Going to the Gym Won’t Help You if You Don’t do Anything There

by JeremySpoke under Single Life

The first thing a woman will notice about you, before you say a word, is your looks. It doesn’t matter how non-shallow she may be. She is going to look at you, and she is going to form a judgment in her mind. It’s just human instinct. Forming judgments about other people may be the one trait that all people have in common. This cannot be true at all.

The fact that a woman will immediately judge you is even more true in most social environments, where it is often too loud for her to hear you initially if you do try to talk to her. Here, drunkery and sight are essentially the only two human senses. You’re really going to have to do something about your body, man.

So you go to the gym. While at the gym, you feel overwhelmingly good about yourself even though you’re doing absolutely nothing there. You have your earphones on, so you’ve got that going. This feeling is really misleading. You think you’re doing something, but really you’re not doing anything at all. On top of that, you look like a creep because if you’re not actually exercising at the gym, then you’re just looking around, and if you’re just looking around at the gym, all you have to look at are women exercising and old men trying not to die. So then, you get on a machine, but you use it on such a low setting that it’s not worth it at all. Leave the gym, this was a bad idea.

Go buy some spray paint and just spray some abs onto your stomach. Actually, just huff the paint and stay home.

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Good Phone

by AndyCowan under Relationships

How much is too much time on the phone before that first hookup? How little is too little?

Too much can run the risk of forming a connection that will inevitably compete with the connection or lack thereof once you lay eyes on each other. A line I once wrote for George in a Seinfeld first draft: “Blind guys have it made. They don’t need looks! All they need is a cute voice. There are tons of women with cute voices!” Love may be blind, but on the road leading there, men and women are both visual creatures.

Being very auditory, I’m drawn to a certain type of voice. The wrong one is a deal breaker right away. The right one, I start filling in the other pieces to the puzzle, probably based on subconscious combos of other interesting women I’ve met across the years with similar voices. A recipe for ultimate disappointment if there ever was one! Before you get to filling in those other pieces… hang up the phone and meet them.

On the flip side, a woman recently avoided giving me her phone number beforehand. The voice inside me said, “This isn’t right.” I wound up basing our “chemistry” on our emails and her eternally smiling picture. How can real life measure up to that? It can’t. Lesson: Listen to the voice inside you. And before meeting her… hers.

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Looks matter. “How good looking we are doesn’t!”

by jpompey under Online Dating,Relationships

Those that are familiar with my work are well aware that I frequently write on the subject of “looks” in regards to online dating.  I frequently am found making the argument that how good looking we are really doesn’t matter when it comes to building attraction with women online.

The other day I received a letter asking for online dating help.  In this letter I was asked the question, “Do looks really not matter?”

This question is not black and white.

Looks do matter.  However, how good looking we are doesn’t matter.

What this means is, women care what we look like, but this does not mean we have to be extremely good looking.  Women care more about our overall appearance, not how aesthetically pleasing our natural looks are.

The truth is, any man can become attractive to a woman with a simple makeover.  The right haircut, the right style, and carrying yourself the right way will boost your looks dramatically.

However, this makes us attractive to women for the opposite reasons than you might expect.  Improving yourself in these ways sends signals that we know how to take care of ourselves, can be taken around her friends, and are socially acceptable.

These qualities are qualities that do build attraction in the female mind and consequently, make them think you are better looking.

Learning the female mind is the key to being successful with online dating.  Lucky for us, there are 10 different ways to attract a woman, all providing evidence that the looks we are born with are not that important.  This makes our lives much easier!

Online Dating Myths Exposed

by jpompey under Relationships

Today I would like to expose one of the most popular online dating myths that just is not true.

“Women involved with online dating only care about looks.”

Many men become convinced that this is the case when they go a long period of time online with receiving responses to emails or Instant Messages.  It is natural to assume that these women are either shallow or just plain cruel.

Thankfully, this is often far from the truth of the matter.  When it comes down to it, the better looking women on this site are usually very nice, and aren’t very mean at all.

They are just receiving way to many messages on a daily basis. 

In real life beautiful girls are not nearly as scary as one might think, and looks are far from the only way we can attract them.  However, if we do not learn how to attract women via means other than looks, then our pictures will be the only thing they look at.

For this reason it is critical to learn the art of creating the perfect online dating profile, and learning to create messages that create extreme interest when attempted to meet women online.

So the next time a female does not answer you, don’t assume it is because she only cares about looks.  First ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to do to spark attraction, and then work from there!

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Beauty Bias

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

The opposite of Halo Effect is “Beauty Bias.” The Beauty Bias is a term created by Stanford Law Professor Deborah Rhode to explain the phenomenon in America of why the less attractive you are, the less likely you are to be married and more likely to be poor, the more likely you are to receive a longer prison sentence, a lower damage award and a lower salary and poorer performance reviews. It’s the first part of the description “less likely you are to be married” that concerns me as the JDate expert.

Just as good looking people are incorrectly judged as automatically being good people, less attractive people are erroneously judged as being less desirable. We’re all guilty of it, regardless of how attractive we deem ourselves. If we believe someone is less attractive than us, we don’t give them a chance because we assume they don’t have any other qualities we would be interested in. It saddens me to see less attractive people getting rejected without a second glance by people who think they look too good. And, conversely, I give a little chuckle when a really good looking person who is lacking in personality is rejected by a less attractive but incredibly great person!

My hope is that a better understanding of the Halo Effect and the Beauty Bias will help people look past looks. I hope singles that are putting forth effort on JDate or at Jewish singles and networking events or on shidduchs will also put forth the effort to get to know someone before passing judgment based on their attractiveness quotient. Of course, attraction is important, but attraction comes from many places, not just from outward appearances.

I challenge all singles to stop judging people based on their looks and to give people a chance whom you wouldn’t necessarily have previously considered.

Look Good, Feel Good

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Look good, feel good or feel good, look good? For some people looking good does make them feel good about themselves, for others they need to feel good in order to look good.

We all hear about beauty coming from the inside, and that’s all fine and dandy, but let’s be honest: When you’re single and dating you need to look good on the outside because sometimes your first impression is the only one you’re going to get. So yes, feeling good on the inside is going to emanate through and make you more attractive but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put forth some effort into looking good on the outside as well. Be the full package.

That means you need to take care of yourself. If you’re past the age of 40 and still single, or are single again after a divorce, then think about going to a spa to get some treatments. Dye your hair, get a facial, manicure and pedicure, try a facial injectible, have an aesthetician do your makeup, get a personal shopper to dress you and so on. By looking good on the outside, you’ll feel good on the inside and that will have a direct effect on your dating life. Many of these techniques will work no matter your age; just because you’re in your 20’s doesn’t mean you look as good as you could or should.

It’s not about being judgmental or superficial, it’s about being realistic. Think about that feeling you get when you walk out of a salon with a fresh haircut… now do what it takes to have that feeling all the time!