under Date Night
I recently experienced something very annoying in the realm of dating. After enjoying a fun, lively, and conversation-filled first date, the guy turned into my loyal pen pal. Instead of asking me out for a second date or hinting at making arrangements for plans in the future, he just talked and talked and talked about the mundane banalities of his day. I was left feeling a bit confused. Was this boy interested in dating me? Or was he just interested in having someone to chat with – over text – and never again to see in person?
- Do: Be sure to follow up post-date with conversation — and an indication that you had fun and you’d like to see them again. However, don’t jump from first date to pen pals. Meaning don’t talk and talk and talk over text or the phone without making plans to see each other again.
- Don’t: Let weeks pass without making plans for a new date. Conversations will start to drag on and then eventually fizzle out.
under Date Night
I received a message this week from a guy that got straight to the point. Instead of engaging in the get-to-know-you chatter, he directly asked me to meet him out for a drink. While it’s always great to move things along quick with online dating, it was a bit too forward. I wanted to get to know him more, see if we did indeed have anything in common — anything worth spending a few hours in person fleshing out the details.
- Do: Make it a point to chat before you set up a date. It’s important to know something about the person you’re going to meet in person. It’s risky to go out with anyone without even knowing their basic details if they ask you out in the very first message they send. Thank them for their offer, but ask politely to get to know them first.
- Don’t: Go meet them in person until you feel comfortable. If they ask you out in the very first message and you don’t feel like it’s right, or you’re questioning if you two would actually get along in person, say no. Ask for more information. Trust your gut and your instincts if they seem overly persistent or something seems wrong. When it comes to dating, the cardinal rule is to do what feels correct.
Follow Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned
I’ve had a profile up on JDate for over a year. In that time, I have not changed my photos or refreshed my profile. That’s not good at all. Who we are and how we look changes quicker than we think — and it’s best to have our profiles match who we are right now.
- Do: Post photos that were taken in the last 6-9 months. Ones that are clear and, if possible, of just you. It can be hard for a person to understand who you are — and it can get unnecessarily confusing — if you post pictures with a bunch of people in them.
- Don’t: Post just one photo. Try to post between 3-5. If you don’t have any recent photos – take some on your computer or ask a friend to take a photo of you. This will enhance your profile and give it a fresh look.
Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.
2014 has side-stepped into your life and pressed the reset button. Everyone always says, “New year, new you.” The same should absolutely apply to your dating profile. I made my first-ever JDate profile last January and haven’t updated it since. While most of the information still remains true (my love for pizza and paperbacks), it’s time that I give writing my ‘about me’ another try and posting more updated photos.
- Do: Change at least three things on your profile. The easiest and more beneficial things to change are your photos, your bio, and maybe one or two things you’re looking for in a match. Every year brings new experiences. Draw from some you had last year to help you articulate what you’re looking for this year.
- Don’t: Delete the whole thing. There’s no need to! Plus, if you do that, you may be a bit overwhelmed. Use it as an outline or a skeleton and work on improving it from there.
Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
A few months ago, after getting sick of hearing the constant nagging from my mom over why I’m not meeting anyone on JDate, I finally gave in. I gave her the username and password to my JDate account and let her explore for a few hours. I had imagined this moment to be awful and embarrassing, but what I found was that her perspective and judgments on who the good candidates were was very englightning. If you’re going to have a parent or a dear friend take over your accounts, here are some do’s and don’ts.
- Do: Set a time limit. Tell them this won’t be a recurring event, but if they’d like to go on for an afternoon (under your supervision) that’s okay. Set rules beforehand and make sure you’re comfortable with them either messaging people for you or answering messages.
- Don’t: Let them take over your account without your consent. Be sure that you have a say in who they are messaging and be even more sure they are not setting up dates or messaging back and forth with people for you. After they see someone they think is a good match, they should let you take over from there.
Read more Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.
under Online Dating
I was with a friend the other day and I told her one of my goals for 2014 was to take dating more seriously. My game plan for next year is to make dating a more prime focus in my life and to stop flirting with the excuse of, “I don’t have time” or “There’s no one out there for me.”
- Do: Set a goal to meet new people in 2014. That alone will spice up your dating life. Whether it’s to join an online dating site or just say yes to more social invitations, mentally prepare yourself and your heart to accept the prospect of love when it knocks at your door.
- Don’t: Bring your negative attitude toward dating into 2014. Leave the awkward stories, the bad dates, and the people who broke your heart in 2013. There’s no need to weave them in to the brand new year starting January 1st, 2014.
Read more Jen Glantz here or follow her on Twitter.
under Online Dating
SSS or single sadness syndrome (this is not endorsed, yet, by Dr. Oz) surfaces during the holidays like a persistent pimple. And while all the couples are off doing couples things — like holding hands while ice skating through Central Park, or feeding each other pieces of pie, or taking selfies as they smooch underneath the mistletoe — us single folks are left feeling uncomfortably alone.
- Do: Make an effort to be social. Make plans with friends that are coming into town, or check out some of the traditional holiday events in your area. If you find yourself with no plus one to your company holiday party or family dinner, try to be okay with that. Use that as an opportunity to work the room, shake hands, and bring in brand new people into your life.
- Don’t: Wallow in your single status. Instead of getting upset when you see the photos that your friends post with their boyfriends or girlfriends, get motivated to go out and do something fun.
Read more from Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.
under Date Night
It happens to all of us. We go out with high expectations and come home with low spirits. We swear off dating and report back to our loved ones that maybe we are destined to be alone for the rest of our lives. I’ve never met someone who has not had a bad — or awkward — date at least once in their life. If they exist, I’d love to give them a hug and tell them about some of mine.
If you find yourself feeling down after a date:
- Do: laugh it off. Even if it was uncomfortable or unimaginable, know that it is over. You never have to see this person again (hopefully). So, just turn this into a memory that you eventually forget. Do something that restores your faith in humanity—or just watch a rom-com on Netflix and dream a little.
- Don’t: Become a dating recluse. That means you shouldn’t just shut down your online dating profile and delete all potential suitors from your phone. You’ll get nowhere doing this, except a life of loneliness and a heart of sadness. Pick yourself up and try again.
Please, just try again.
Messaging back and forth with someone is like playing a game of tennis. To keep the game going, you need to hit the ball back and forth. In a world where online conversations take precedence over in-person conversations, it’s important to spruce up your messages with information about you, as well as a question or two that will draw the person you’re emailing into responding. Here’s a few tips!
- Do: Always end your message with a question. That way, the person will be captivated enough to respond. To feel as though you’re not only interested in answering their promoted questions, but also to get to know them in return. End with a question that actually intrigues you, one where you truly want to find out the answer. Most importantly, keep it as genuine as possible.
- Don’t: Answer in lengthy detail! Try to limit how much you reveal about yourself in your messages. Save the long stories, the dazzling details, and the autobiography for in-person chatter. When you’re messaging back and forth, don’t weigh your messages down with long paragraphs or side comments. Keep it short and simple. Most importantly, keep it about both of you.
Read more Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
under Online Dating
Online dating would be much better if people just started chatting with each other like they were talking in real life. Eliminating the creepy or the overly flirtatious first messages and replaced them with something respectable and conversational.
I hope you wouldn’t walk up to someone at a bar and give them a wink face or compliment their looks, before even saying hello or introducing yourself. Treat your online dating messages in the same fashion, please.
- Do: Make the person feel special. Spend the same amount of time (or more) that you’re allocating to browsing their photos to read their profile. Find out their interests and what it is that makes them stand out. If you sprinkle that throughout the message, the person will be more inclined to respond and give your profile a read.
- Don’t: 1) Copy a message you sent to one person, and then paste it into an email for several others. This shows you’re mass messaging people on the site and no one wants to be another victim of your messaging spree. People want to feel special. 2) Send a one-word email. It’s hard to start off a conversation that way and shows that you didn’t take the time to read their “About Me” section. 3) Be negative. Telling the person you’re not a fan of online dating and your mom is forcing you to be on the site can make them feel bad about this process and also your intentions. Don’t start off a message in a way that makes them feel like you are forcing yourself to chat with them or take this process seriously.
Read more Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.