Today, I decided that I am going to try stand-up comedy. People often tell me that I should do stand-up, but I didn’t think I was physically up to it. I mean, standing in one place, for an extended period of time, whilst also saying things funny enough to make people laugh is difficult. I don’t think I have it in me. And before I do any of that, I would have to like to write jokes. How is that even possible? Jokes have been around since the caveman farted in another caveman’s face. That’s just classic caveman. My point here is that you can’t write jokes because every joke one can perceive has already been…well…perceived. Anything I say will be seen as plagiarized. This is, of course, assuming that there will be people watching my performance that also have an extensive database of jokes stored in their brains, and that is just not technologically possible yet.
I sat down at my computer and started typing. I wrote about my personal life. I wrote about my flaws. By the time it was finished, I read it. Not only were there zero jokes, but it read like a memoir of an embittered elderly man’s long and unfulfilling life. I think I even mentioned crying in the piece.
Maybe I should try observational humor. Jewish comedians are pretty good at that, right? For example, today I ate lunch at Panda Express and dinner at a local Greek restaurant. Also, in between meals, I met some friends at a coffee shop. Those were the most exciting things that happened to me today? No wonder that old man is bitter about his hollow life.