I recently heard from a friend that she saw a guy on JDate who she knows is married. Shocking to hear, but it’s reality. There are married people dating online and there’s no one to stop them. There’s no such thing as the morality police and it’s a shame that singles have to worry about whether someone’s being honest about their status. But singles can do their job to make sure they don’t get caught up in someone else’s drama. I’m not a supporter of internet stalking someone too soon, but if you are for any reason suspicious of their marital status, then Google them. See if you have friends in common. Ask questions about their relationship history and kids, if they have any. Finally, when you meet, look for a tanline on their left ring finger. Anyone who’s been married knows that it only takes a few months to get a tanline under your wedding ring. And if you do catch a cheater, let them know that their shenanigans are not welcome here.
How can I stop obsessing over a married man?
This is such a difficult part of life for which I wish there was an easy answer. There isn’t, I’m afraid. Our hearts tend to drive us, rather than our brains.
The first things that needs to be looked at are the reasons as to why you are obsessing over this man. What need is he fulfilling for you? Start by tracking the thoughts that keep playing over and over in your head about this man. What triggers these thoughts? It might help to jot this information down for a few weeks so that you can identify the patterns in your thinking.
Make the decision that this is not a healthy way to live and at the very least, get rid of any mementos that you have that remind you of him. For instance, pictures, gifts, letters, e-mails, etc.
Write a good-bye letter to him. Don’t send it, but write it out in great detail. State all the reasons as to why you need to let this relationship go. Keep it with you at all times so that you can refer back to the letter when feelings of nostalgia or melancholy wash over you.
Don’t take his calls. Don’t respond to texts or e-mails. Don’t make contact with this man. I know how difficult and final this might sound, but continued contact will only prolong these thoughts.
Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive of you. If these thoughts continue, you might want to consider talking to someone so that you have an outlet and can learn to replace these obsessive thoughts with productive thoughts.
A married partner whether male or female is just that–married. Any way that you look at it, this person is cheating. Always remember, if they are willing to cheat on their current spouse, they are capable of cheating on you as well.
Gems from Jen