under Online Dating
I do not like writing about myself. I do not like what I wrote in my profile. I am not one to blow my own horn, and therefore I get stuck when I do not know what to say about myself. Please help!
Dear Stuck On What To Say,
Unfortunately with internet dating you need to become your own PR firm. You need to get comfortable talking about your achievements, your goals, your past, your dreams, and even your faults. Ask some friends to help you by listing some of their favorite traits about you and write your profile from their point of view including the fact that you have a hard time tooting your own horn. It’s okay to be shy and humble but you want to make sure you’re not coming across as snotty or like you’re hiding something. Make sure you’re not only asking questions but answering them as well. Try to look at it this way — your date wants to get to know you just as much as you want to get to know him. And you’re not going to be interested in a guy who’s profile didn’t say much about him, so make sure you don’t make the same mistake. Just because you talk about yourself in high regard in your profile doesn’t mean you’re conceited and you can prove that once you’re on a date – but you’ve got to get the date first and you need to sell yourself in order to do that.
I recently attended a local JDate event to people watch and see if people knew how to market themselves without a computer screen separating them from reality. Sad to say, I was disappointed. Whether it means looking your best, putting a smile on your face, thinking about what you’re saying before you say it, or even how your nametag reads, everything counts and many people were failing on numerous levels.
Sometimes it’s general attitude. A few individual’s body language was so negative – arms crossed, shoulders hunched, sour look – that there was no way they were going to be approached. There were wallflowers left and right, people wandering through the crowd looking lost, others sitting down alone. You shouldn’t be ashamed to be at a JDate event because guess what? The people you’re meeting are there too! When you sign up for a JDate event, it’s time to throw caution to the wind, put yourself out there, lower any walls and find yourself some possible love interests.
Self-promoting is not an easy thing to do. We are not raised to be arrogant but, rather, humble yet confident so to talk about how great we are, how popular, how funny, how successful, how smart, how fabulous and so on is not natural. However, if you’re going to a JDate event then you gotta do it. You need to look your best, be outgoing yet natural, and not seem too desperate all at the same time.
The best thing about JDate events is that you should feel an instant kinship with everyone there and draw instant comfort from that. Everyone there is there for the same reason – to meet someone Jewish. Try to enjoy the opportunity of having hundreds of local Jewish singles in the same place at the same time with the same motivation.
More to come about what people show up looking like at the events in a few days.