People often say that their #1 priority in a relationship is honesty, but is honesty the best policy?
In general, of course, you should always tell the truth. But, there are some little white lies that are acceptable when you’re just beginning to date. But what about once you’re in a serious relationship? Is it okay to bend the truth to protect someone’s feelings or is the truth always best? Sometimes being honest will make you feel vulnerable, but trying to bury how you feel will only make things worse in the long run. Trust your loved one to be truthful with them.
Are there any types of lies that you think are acceptable when you’re in a relationship?
under Date Night
Call it what you want, but when you aren’t telling the truth — the whole truth, and nothing but the truth — then it’s lying.
Telling a date a half-truth now because it sounds better than the actual truth means that if the relationship progresses, the whole truth will eventually come out… and then your now boyfriend/girlfriend could be upset that you weren’t entirely honest from the get-go.
Omitting the truth is another form of lying. When the truth comes out, you will end up with more issues then you would if you just told the truth from date one. I’m not saying you have to be an open book and admit everything under the sun, but when the time comes to be clear on a topic, do so! Think about the repercussions before you decide how to answer — is it worth not being forthright?
Most first, second, and even third-date conversations follow a similar order of topics. And as people begin to open up and tell you about themselves, they tend to embellish, exaggerate, or simply make everything in their life sound pretty awesome. But no one’s life is ever so glossy and polished.
It can be difficult to know what’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Somewhere in there is a half-truth, an omission, or a blatant lie… but it’s not always easy to figure out what those things are. It’s normal to want to make everything sound nice, but it can set you up for major disappointment later.
Is your date being vague in describing why his or her last relationship ended, or how successful their business is? Is there a lot of name dropping and the use of a lot of people, places and things to impress you? You may never know the full extent of the amount of the bull people spew (everyone does to some extent), and unfortunately there will be at least a few times when you find out the hard way — after you’ve fallen in love — and you’ll have to decide how important those misrepresentations are.
What Would Jew Do?
For whatever reason — a giant zit, a bad day at the office, bloating, or your ex calls and makes your head (and heart) spin — you need to reschedule a first JDate at the last minute… do you lie or tell a version of the truth?
This is where little white lies can work for you… you don’t need to expand upon your reasoning for rescheduling a date, just say something really important came up that you have to deal with and you apologize for the late notice but you need to move your date to another time. The important part of the conversation is to make another date right then and there, otherwise the other person will think you are just canceling in a “nice” way and blowing them off. So make sure you reschedule before hanging up and don’t put too much time between the date you’re canceling and the date you’re meeting.
What Would Jew Do?
When you’re dating it’s normal and even expected to stretch the truth and say little white lies, but what is the threshold for taking it too far?
Here’s an easy one: most people don’t own their cars outright, especially if they’re under the age of 40 and are driving a luxury vehicle worth $45,000 or more. So don’t be too overly impressed by someone with a sexy ride because they are paying a hefty payment every month. And sure, they may make more than enough money to do so, or they could be counting pennies in order to keep themselves in a lifestyle that would impress you. Then again, it’s not polite to ask someone if their car is paid for or not, so simply not allowing yourself to be impressed by material things will help you get past that LWL. (Conversely, someone who is super impressed by your car or other material items may not be the type of person you want to date.)
Everyone tends to say “I know lots of people who…” or “I’ve gone there or done that tons of times” when really they only know a few people who… or went there once and did that twice, but by stretching the truth they are making a stronger point and possibly impressing you. This is a normal LWL, just don’t let it get out of hand by exaggerating every detail because eventually you will get caught!