Keeping Up the Momentum

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

So many JDates begin on the phone and can last hours as you get to know each other. Those early phone conversations are so exciting, you’re more than willing to lose sleep to stay up talking and you can’t wait to meet. But often the time between those calls and meeting can lag… so how do you keep up momentum? Sometimes the first date is great and you can’t seem to sync up your schedules for a second date. Again, how do you keep the excitement going?

For instance, my friend Jack met a new JDate at a bar where they talked until the place shut down. They really liked each other and couldn’t wait to make plans to meet again. But she was going out of town the next week and he was traveling out of the country for two weeks after that.

It was so great to finally hear Jack say that he really liked a girl, that she was really cool and that he was really excited to see her again. So I was bummed to hear that it would be nearly a month before they could continue to develop their romance. So many things had to happen and, inversely, not happen to aide them during the hiatus. First, and most importantly, neither of them could meet anyone else who tickled their fancy during that time. Second, and just as important, they had to keep in touch to a point: talk on the phone before he leaves for his trip and exchange a few emails when he is able to check into an internet café. But, thirdly, they shouldn’t build up too much of a rapport while separated because then they run the risk of building up unreachable expectations. There’s a fine line between keeping in touch, keeping the flame alive and keeping the momentum going and actually starting a serious relationship via the phone and internet before spending enough time together in person.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also can shine an amber light on someone’s faults you may normally hate. Having a month of phone calls and emails after meeting each other only once means that you will only get the person on his or her best behavior. You also won’t get to see facial expressions on the phone or hear vocal inflections in an email. That means when you see each other again in person you may not know each other as well as you think you do. It’s hard not to build someone up in your mind after a romantic night together but as long as Jack and his new crush go into this month apart and into their reunion with realistic expectations then I think they will do just fine picking up where they left off. By giving yourself a reality check and reminding yourself that you will eventually see the cracks in the foundation that we all have, you can go into a date being able to see the forest for the trees.

Walking Now, But Hopefully Running Soon

by RollingStone9862 under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Up until recently, I was on a dating roll. I was actively trying to talk to a lot of different people, having good conversations and going out on first dates almost every week; however, since my schedule has gotten busy, due to the start of the season, I have lost much of my momentum.

While some people are naturally confident when it comes to meeting people and dating, I am someone who needs to build up my dating self-esteem over time before I’m feeling truly confident about that aspect of my personal life. That is why it is so important that I’m riding a wave of positive momentum, otherwise I am liable to make excuses or take a break from dating when there’s really no reason to.

I’ve been through these cycles before and know that the dating game has its ups and downs. But the important thing that I’ve learned from previously losing my dating momentum is that I need to fight through it. I know that I can’t sit back and wait for a situation to fall into my lap that picks up my confidence, and instead need to try to remain active and build myself back up.

Even though this is certainly easier said than done it is important that I take control of my personal life and do whatever is necessary to keep myself in a confident mindset. Since a portion of my self-esteem is dependent on how I feel about my personal life I know that it’s important I don’t give up on it just because I have hit a plateau; I know that if I stay active and keep trying to improve my situation that I’ll regain my momentum soon.