Why Does ‘Where’ Matter?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Although I plan to move to NY, I currently live in NJ because I was in Law School until very recently. I keep running into the same problem: most of the women on JDate want a guy who lives in the city. Despite what I think is a good reason, women won’t give me a chance because I still live at home. How do I get of this stigma of being the guy who still lives with his mother?

Dear Why Does Where Matter?

Why does “where” matter? Well, because people want a significant other who lives nearby so that they can see each other often and easily. I think that your dating life is going to change as soon as you move to the city, so try to get a move on your, well, move. In the meantime, simply put in your profile that you currently live in NJ because you just finished law school but that you are moving to the city soon. Then when you email a girl, jokingly say that she shouldn’t discount you just because you’re not currently a New York resident. Then once she gives you a chance try not to discuss it again. Make yourself accessible and don’t ever kvetch about driving into the city for a date or how late it is for you to still have to drive home. Make it so that your date totally forgets where you live. And try not to mention the Mom thing. They don’t need to know that until the 3rd date, let them get to know you first.  And try to move soon, did I mention that?

Out of Range

by Tamar Caspi under Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I’m interested in xxxxxxx in New York, but I’m out of her age range & I live in California. Can you please make the match?

Dear Out of Range,

Although I’d love to make a match, I don’t know either of you personally to do so, sorry. But I think if you’re really interested in her you should write her an email and let her know all of the things about her that lead you to believe you would make a great match even though you’re out of her age range and location. If you haven’t already, change your profile to indicate that you’re willing to move so that when she checks you out she sees that you’re flexible — and if you’re checking out women in other cities then I’m hoping it’s because you are willing to move. If she responds and you begin a conversation then spend time getting to know each other online and on the phone but try and plan a trip out to see her as soon as possible so you can see how you are together in person (just get a hotel and if the feeling isn’t mutual then go sightseeing instead!).