Everyone and No One and Anyone

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

If everyone is on JDate then how come people complain to me “there’s no one on JDate!” Or, why do they lament about being unable to find anyone on JDate!? The people who make these statements and ask these questions run the gamut, from males to females, old and young, straight and gay, short and tall, and so on.

My answer is always simple: they’re out there, you’re just not looking hard enough. Typically people fall into two categories: they either tend to have their preferences set too narrowly and therefore don’t have a large pool of prospects to choose from and get frustrated by the lack of options — or they have their preferences set way too broadly and have far too many prospects to scroll through, and then get overwhelmed until everyone’s profiles begin to blend together.

In my book, “How to Woo a Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating,” I recommend beginning with the former and setting your preferences to your absolute “perfect” idea of a match, and then broadening your options slowly from there. That will allow you time to see who’s out there and what one year of age, or one inch, or one level of education translates to in regards to the number of prospects you find. This will help you easily determine who is new to your search results in a slow and deliberate manner.

Here’s an example from one of my female clients, “Jamie,” age 34, of her ideal match:

  • woman seeking a man
  • age 34-39
  • located within 25 miles of her city
  • marital status: single
  • religion: reform, traditional, culturally Jewish, conservative
  • ethnicity: any
  • smoking: no
  • drinking: socially, on occasion
  • height: 6’0-6’6
  • body style: athletic
  • education: bachelor’s, master’s, JD/PhD
  • kosher: not at all
  • temple: on high holidays, sometimes
  • has kids: no
  • plans on having children: yes
  • custody: any
  • activity level: very active, active, selected activities
  • languages: english
  • willing to relocate: no

After I tweaked Jamie’s profile, we slowly adjusted one category at a time until she had a good number of options without compromising on her preferences too much. With age and height, we adjusted one year and one inch, respectively, at a time. This is how it looks now:

  • woman seeking a man
  • age 33-41
  • located within 50 miles of her city
  • marital status: single, divorced,
  • religion: reform, traditional, culturally Jewish, conservative
  • ethnicity: any
  • smoking: no
  • drinking: socially, on occasion
  • height: 5’10-6’9
  • body style: athletic, lean, firm, muscular, average, proportional
  • education: bachelor’s, master’s, JD/PhD
  • kosher: not at all
  • temple: on high holidays, sometimes
  • has kids: no
  • plans on having children: yes
  • custody: any
  • activity level: very active, active, selected activities
  • languages: english
  • willing to relocate: no

Jamie went from having about 60 prospects, many of which she knew already, to having more than 200 prospects, many of which she had never seen before. Put a little elbow grease into your profile and preferences, and your prospects will increase in quality and quantity!


Live from My Younger Brother’s Twin Bed

by Adam under Relationships

Tamar had an interesting post last week, called “Want to Attract a Rich Man?” Obviously, when every girl is growing up, they dream of having the lavish wedding, with Disney Princesses, and a pizza buffet (wait, maybe that’s just me), complete with a Prince Charming of a husband who might bear slight semblance to Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

So, say it’s a Tuesday night, and you’re out to dinner with a great guy. This guy wants to share has hopes and dreams with you, opens the door for you, wears freshly pressed clothes, and even remembered which Real Housewives city you enjoyed most. But then, as you end the date… he drops the bomb: “I’m unemployed.”

How do you deal with that?

In surveying a few of my friends, most do not want to date the unemployed. Around 75 percent say the stigma involved with being unemployed is just too much.

However, one of my friends differs. She says, “It depends. Why is he unemployed? Is he actively seeking employment? Does he have a business plan? Did he go to college?”

She continues though, “There’s always the potential that this person could move away. Do you want to uproot your life, especially in the event that this person becomes unemployed… again?”

Here’s a different take on it: Does it matter your age unemployment-wise? Is the stigma worse for a 40 or 50 year-old than it is for a 20-something? When is the appropriate time to talk about someone’s employment status?

The city I live in, Austin, Texas, is known as a startup-friendly city. Naturally, a wide variety of people with great ideas, but not necessarily funding, roam the city searching for a way to grow their business. Do they have success with dating? Some do. Is it capable of lasting long-term? That’s the question many entrepreneurs face, and the question many women ask themselves when going out with them. These guys aren’t unemployed, but they don’t have cash coming in… for now.

This begets the million dollar question… is dating an unemployed man… a bad thing?


Utilizing J-Dar

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

Have you ever tried to meet someone outside of JDate? It ain’t easy. You have to utilize your J-Dar and even then it’s not always accurate. JDate is the only place you can securely go to find only Jews (although the rare goy joins sometimes) but the reality is you are going to meet people in public. You don’t want to begin a conversation with a guy and possibly start to like him before you know if he’s Jewish. But you also can’t exactly come right out and ask him, because let’s face it, that’s a bit odd. So, you have to use your instinct and resort to asking subtle questions or making sly comments that will hopefully solve the mystery.

Years ago a girlfriend and I went a new sports bar to watch football’s biggest game of the year. A tall, hot guy with warm brown eyes looked my way and then sent over drinks before joining us. His name was Jason and my J-Dar thought there could be a possibility he was Jewish, but Julie was adamant he was anything but. Out of the blue, Julie asks him if he prayed for a Patriots win that morning. His answer: he had gone to Mass the night before. Score one for Julie. Not only was this guy not a Yid, he was Irish Catholic.

My girlfriends and I have placed bets on a guy’s Jew probabilities. The odds are, nine times out of ten he isn’t, but sometimes that one guy sneaks in under the J-Dar without any of us noticing.

On Valentine’s Day a few years ago, my girlfriend Miryam and I were both single so we decided to go out and get our flirt on. We ended up at a new lounge where I immediately saw another tall, attractive man with deep brown eyes (yes, I have a type). Miryam’s J-Dar didn’t even flicker, and I actually agreed with her, but it being Valentine’s Day and me being single, I decided to throw caution to the wind and flirt my heart out. His name was Stephen and in a shocking turn of events, he actually asked me if I was Jewish. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I answered yes and a huge smile spread across his face while he exclaimed that he too was Jewish. He told me he was really excited because he never meets attractive Jewish girls out on the town. I asked him if he ’s ever gone to any Jewish events and of course his answer was no. Gotta admit that was a huge turn-off: if he wanted to meet a Jewish girl so badly, then why was he wasting his time bar-hopping?

If your J-Dar’s not working, try using Hebrew and Yiddish phrases during normal conversation and see if he picks up on it. This is both a subtle and entertaining way to find out if a guy is Jewish.

My friend Sara and I were once at a bar when two good looking guys approached. My J-Dar was all over the place and Sara didn’t seem to have much of a clue either. That’s when I slipped in an “oy vey” as two waitresses nearly collided. Sara picked up on my plan and added a “la’breut” when one of the guys sneezed. But it was when the guys bought us drinks and we toasted with a “l’chaim” that we knew we had our answer: the two guys looked so helpless and confused Sara and I started giggling. The goys must have thought we were totally mishegas with our shtick. Feh!

If you really want to go to a “normal” bar to meet someone Jewish, then try going to a bar in Tel Aviv. No guessing involved. And it’s not technically a Jewish organized event, it just happens to be a bar in the Jewish State of Israel. If you’re able to find out where the “Anglo” bar is, you may even meet yourself an American Jew about to graduate from Medical School at Tel Aviv University who’s applied for an internship at a nearby hospital. Every mother’s dream!

Keep being active on JDate, but if you’re caught meeting someone in public and you’re questioning their religion, remember the tips above. But you never know… that guy wearing a cross may have some cute, single Jewish friends that he would be happy to introduce you to.

Tags: ,

Drinking While JDating

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

As Jews, we’re given a sip of wine every Shabbat dinner and many studies have shown that being allowed that sip keeps us from becoming crazy drinkers. Well, that study goes out the window when dating comes into play. Now, I’m not condoning drinking, but when you’re actively JDating, you’re suddenly going out every other night to bars, dinner or dancing. It’s not a coincidence that the venues most dates take place at are the same venues that serve alcohol.

Drinking while you’re on a JDate is a very sensitive subject because there’s a fine line between being buzzed and being wasted… and wasted is not something you want to be while on a JDate. Whether it’s your first or 101st date, getting drunk very seldom turns out for the best. It’s always nice to have one, maybe two drinks to take the edge off, relax and let the conversation flow. It’s never nice to vomit uncontrollably because you don’t know how to hold your liquor.

As chivalrous as it may seem, a man having to hold your hair back as you puke is not a turn-on for him. And a woman having to jump out of the way when the man passed out on her shoulder decides to get sick is even more disgusting. If I have to get my clothes dry-cleaned after a date because of vomit, I’m probably not going to be in a hurry to answer your next phone call. And if you get so wasted on a date that you don’t remember how you ended up back at home and in bed, don’t be shocked when the guy never calls you again.

There’s probably a rule of thumb we should all stick to when on a JDate. A slight buzz is all that’s really necessary. If you need more in order to endure the date, you should probably call it a night. Don’t risk losing face, or your stomach, just for the sake of trying to make the date as bearable as possible. You don’t want to make the mistake of drinking too much because you don’t like your date and then lowering your inhibitions. Even if you like your date, don’t drink too much so as to cloud your judgement. If you must have a drink to let your guard down, one or two drinks max are all you really need… or better yet, stick to the Manischewitz.


JDating Week 6 is now Live!

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

Hello, this is your JDate Webmaster!  I’ll jump in periodically with cool new updates  and features to the site that you should check out while on the search for romance.

JDating is our brand new reality Webisode series providing an intimate and hysterical look at eight JDaters on their journeys to find their soul mates.  Best described as a When Harry Met Sally meets Sex and the City-inspired narrative, JDating has been delivered in weekly installments.  Today marks the conclusion of the first season, with the release of the Week 6 Webisodes.  Watch below:

Take a look at Week 6 on our JDateTV page.

Tags: