Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker and author of Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate recently made headlines because of some recent comments she made about Jewish men being liars. In light of her recent comments, we’ve dug into the JDate archives and pulled out a few excerpts from a JMag® interview we did with Stanger a couple of years ago.  See what Stanger had to say about the topics of Jewish dating and Jewish men to Greg Liberman, President and CEO of Spark Networks®, owner and operator of JDate, the leading online community for Jewish singles.

Some highlights:

When Liberman asked Stanger about the dynamics between men and women she responded similarly to her recent interview. She said, “If you’re over 40 and you’re not getting any hits and you look younger, drop a few years off your age. Just to get in the window. But, no more than five. Don’t do a 10-year drop. You’re going to get into in trouble with that. We’ve seen men lie about their age, their height, their weight. So it’s not uncommon for men to lie. It’s been the same story. If you’re a woman in your 40s, you should date guys in their late 40s or 50s. If they’re being really particular about it because they want to have children, leave those men alone and go for a better man who’s maybe been divorced with kids. But don’t give up hope, he’s out there!”

But don’t be fooled while Stanger might seem to be hard on our Jewish men she’s still got a soft place in her heart for them as well. Liberman asked Stanger, “As a Jewish woman, do you feel that there are cultural differences between Jews and non-Jews when it comes to dating and relationships?” to which Stanger responded “I still believe that Jewish men are the best husbands because they’re providers. And there is still the whole thing where the woman gets to stay home, raise the kids, and the husband slays the dragons at work.”

What are your thoughts? Does Patti Stanger have it right or is she being too tough on our Jewish men? Comment below.

Have you heard JDate is responsible for more Jewish marriages than Match.com®  and eHarmony®  combined?

We’re celebrating more than just the beginning of the Jewish New Year. A new study confirms that JDate is responsible for more Jewish marriages than all other dating sites combined. Of course we already knew this was true, but now we have the facts to back it up.

We recently commissioned an independent research company, ResearchNow, to survey nearly 1,000 married Jewish internet users. One of the most compelling findings: JDate is responsible for 52% of the marriages that started online, while only 17% of those surveyed met on Match.com® and 10% on eHarmony®.

Those who were surveyed were more likely to find a date on JDate than on any other online dating site. In fact, 63% of all online dates came from JDate. That’s three times more than Match and nine times more than eHarmony.

We couldn’t be happier about JDate’s success and contribution to the Jewish community, and are thrilled to share the good news!

Additional Highlights

·         5 out of 9 Jews married since 2008 used online dating during their search

·         63% of online dates amongst Jews originated at JDate

·         76% of Jewish online daters use JDate

·         Match.com’s President even used JDate

Dear Tamar,

My family has known that my Grandma was Jewish though she became a Christian after all her family died when she was 10. She always told us about anything she could pertaining to Israel and she even visited three times, bringing back a Star of David for all her granddaughters. I’ve proudly worn the necklace since I was 5 years old. Thanks to the internet, I’ve learned that both of my mother’s parents were Jewish and so was my father’s mother’s side! I’ve decided I want to convert and be with my people. The question is, can I claim to be Jewish before I convert?

Dear New Jew,

What an interesting story! I would select the denomination of Judaism you are converting to and write in your profile that, although you are Jewish by blood, you were not raised Jewish and are in the midst of converting. Your story is going to be a hot topic so be prepared to tell it again and again and again. Some dates are going to want to hear details about the legitimacy of your Jewishness and your conversion, so don’t get offended when you’re questioned.

Last week I went out with a guy who is not Jewish. After sharing with him the particulars of my blogging operations, he mentioned he has used JDate in the past to meet women. I’ve always wondered about the motives of the non-Jewish JDaters®. I’ve wondered where their nice Catholic parents went wrong. I wonder if this is a case of wide net casting or something deeper. I jumped on this rare opportunity to inquire about all of the above. Said gentleman was clear on the point that he is no Jewish girl fetishist (well not exactly, he qualified). He simply would like to meet an intellectual woman who is not exclusively interested in men over six feet tall. He has found us Jewish women extraordinarily datable.

I thought he was very cool and cute and accepted his reasoning for joining the site. I’m very glad we met outside the context of JDate though, because while I romantically don’t discriminate on the basis of religion, I think of JDate as a party boat with a guest list, and when I’m on the boat, I don’t always welcome party crashers’ winks with a smile.

I was sitting at a dinner party the other night when word got around that I write about dating.  Suddenly all of the hostess’ girlfriends wanted advice from me, who they now called the “Jewish Carrie Bradshaw.” Flattered, I felt an obligation to try and help these single women in their early 20′s. As an “older” woman (nearly 30… they probably considered me ancient), I had an obligation to impart some wisdom.

My first question: “are you on JDate?” elicited one unusual response:  a guttural sound emanated from Danielle’s throat while her face distorted into a look of disgust.  While the corners of her lips turned down with her upper lip peaked into a snarl, her eyes became slits and her jaw tensed up. She finally recovered from her bout with repulsion and simply said, “ew.” And I could tell she was starting to doubt her opinion of me as the cool, older sister-type.

As for me, I couldn’t help but start laughing.  I remembered I used to think the same way when I was her age. But still I eventually did sign up for a JDate membership where I found dozens upon dozens of eligible bachelors and was happily surprised to know I was in good (and good-looking) company.

I told Danielle that I too had preconceived notions about JDate, but found it to be a place where ALL Jews go to look for their beshert.  By signing up on JDate, there would be hundreds of thousands of single Jewish men from around the world literally at her fingertips. She could narrow them down at her behest, whether by area, age, or however her critical heart desires.

As the JDate conversation continued most of the other people at the dinner party, guys and gals alike, all proudly stated that they too were on JDate. Danielle quickly became the odd woman out and I could tell she was even excited to sign up. She had discovered that JDate is not the place where desperate people go but rather where the “cool” people are.

*all names have been changed

I believe a quick discussion can go a long way in assessing compatibility. As a girl who is single with an affinity for working a room, I equate all parties and social gatherings to a speed dating event. While I have met mild success this way, a legitimate speed dating event would eliminate certain setbacks encountered at a standard party. What this means is that at a regular party of course, a sizable chunk of my interlocutors will be conditional non-starters. Some will be married, some will not be interested in women, and some will be moving to Switzerland on Tuesday. These guys are not always easy to distinguish from their available counterparts and might not let you know their status until the end of your five minute “date” with them. Lately I’ve had a hankering to attend an actual speed dating event where everyone has a like minded goal. Little did I know that these gatherings have strong Jewish roots. Wish me luck as I explore this new frontier.

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been seeing a man who’s not Jewish that I met on a dating site 7 months ago.  We’ve said we love each other, however when we first met, it was Hanukkah and he bought me a huge number of gifts and it felt uncomfortable and overwhelming.  He also bought a menorah and a book about Judaism. It felt like too much for me and he felt rejected by the way I felt. Since then, I thought we had moved on and have spent almost every day together. Recently, he was reading my e-mail and saw a letter I had written to my Rabbi back in January where I had doubts about the relationship because of the fact he wasn’t Jewish. He broke my trust and has apologized but feels hurt I felt that way when we had already been dating for a few months and wants to take a break for a month. I want to respect his wishes but I miss him and know he misses me as he did write me yesterday. I’m just trying to understand whether we have broken up or not and if I should move on or if we are truly taking time to figure out what we want with the intention of possibly getting back together. I don’t understand how you can work something out without talking about it. Can you provide some input and help me to understand? Thank you!

Dear Dazed & Confused,

My initial impulse is to ask: why are you on JDate asking for advice about a relationship with a non-Jew? But the answer doesn’t matter, I’m happy to help as long as you answer a question for yourself first: how important is it to you to marry a Jew? This answer does matter. When you first had doubts, you went to your Rabbi. Now you have doubts again and you’re coming to JDate, so my inclination is to believe that religion is important to you and while you’re on this break you should really think deeply about it. It sounds like this guy might be willing to convert, have you discussed it? If you want to be with this guy – Jewish or not – you need to get him on the phone and then in person to talk. A few days apart to think things through is understandable, each of you needs to put things in perspective and decide what you want from each other, if anything. But now it’s time to get talking because you’re right – you can’t work on a relationship without both parties being present. Good luck!

I just returned from a Birthright trip where I was surrounded by 40-some American and young Israeli Jewish people on a hot bus for 10 days straight. Due to the intimate living conditions, this program has a notorious 10-year track record for churning out many Jewish matches made in the heavenly land of Israel. I was under the impression that a new Jewish boyfriend would be a souvenir I would return with without question, like Dead Sea lotion and a Kafia.  Alas, El Al delivered me to JFK sans husband.  I would demand a refund, but the trip was entirely paid for by philanthropists. Plus I got to go for a camel ride.

When we were not riding camels and floating in salty water, we were talking. At one point our group leaders engaged us in a discussion on whether we believe dating and marrying other Jews is important or necessary. As a secular agnostic who practices Judaism by lending out Philip Roth to boys who have complicated relationships with their moms and appreciating the flavor combination of lox and cream cheese, I struggle with this issue. Though we were sitting on astroturf for this discussion, I was inspired by the beauty of Mt. Masada in the distance and shared the following revelation with my group: When I date Jewish people, there is an intangible understanding between us hard to express in words. They knew what I meant. I would like to thank JDate for the existence of its extensive database of New York City area residents with whom I can share this unspeakable feeling with.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I had two serious relationships, the last of which ended almost four years ago.  I’ve dated a lot since then, but no one longer than three and a half months.  Both of my serious relationships ended because of the religion issue (i.e., they weren’t Jewish).  Both girls were incredible and we had amazing relationships otherwise.

I feel like I can’t find the same spark with anyone I’ve dated since.  I’ve actually liked a lot of the girls I’ve dated and I’m even friends with two of them, but it’s just not the same.  I fully believe this issue is mine.  I’ve never really sought out a professional to ask how I can overcome whatever issue I have.  I’m very successful in every other area of my life.

Thanks for your help. I’m very interested to hear your thoughts.

Regards,
M

Dear Serious Relationships,

I am wondering if you are comparing these two past relationships to the women you are dating now? Sometimes people tend do this without even being aware that they are doing it.. You knew these relationships from your past were not going to work out, but you chose to stay even though you knew neither was right for you.  Have you considered the possibility that perhaps you don’t want a successful relationship?  I’m not necessarily saying this is your truth, but it is something for you to think about.  Spend some time figuring out what the “spark” you felt really was. Was it knowing these relationships were a no-no, or was it true chemistry? If you truly want a serious relationship, make your list of your non-negotiable items, including the Judaism piece, and stick to it. Spend time every day looking at profiles on JDate and contact only those that fit your criteria.  Allow yourself to let go of the past and move forward with your future.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Nothing is more awkward than the dreaded friend of the family set-up. As if dating wasn’t irritating enough, now you have various members of the peanut gallery suggesting future flings for you! So what do you do? Appease them, and spend at least an hour of your life wishing you were anywhere but here? I guess that hour beats an entire week of guilt tripping cate of every member of your family. But, to the rebellious jewish princess that more often than not dates everyone she shouldn’t, what exactly do you have to lose? In fact, one of these set ups may surprise you, and you could wind up with, dare I even suggest it, someone your mother would approve of! I know, that in and of itself is not exactly a turn-on, but not having to listen to fifty-five members of your family bitch at you about the sitch is reason enough. So give up an hour and you may be pleasantly surprised. You can always come up with some form of domestic emergency later if things don’t work out- like your cat decided to play in traffic, or the cupcakes you don’t even know how to cook up are burning and now your house is on fire. Just be creative, you don’t want him to know you’re ditching him to head home for a better date with your DVR.