You view a friend’s JDate profile, and it’s a train wreck, yet they don’t want to accept a word of your advice. You see a friend falling for a scumbag, but they don’t care about your opinion. You watch a friend walk to the chuppah to meet Mr. (or Mrs.) Wrong, but they don’t want to hear one word of caution from you. Should they? Some people have to make mistakes on their own to learn life lessons. It doesn’t matter if you went through THE EXACT SAME THING, they need to figure it out for themselves. And don’t you dare say “I told you so” afterwards. Would you have listened? Probably not.
I had a serious boyfriend when I was 20, and he wasn’t Jewish. My parents didn’t guilt me or pressure me; they just let it play out. I got seriously heartbroken… and I kept dating goys. My parents made jokes here and there, but they let me go on my journey. Were they surprised I didn’t find my Beshert until I started dating Jews? Probably not. But they kept it to themselves. They knew their opinions would do nothing but alienate me. So when my younger friend Jessica was following in my footsteps, I shared my story with her as a subtle way to show her what I thought I was the right path. Ultimately Jessica chose her own path and is happily married to her non-Jewish Beshert.
People have to do what feels right for them, even if you can foresee trouble ahead, you need to let them do their thing.
under Date Night
Sometimes I feel like I’m bad at dating. Some who read the previous statement might think that it is ridiculous for me to feel this way because so much of dating comes down to chance and timing; however, every once in a while that’s just how I feel. Perhaps I am just getting frustrated that I’ve been consistently going out on dates for about a year now and haven’t met someone with whom I’ve become seriously involved with, but ultimately I know that really isn’t necessarily because I am not doing anything wrong or am bad at dating.
I think sometimes, whether it’s dating, work, or picking horses at the track, you get on a roll, your confidence shoots through the roof and, as a result, you feel fantastic about that aspect of your life – but what really makes that happen? With picking horses you can do more research, and at the office you can stay later, but what can you do if you feel like you are in a dating slump?
For one, you can go out on more dates, which is what I’ve tried to do. However, I honestly think that has exacerbated the problem. The more dates you try to go out on the looser your standards become for who you go out with, which potentially opens you up to more issues because you are going out on dates with people you probably aren’t compatible with. There’s an analogy we use in basketball that you can practice free throw shooting all day but if you shoot them the wrong way every time you’ll never get any better, which is, unfortunately, how I feel with dating sometimes.
Ultimately I know that it’s not that I’m bad at dating, but that perhaps I’m replicating the same mistakes on each date. Whether this is true or not, short of videotaping my next date and then breaking down the film afterward to identify what the good and bad elements of my performance were, I guess all I can really do is try to go out on dates with women I truly believe I’m compatible with, be myself during our them and then hope it all works out in the end.