First Impressions: Fixing a Bad One

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

When you’re actively dating you know that first impressions are incredibly important. I’ve mentioned body language — and when it comes to first impressions that means greeting your date with a big, genuine smile with your head held high and your shoulders relaxed with your arms at your side or clasped in front of you. Introducing yourself without the positive body language listed above is basically starting a date in a negative manner; which will only force you to work a bit harder to fix things.

The best way to fix this initial snafu is to be honest and say, “Sorry, I’m nervous, but I’m really happy to meet you and look forward to drinks/dinner/etc. together.” Honesty about having anticipation about the date is endearing.

If it’s your words that may have turned off your date, then apply the same solution: excuse your behavior by explaining it away. If you had a bad day at work before the date, or if there’s drama with a good friend, or a sick family member, then simply explain why you’re not being yourself and promise your date that you’ll shake it off (better yet, call a friend on the way to the date to vent about whatever is bothering you so that it’s out of your system before the date). Again, being honest about why you’re “off” and possibly made a bad first impression is the best way to reel things back in. But, then you have to make good with your promise to be positive (which hopefully means being yourself!).

Recover, own it, and get back in the date before it’s too late!

Impulse Control

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate

Some people don’t think before they speak. And that can lead to some awkward moments on a date where one person puts their foot in their mouth after apologizing for being rude or belligerent — and the other person needs to wipe a disgusted and/or shocked look off their face.

Honesty is not always the best policy. Sometimes omission is best.

  • Don’t ask a question if you don’t want to know the answer
  • Don’t tell a date that you were “here last week on another JDate”
  • Don’t tell a date that you have too many emails on JDate to read through, so they should consider themselves lucky.

If you are about to make a comment that you wouldn’t want to hear from your date, then keep it to yourself.

Bringing Home the Bacon, er, Boyfriend

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

How many of you have brought home a significant other to meet your parents? How long did you wait? Did you wish you had done it sooner in retrospect, or wish you had never taken that step at all? Is there more pressure to take someone home when you live in the same city as your parents? Or is there more pressure to take a special trip out to your hometown to do so?

There’s no science. Sometimes you introduce a S.O. after a few weeks, sometimes a few months. Sometimes not until after you’re engaged (yikes!). It’s not a matter of time, but rather a feeling of the relationship being in the right place to take that step (but please do so BEFORE proposing!).

Some people wait because their parents are apt to embarrass them by asking, “Can you afford our daughter?” or “Can you tame our son?” Or maybe they look over a girlfriend and exclaim that she has “nice childbearing hips!” Or perhaps they might check out a boyfriend and exclaim what “beautiful children you’ll have!” Some are nervous their parents will pull out the baby album or discuss horrible exes (or discuss your amazing ex that you unfortunately let get away). Some parents meanwhile are very chill and laid-back, and have probably met many prospects because of how easy going they are.

Taking home a S.O. is a huge deal when it comes to figuring out if they can become a part of your family. If you feel it’s the right time, then do it. There’s no wrong time (well, except for the obvious: not on your first few dates unless you’re being picked up from their house!) if you are seeing a future with this prospect.