Morphine Over Martinis

by SweetLo under JBloggers,Single Life

Recently I took a little staycation to vacation destination of girls donning tramp stamps and guys with more needle usage than L.A. Ink: The E.R.! On this little impromptu adventure, I developed a little checklist to pass the time. Ladies, allow me introduce you to my “you know you’re a single Jewish female if” checklist! So without further ado, you know if:
1. You postpone your trip to the emergency room in order to put on your makeup, just in case you meet a Jewish doctor, aka McDreamy.
2. Morphine becomes a welcome substitute for martinis.
3. While on the verge of death your grandmother pauses to tell you to put on blush because you’re looking a little too pale.
4. You decide to cut the Jewish MD search short due to all the sick people trying to cramp your style.
5. You request a new hospital gown because the one you’re supposed to wear isn’t flattering. And the green color makes you look sick. Eww.
6. Hospital food makes fasting look great. And coincidentally does great things for your figure.
7. You start to wonder why the hell non-essential organs are included in your body if they are, in fact, non essential. You make a mental note to write a strongly-worded letter to HRH asking for a suitable reason.
8. Somewhere between the morphine and the lack of food you wonder why you couldn’t get to the ER on a day when your hair is actually working for you.
9. You conveniently voice your Chanukah list while writhing in pain. After all, you learned the Jewish guilt thing from the best, and isn’t imitation the sincerest form of flattery?
10. If Jerry’s Famous Deli delivers, you’d like to get the chicken soup hooked up to your IV.
11. Last, but certainly not least, you wonder why this ER is allowed to exist when it is nothing like Seattle Grace. Make mental note to seek out the magical med center that comes complete with various McHotties, in addition to morphine
If you have said yes to two or more from the list above, seek medical attention immediately. And do it on a day your hair is working for you.