are speaking the minds of the more reticent JDate community, it is time for me to update my profile pictures.

As my long, neglected Internet dating inbox beckons to me with new, unread messages, I have, with no reluctance, begun a correspondence with multiple admirers of my profile. The attention feels good, even if it is only two-dimensional at present. With the city as my oyster for opportunities to meet and greet gentleman of the real world, it is not for lack of options that I return to the warm embrace of JDate. It just feels natural to once again incorporate the virtual venue into my dating repertoire. While JDates have yet to be arranged, I imagine an awkward conversation over drinks with a fine upstanding Jewish stranger is imminent. In the mean time, I will pluck my eyebrows in anticipation, while I scan my inbox for notes worthy of response.