under Date Night
In general, jealousy is an ugly trait. When you recognize jealousy within yourself, it typically is an indication of your own insecurities. Unfortunately most people don’t make that connection… which is why jealousy is generally unhealthy.
But, every so often, jealousy can be healthy. Healthy jealousy is that feeling you get when you didn’t notice how hot your date looks (and didn’t give them a compliment either), but catch others checking them out with admiration. At first you may get pissy and feel that others are disrespecting you by checking out your date right in front of you — that’s the jealousy. But then you realize that your date is hot and they deserve to know you think so — that’s the healthy part.
Sometimes it takes that little bit of that green-eyed monster to help you appreciate what you have sitting right in front of you.
Sometimes when I’m walking to work in the morning, I see couples holding hands and women pushing their babies around in a stroller, and I can’t help but be jealous. And as I just blew out 26 candles on my most recent birthday cake, I started to wonder if any of that is ever going to happen for me. No matter how many times I tell myself to relax or be happy with my current situation, I start to get nervous as I question if I’m doing this whole “dating” thing wrong. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going on more second or third dates with people I don’t see any potential with in the long run? Should I focus all my free time on browsing through JDate and messaging back strangers in email conversations that could potentially go nowhere?
- Do: If you are feeling like you are lost or down about being single, take a moment to figure out why or what is making you feel that way. Then, channel that energy into doing something about it. Spend a few more minutes each day browsing JDate, messaging people, and responding to emails.
- Don’t: Get down when you see others around you in a relationship. Jealousy won’t catapult you ahead or push you in a positive direction. Instead, compliment others and let them know how much you appreciate seeing them happy and wish that for yourself.
Say hello to Jen Glantz @tthingsilearned
under Online Dating
I see this happen quite often. Friends finding their match – whether online or through other friends. It sometimes feels like it’s so easy for them, and yet so hard for everyone else. Either way, when it happens, it’s most important to be happy for them. Here’s how you can work on doing that:
- Do: Be sure to congratulate them on their new relationship and be happy for them. Even if at first you are overcome with jealousy, that feeling will pass. There’s no reason to explode those jealous feelings on your friends. Keep them to yourself — if possible.
- Don’t: Feel as though the world around you is moving in a different direction and it’s somehow, someway, easier for everyone else to meet someone. People enter relationships for all different reasons, at all different times in their lives. It’s important that you don’t compare and contrast your life with anyone else.
I was dating this guy for the past 3 years in an “open” but committed relationship. He had a lot of issues, but the biggest one is that he all of a sudden wanted more children and I cannot have children. I agreed to “open” dating as long as there’s honesty and that we would tell each other if either of us met someone else. It took some prodding but he finally admitted he was going on a date with another woman. At that point I realized “open” dating wasn’t for me and that I couldn’t continue in this relationship. He is insisting we be friends but I said NO. I am truly having a difficult time getting through this. What do you think?
You said it yourself, this guy has a lot of issues (I deleted the information for privacy’s sake, but you and I both know what they are and you should receive an award for making it 3 years!) and I think you are waaaay better off without him. I don’t see the need to be friends with exes, especially one that disrespected you. I think a clean cut-off would be best, both for you to get over him and for him to realize that he can’t treat people the way he treated you.
I also don’t believe that agreeing to “open” dating ever works out. Someone always, always, gets their feelings hurt. It’s one thing to be dating other people before you have “The Talk” but it’s quite another thing to see other people and not think you’re going to get jealous. Next time, either make the commitment to a guy or don’t, but this messy middle area should be avoided. Good Luck!