under Online Dating
I’m interested in xxxxxxx in New York, but I’m out of her age range & I live in California. Can you please make the match?
Dear Out of Range,
Although I’d love to make a match, I don’t know either of you personally to do so, sorry. But I think if you’re really interested in her you should write her an email and let her know all of the things about her that lead you to believe you would make a great match even though you’re out of her age range and location. If you haven’t already, change your profile to indicate that you’re willing to move so that when she checks you out she sees that you’re flexible — and if you’re checking out women in other cities then I’m hoping it’s because you are willing to move. If she responds and you begin a conversation then spend time getting to know each other online and on the phone but try and plan a trip out to see her as soon as possible so you can see how you are together in person (just get a hotel and if the feeling isn’t mutual then go sightseeing instead!).
I live in a mid-size Southern city where the Jewish population is very limited. Let me start out by saying that I cannot move because of business reasons. I am sure that they are lots of Jews in the U.S. who simply do not live in an area where there lots of Jews but still want to marry Jewish and raise their families Jewish. But simply put, the demographic is tough. I do not have the luxury of living on the East or West Coast, Chicago, South Florida, or even Atlanta. Nothing would make me happier than to find a nice Jewish girl who wants to settle down and have a family. BTW, I am 45, never married and am very happy with my life other than the fact that I cannot find a nice Jewish girl who wants to settle down and have family. It is challenging to logistically “import” one. What suggestions do you have? Have you ever dealt with this issue before?
Dear Geographically Challenged,
You’re in quite a predicament. If there aren’t any Jewish gals in your town or surrounding area, then you’re going to have to, as you say “import” one… although in a much more polite fashion. Your JDate profile needs to read that you live in a great, but smaller town for business and are looking to meet women who would be willing to start in a long distance relationship and ultimately move to your town. This is not as complicated as it sounds, you’d be surprised how many women would move for love — I did! That said, you don’t want a woman who is willing to drop everything and then ends up relying on you for her happiness. I am a freelance writer and can carry on my business from anywhere in the world, so a woman who’s career is computer-centric would be perfect for you. On your end, you’ll have to be open to meeting women from anywhere, fly out to meet them and host them when they come to you. You are asking a lot, which means you have to be willing to make sacrifices on your end. My husband and I are living proof that it can be done, so don’t give up hope. You have the right attitude and the right idea, now you gotta go out and find your girl.
I think the feature that allows JDate users to see who has been looking at your profile should be discontinued. I understand the reason for its existence. People feel good when they see that other people look at them and even better when that person is of the opposite sex and not related to you. It’s a nice little rush of date-drenaline when you see all (one) of the girls or boys that have been checking you out. Here’s what the problem is:
I have developed an online relationship with a girl that lives across the country. I understand that that is inherently a bad idea and goes against the morals of online dating. Why start an online relationship with someone that you’re likely to never meet in person? Well, because she was pretty and she talked to me and that doesn’t happen every day. It made me happy so, fine, maybe I wasn’t supposed to do it but I did and it makes me feel good. Seeing that she’s online at the same time that I am is a tiny joy in life that my twenty seven years on earth has entitled me to.
The problem comes when she sees that I search for her profile every day. She’s all like, “What’s up with that?” And I’m all like, “Damn baby it’s the only way I can see if you’re online when I am because I can’t search for girls in my region because you’re not in my region.” And then she’s like, “Well that is completely rational and I am flattered that you like me.” Then I’m like, “I would fly to California to see you like a normal person would do but I can’t afford a two-way ticket.” And she’s like, “Just buy a one-way ticket.” And I’m like, “Cause if we don’t end up marrying in like one week, which we probably won’t, then I’ll be stuck in California.” And then she’s all like, “That is completely reasonable.”
So I am currently continuing my online relationship. I don’t know if it will eventually go anywhere, but it’s a nice thing to have at the end of the day. Who knows, maybe she will one day lose her sanity and move to the never-ending unbounded hell that is Houston, Texas.