under Online Dating
I was with a friend the other day and I told her one of my goals for 2014 was to take dating more seriously. My game plan for next year is to make dating a more prime focus in my life and to stop flirting with the excuse of, “I don’t have time” or “There’s no one out there for me.”
- Do: Set a goal to meet new people in 2014. That alone will spice up your dating life. Whether it’s to join an online dating site or just say yes to more social invitations, mentally prepare yourself and your heart to accept the prospect of love when it knocks at your door.
- Don’t: Bring your negative attitude toward dating into 2014. Leave the awkward stories, the bad dates, and the people who broke your heart in 2013. There’s no need to weave them in to the brand new year starting January 1st, 2014.
Read more Jen Glantz here or follow her on Twitter.
under Online Dating
SSS or single sadness syndrome (this is not endorsed, yet, by Dr. Oz) surfaces during the holidays like a persistent pimple. And while all the couples are off doing couples things — like holding hands while ice skating through Central Park, or feeding each other pieces of pie, or taking selfies as they smooch underneath the mistletoe — us single folks are left feeling uncomfortably alone.
- Do: Make an effort to be social. Make plans with friends that are coming into town, or check out some of the traditional holiday events in your area. If you find yourself with no plus one to your company holiday party or family dinner, try to be okay with that. Use that as an opportunity to work the room, shake hands, and bring in brand new people into your life.
- Don’t: Wallow in your single status. Instead of getting upset when you see the photos that your friends post with their boyfriends or girlfriends, get motivated to go out and do something fun.
Read more from Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.
under Date Night
It happens to all of us. We go out with high expectations and come home with low spirits. We swear off dating and report back to our loved ones that maybe we are destined to be alone for the rest of our lives. I’ve never met someone who has not had a bad — or awkward — date at least once in their life. If they exist, I’d love to give them a hug and tell them about some of mine.
If you find yourself feeling down after a date:
- Do: laugh it off. Even if it was uncomfortable or unimaginable, know that it is over. You never have to see this person again (hopefully). So, just turn this into a memory that you eventually forget. Do something that restores your faith in humanity—or just watch a rom-com on Netflix and dream a little.
- Don’t: Become a dating recluse. That means you shouldn’t just shut down your online dating profile and delete all potential suitors from your phone. You’ll get nowhere doing this, except a life of loneliness and a heart of sadness. Pick yourself up and try again.
Please, just try again.
Messaging back and forth with someone is like playing a game of tennis. To keep the game going, you need to hit the ball back and forth. In a world where online conversations take precedence over in-person conversations, it’s important to spruce up your messages with information about you, as well as a question or two that will draw the person you’re emailing into responding. Here’s a few tips!
- Do: Always end your message with a question. That way, the person will be captivated enough to respond. To feel as though you’re not only interested in answering their promoted questions, but also to get to know them in return. End with a question that actually intrigues you, one where you truly want to find out the answer. Most importantly, keep it as genuine as possible.
- Don’t: Answer in lengthy detail! Try to limit how much you reveal about yourself in your messages. Save the long stories, the dazzling details, and the autobiography for in-person chatter. When you’re messaging back and forth, don’t weigh your messages down with long paragraphs or side comments. Keep it short and simple. Most importantly, keep it about both of you.
Read more Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
under Online Dating
Online dating would be much better if people just started chatting with each other like they were talking in real life. Eliminating the creepy or the overly flirtatious first messages and replaced them with something respectable and conversational.
I hope you wouldn’t walk up to someone at a bar and give them a wink face or compliment their looks, before even saying hello or introducing yourself. Treat your online dating messages in the same fashion, please.
- Do: Make the person feel special. Spend the same amount of time (or more) that you’re allocating to browsing their photos to read their profile. Find out their interests and what it is that makes them stand out. If you sprinkle that throughout the message, the person will be more inclined to respond and give your profile a read.
- Don’t: 1) Copy a message you sent to one person, and then paste it into an email for several others. This shows you’re mass messaging people on the site and no one wants to be another victim of your messaging spree. People want to feel special. 2) Send a one-word email. It’s hard to start off a conversation that way and shows that you didn’t take the time to read their “About Me” section. 3) Be negative. Telling the person you’re not a fan of online dating and your mom is forcing you to be on the site can make them feel bad about this process and also your intentions. Don’t start off a message in a way that makes them feel like you are forcing yourself to chat with them or take this process seriously.
Read more Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.
under Online Dating
Things may have gone well at first, they always do. But after going on several dates with a person, you may start to feel as though there’s no future with them and the annoying voice in your gut is telling you that your feelings no longer exist. That’s okay, and normal. It’s important, however, to let them know. Dragging it out only makes the situation worse and it puts them in the unfair position.
- Do: Craft something honest and appropriate to say to the person. Try to muster up the guts to tell them in person that you don’t think this is going to work out. If in person does not work out, a phone is warranted. Avoid texting or just plainly saying nothing at all to them.
- Don’t: Start to ignore them. This person invested their time in you as well. After going on a handful of dates with a person, they’re no longer just a stranger to you. You’ve gotten to know them through their personality traits and intimate personal stories. It’s only appropriate and respectful to break things off with them the right way. Ignoring their texts and acting cold to them is not right and overall just plain immature. Put yourself in their shoes, will you?
under Date Night
I’ve admitted this before; I’m terrible at responding to messages that float into my inbox on JDate. Sometimes I don’t respond because of lack of interest and sometimes because I simply just forget. That’s why I’m a fan of the second round of messages.
- Do: Feel free to send a second follow up email to a person you didn’t hear back from after a week or so. It happens that someone could be interested, but just forgot to respond. Or perhaps they thought they sent you something in return, but never did. Consider sending something friendly and leave out the “how come you didn’t write me back” attack mode. Remember: they don’t have to write you back… ever. It’s your job to make them want to respond.
- Don’t: Send a hundred messages. Know when enough is enough—kind of like how your stomach starts to punch you when you’ve eaten too many Oreo cookies. If you send two messages to a person and still receive no response, consider being done with them. Three is not the charm in this case, it’s simply just a bit creepy. If they don’t respond the second time, I fear they never will.
under Date Night
The internet gives us the best of times and it also gives us the worst of times. We can find out just about anything about the average internet user—AKA our new potential date. But how much information is too much information? How much intel is better learned through hours of in-person conversations and how much do we NEED to know beforehand?
- Do: look up someone briefly—just to make sure they are who they say they are. Search around until you have enough information to feel safe going out to meet this new person offline. Good sites to use for your search include LinkedIn, Facebook and Google.
- Don’t: Try to be an investigator. Don’t stalk through 5,000 of their Facebook photos, click around to find out information about their Ex, or waste too much time trying to find out every single crumb that makes them who they are. That’s what in-person conversation is for. It’s always awkward sitting across from someone, nodding your head and acting surprised when they tell you about how they were the varsity champion of their middle school soccer team—but you already know, because that’s how intensely you stalked them (guilty)!
Read more Jen Glantz here.
There is a language for love and then there’s a language for finding love online—both, I whole-heartedly believe, take trial and error, and countless embarrassingly syntactical mistakes to master. But when learning how to present yourself and tame your feelings for a person you have just scrolled upon online, there is a certain etiquette to foster if you want to rendezvous in the real world.
Just like it took me some time to understand when to use the “Poke” button on Facebook (which is never), it also took me a bit of time to understand when to use and when to respond to messages in my JDate inbox that are “Flirt Messages,” (the standard template of one-liners JDate provides users).
- Do: Send a “Flirt Message” if you want to make someone smile, for a second, to show that you are thinking about them or interested. Follow up with a personal message that showcases a bit of your personality, and above anything else, that you took an extra couple of seconds to browse more than just their selection of glamour shot photos.
- Don’t: Use it as a cop out and send someone a “Flirt message” over writing your own personal note to them. Remember, your first message to someone doesn’t have to be a novel of questions or a five-paragraph essay. It can be a simple remark about something that caught your eye about them on their profile. Your chances will skyrocket that someone will respond back to a personal message over a standard template message.
Read more of Jen Glantz here.
under Date Night
The best part about being on JDate is having other friends who are on it as well and can fully understand what you’re talking about when you start to vent and run away wildly into an online dating story.
The other day my friend was telling me about how she met this guy on JDate and things were going smoothly. I nodded my head in happiness and sighed with a bit of jealousy, hoping that one day soon I could say the same. But then she told me after each date she texts guys saying, “Thank you” and that she “had a lot of fun.”
My eyebrows immediately raised and I let out a giant, “WHAT!” I had always thought it to be girl code that you wait until the guy texts you first after the date. My friend, who is a couple of years younger than me (but obviously a few years wiser), told me no way—that is how you lose them!
She couldn’t be more right.
- Tell someone you had a good time with them — both in person and then after — via a thoughtful text or a quick phone call. There are so many anxieties that cross our minds before, during and after dates. Alleviate the tension, the guessing and the what if’s through positive affirmations — if you are indeed having positive feelings.
- Hold back. You took the giant step of putting yourself out there, and then, you took an even bigger step by going on blind dates with people you’ve briefly conversed with by chomping down sentences on your keyboard. If you promise yourself not to hold back, to break some of those age old rules, you will have nothing to lose.
Read more advice from Jen Glantz here.