Date in Reality, Not in Your Mind

by Caryn Alper under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

I’ve been thinking about last week’s post, and today I’d like to piggyback on that same concept – specifically on the detriments of texting. Texting and emailing a new person (whom we haven’t met in person yet) is like inflating an imaginary balloon (stay with me here). But, instead of blowing in oxygen or helium, we tend to inflate it with all of our hopes, dreams, and visions of the future.

Here’s an illustration of what I mean: Let’s say you’ve been exchanging a few witty emails with a cute guy online and he asks for your number. Your conversation moves to text, and the banter continues. You’re feeling good about him, and you get excited and smile when you hear the beep of a new message. You know a lot about him – he’s cute in his picture, he has a good job, he uses grammar correctly and emoticons appropriately. You might even be able to tell that he’s smart, kind, and funny – after all, you two say that you like the same things, and his texts always make you laugh.  You start to wonder what your first date might be like – you’re sure he would pick you up and be such a gentleman while whisking you off to this really cool little Italian place you’ve never seen before. And you just know your family would love him. You both have younger brothers, and they would totally be friends, and oh, I wonder how many kids he wants? He would be the best dad… Congratulations! You’ve found yourself a nice, Jewish… pen pal. That’s it. You actually don’t know anything substantial about this guy with whom you are planning a life. So what happens when the day finally arrives when dream boy asks you out on a date (or wants to meet up, or whatever)? You’re ecstatic and can’t wait to have the last first date ever!  However…

The Italian restaurant in your dreams becomes a skate park in reality, his gentlemanly ways become surprisingly bro-ish, and he’s kind of impatient with other people, which you hate.  He plays with his phone while you’re talking and pops gum like a teenager. And poof – that balloon I was talking about just popped, sprinkling all your hopes over some dirty skateboard. He was supposed to be your prince in shining armor! What happened?

Unfortunately, this guy did nothing wrong (other than wait too long to take you out)!  The problem, I’m sorry to say – is you – or more specifically, your expectations.  Imagination is a good thing, but when you start to imagine certain scenarios, it’s really easy to get carried away and expect them to occur, especially when you get positive feedback from the object of your desires.  If you’re really hopeful that a relationship will bloom with someone, you’re more likely to make positive attributions to otherwise neutral occurrences.  So your mind turns “I like kids” into “I want to have kids with you!”

So what does all this have to do with texting? Well, the longer you text back and forth, the more opportunity your mind has to project good things onto a person you don’t really know.  Moral of the story: stop texting and meet already!  That, or totally manage your expectations. But, I think it’s easier and more fun to just go on a date and form a realistic opinion of someone without the use of emoticons.


Online Dating Burnouts

by JeremySpoke under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

There will probably come a point, during your online JDate dating adventure, when you grow somewhat tired. It’s past 2 am. You’ve been at your computer for eight hours straight. You’ve been chatting with girls, reading the hilarious and sometimes touching JBlog, and doing other ancillary JDate-related activities like reading JMag or playing the JGames or using the JCalculator.

The television has been on for hours, but you hadn’t realized that it’s still on until you finally notice that the conversation you’ve been having via instant message with a nice, Jewish girl in Milwaukee is a word-for-word replica of the Insanity Workout informercial that’s been playing since Comedy Central stopped its nighttime programming at midnight. “So you’re saying that all I have to do is run in place uphill as fast as I can for five hours a day, and I will lose five pounds in just one year?” I ask her. “Who are you?” she replies.

Okay so the point that I’m trying to make here is that it’s late and you’re tired. Though chatting online with nice women is fun, sometimes you need to go out. Since it’s the middle of the night, ‘going out’ could simply mean using the restroom or getting more soda. Really, though, I think that women can sense the fact that you’ve been on the computer for a third of a day, and that you do this on a regular basis. Women are born with an innate sense of, well, sense. That’s why, though JDate is great, you should go out sometimes. Or buy a book about dating. Or both.