Although I plan to move to NY, I currently live in NJ because I was in Law School until very recently. I keep running into the same problem: most of the women on JDate want a guy who lives in the city. Despite what I think is a good reason, women won’t give me a chance because I still live at home. How do I get of this stigma of being the guy who still lives with his mother?
Dear Why Does Where Matter?
Why does “where” matter? Well, because people want a significant other who lives nearby so that they can see each other often and easily. I think that your dating life is going to change as soon as you move to the city, so try to get a move on your, well, move. In the meantime, simply put in your profile that you currently live in NJ because you just finished law school but that you are moving to the city soon. Then when you email a girl, jokingly say that she shouldn’t discount you just because you’re not currently a New York resident. Then once she gives you a chance try not to discuss it again. Make yourself accessible and don’t ever kvetch about driving into the city for a date or how late it is for you to still have to drive home. Make it so that your date totally forgets where you live. And try not to mention the Mom thing. They don’t need to know that until the 3rd date, let them get to know you first. And try to move soon, did I mention that?
Dear Gems from Jen,
I feel that I’m in need of some advice! I have been seeing a guy for a few months now. He is really lovely and sweet and treats me nicely. My problem is that he doesn’t seem to have much oomph to his personality. He still lives at home in his mid-thirties and doesn’t seem to be passionate about very much.
I have been out with more passionate guys before, but they have ended up treating me like rubbish! I have tried talking to him but I know that you can’t change people. Any advice on what I should do? I want to settle down and be happy but I can’t help feeling that I could “do better.”
Any advice appreciated,
Dear Should I Keep Going,
Sounds like this guy has some good qualities, being treated well is very important. However, living at home in his mid-thirties? What are the circumstances surrounding his living arrangements? It is one thing if he perhaps lost his job and he is trying to get re-established. It is another thing if he has never left the comfort of the nest. If the latter is the case, my suggestion is to think very seriously about who this person is. You say he has little “oomph” and is not a passionate person. Can you see spending your time with someone like this for the long haul? You are right; you cannot change anyone, but yourself. It sounds to me like you have already answered your own question. You believe you can do better, so my guess is, if you stay with this guy you are going to always be looking for something better. Settling down and being happy does not mean you have to take less than you want.
Gems from Jen