Because I Had a Bad Day

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating

My friend Julie had an awful day yesterday and in turn it possibly ruined her promising JDate last night. It started off with a bang, literally. Someone started setting off illegal fireworks in the street at 3am waking up a sleeping Julie.  After finally falling back asleep an hour later, she slept through her alarm and was late running out the door. After driving 45 minutes in rush hour traffic she arrived in court to find out the case was being continued. Finally when she got back to her office there was a message waiting for her from one of the law firm’s partners asking her to come and see him. Since there wasn’t a reference as to what the meeting was about, Julie became very nervous and started biting her freshly manicured nails.

The partner told Julie they need her to start taking on more responsibilities. Julie is already swamped at work with files stacked over her head, and she works longer hours than anyone else – even newer associates! Needless to say she became aggravated and chewed her way through ten nails worth of polish. Her lunch order was delivered wrong, except of course she didn’t discover it until it was too late, and then she got a text from her mother telling her a close family relative was in the hospital. Whew!

By the time Julie left work, the office was empty, and she had to run home to freshen up for the JDate she had previously been extremely excited about but now was dreading. She had thought about canceling but ran out of time during the day to call, so now she was stuck going on the JDate in a terrible mood, with no energy and barely enough time to roll on some fresh deodorant. Julie called me on her way and I gave her a pep talk. I reminded her how excited she was about this prospect – his qualities, hobbies and looks, all of which she was attracted to. I told her to start with faking a smile while she was talking to me since smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy and this will cause her negative mindset to turn positive. By the time she arrived at the restaurant, I think she was in a better mood, but it still wasn’t going to be the best representation of who she is.

So what can you do when you’re having a bad day and are supposed to go on a date? You can try and reschedule – simply call early enough in the day, explain that your day is sucking and you want to be at your best for the date and see if he or she is available later that week. If you can’t reschedule for anytime soon, let your JDate know you’d rather see him or her sooner rather than later and you’ll just try and turn your day around and that you look forward to the date ending your day on a better note. If, like Julie, it’s too late to reschedule, then try to at least see if you can push back the time of the date so you have time to go home and freshen up, maybe take a quick soak in the tub to decompress or a cold shower to wake you up, definitely reapply deodorant and change your clothes. Try to separate business from pleasure and remember: your life partner is going to have to support you through thick and thin, so there’s no reason to pretend your life is perfect. Try to keep your description of your bad day to a minimum and get back to getting to know each other discussing fun, positive topics.

Repeat JDater

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been on JDate before and received plenty of interest in the form of IM’s, emails and the like. I’m back on this site for a third time, and I am getting no replies to my profile. Everytime I log in my inbox is empty and I get no messages when I’m online. Moreover, when I email or IM men whose profiles I like, I don’t get any responses! Is there something I can do about my profile to make it better? I’m starting to lose confidence (and hope!) because of this! Anything you can suggest would be very much appreciated!

Dear Repeat JDater®,

Sorry you’re not having any success this go ’round. I’m sure you’re totally frustrated but try to look at your profile from a different perspective. If you’re not getting ANY messages or responses than there’s something immediate that’s turning men off instantly. Actually, that’s an easier fix than most. This means your main photo may not be showing you in the best light or your first sentence may be off-kilter. Change those 2 things up and use a trusted friend’s opinion and approval beforehand and I’m sure your luck will change. In addition, take the opportunity to make sure the men whom you’re trying to attract are appropriately suited for you in age range and other categories.