Monday Makeover: Is It Fate or Timing?

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’ve signed up for JDate to put myself out there again to find a partnership that will lead to marriage and children (and hopefully last a lifetime)! I’ve been somewhat active on the site for the past month, and have sent a number of messages to folks, but have not received responses from anyone. That could just be fate, or timing; but I have to also consider the possibility that I’m not presenting myself in an optimal fashion! Please help.

-Is it Fate or Timing?

 

Dear Is it Fate or Timing?,

I’m happy to help. Sometimes not hearing back from a prospect is fate — she just wasn’t meant for you. Other times it is timing — don’t give up. Tweak your profile with my advice and hopefully fate and timing will align. Let’s get started:

  •  Photos:

You’ve got three great pictures, but you could use a 4th one that is also not a professional photo to show consistency and reality. The order is great, keep the candid color photo as your profile photo.

  • In Your Own Words:

In the “About Me” section I would delete your last paragraph. It supplies too much information and yet are all great conversation pieces for the first few dates with someone new.  Under “A Brief History of My Life” I would condense the information and delete the line “back in… for good!” since you also say you are willing to relocate. Maybe something more like: “Born in Northern California and raised in Southern California, I attended UCLA for undergrad and went east for law school in Boston before returning to the best, er, west coast. I love to go back to New England often and even became a loyal Red Sox fan, but Cali is where my heart is.” And with the “What I’m Looking For” section, try to describe the woman you’re looking for using words you won’t read on anyone else’s profile. Maybe try using either the first half or the second half of the paragraph, but both combined is a bit redundant and long-winded.

  • Preferences:

Make sure to answer all the questions, especially if you are “Willing to Relocate.” And I know you want to find a woman to have a family with, but I would increase your maximum age by a few years and for a few reasons. First, you don’t want to come off as misogynistic by capping the age of the women too young even though your intent has to do with fertility and second, you don’t want to eliminate some great women by just one or two years because plenty of women are having children into their 40s.

Hope this helps and good luck!


Monday Makeovers: Lacking Responses?

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I would greatly appreciate it if you took a look at my profile and gave me some suggestions. I’ve worked with a love mentor for two years and have reworked my profile. I’m an attractive woman, write well and am accomplished. I just don’t understand why I don’t get more hits.

I do all the things that are advised. I’m on JDate regularly and even tweak my profile often. Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions? I have had some significant relationships (two in particular were with men I met on JDate). I want to meet my last special man!

 

Dear Lacking Responses,

You have a great screen name and lots of beautiful pictures showing your face very clearly. There are two photos (#6 & #7) which are basically repeats of number #2. I would delete those as they aren’t necessary. Otherwise, you did a great job with the profile photos! I especially like that you included ones with your daughters and grandchildren.

Your “About Me” spiel is very well written and straightforward about what you are offering a companion, and what you hope for in return. I think the second paragraph is bit much and can be overwhelming as you have already revealed plenty in the first paragraph. I would review that first paragraph one more time and see where you can edit it down as it can read as repetitive. You are using different adjectives to describe the same thing and you don’t want to lose the reader’s interest. Once you complete that task, then break it up into two paragraphs once again. Other JDaters should be sure they are not repeating the same ideas in their profile again and again as well!

Most of your other “In My Own Words” elements are concise and well-written. I would condense “The Coolest Places I’ve Visited” because it can come across wrong being that you’ve traveled the world. Plus, you can save this info for more conversation topics when you meet up with other JDaters in person. Something along the lines of “_________ was one of my favorites, but I have many and I’d love to share some of my more adventurous stories with you. I’ve been hiking different National Parks recently and can’t wait to explore our beautiful country with someone special.”

The same goes for “My Ideal Relationship” — condense the descriptiveness. Warmth, intimacy, joy, relationship, companionship, caring, nurturing, compatible, enrich, savor, enjoy, respect, and thrilled. If you read all those words in the span of four sentences, then you would be a bit thrown off as well, right? Trim it.

Finally, you should be proud of how great you look at your age and put your real age. Just as you don’t want to turn off men who make assumptions based on age, you shouldn’t do the same. Increase your maximum age limit a few years and be open to someone 10 years your junior.