under Online Dating
When my mom first learned about online dating her initial reaction was exceedingly positive. Not only did she find the idea interesting, but soon after discovering how easy and mainstream it was, she began encouraging my sister and me to sign up. Her logic was that you can meet so many more people online, and get to know them in a relaxed way and at your own pace.
She instantly could see the benefits of online dating since she relied on meeting people through friends, at work or in bars. Furthermore, she understands that for many people, her own children included, bars are not the ideal place to interact and develop an initial meaningful connection with someone. The other aspect of online that she appreciated was that it identified people who were single and looking to date with the idea that a serious relationship could develop.
My sister was the first to take my mom’s advice and try online dating, and had varying degrees of success before meeting her current serious boyfriend on JDate. After hearing about all of the interesting people she met, and dates she went on, it didn’t take much coaxing for me to dip my toe into the online dating pool. Even though I have been exploring online dating for several months, and have yet to meet Ms. Right, I have still met some fascinating people and had a lot of fun.
Even though online dating is the primary way that I am currently trying to meet women that doesn’t mean that I have abandoned all other methods. Through the perspective that was initially shared with me by my mom I have realized that I am fortunate to have the opportunity to meet people online because it has opened up my dating life and given me another way to meet people that she didn’t have.
I definitely consider myself to be lucky since during the time that I’ve been active with online dating I haven’t gone out on any bad dates. Even though I’ve gone out on first dates with women that I decided not to ask out again, I’ve still always had a nice time simply because I was getting the chance to get to know someone new. Also, even though I have left dates where in spite of having an enjoyable time I just haven’t felt that spark which would prompt me to ask them out again, that situation doesn’t bother me at all and I’m perfectly content with that being the ending to my evening.
The confidence I have in my ability to read people and situations has helped me to distinguish between women that I’ve had a nice time with but don’t feel that deeper connection with, and those whom I think there could really end up being something with. However, in either case, I’m honestly happy just to be going out on first dates and simply meeting women. This version of socialization is definitely good for me since I often let what I perceive are my social limitations keep me from putting myself consistently in positions to be social and meet people.
I think one of the keys to consistently having good first dates is that I try not to ramp up my expectations for every date I go on. Sure, there have been times when I was more excited to meet someone because our conversations had been particularly interesting and I was eager to continue them in person, but even in those cases I don’t show up for a date expecting to meet Ms. Right. Instead, I go into each first date hoping that I meet an interesting person that I can have an enjoyable time with, and by having this approach, whether we end up going out on a second date or not, I have been able to go out on a lot of nice first dates.
under Date Night
The phrase “searching for Mr. Right” is very common. Women use it whenever they discuss their lucrative plans for finding and marrying the unattainable and incorruptible male. To date, no woman has found such a creature, yet their determination is strengthened every time they find any perceivable flaw in any man they come across. They are too stubborn to realize that “Mr. Right” does exist, but only in movies, novels, and other fictional products of imperfect male imaginations.
There is no comparable phrase that men use when searching for a companion of the opposite (or same) sex. You don’t hear guys at some dive bar giddily talking about their search for “Ms. Right.” Men have been through too much to believe in the fantasy of perfection. Most guys (me) will settle for anybody that seems nice. I think, instead, guys use the phrase, “I’m still searching for somebody tolerable,” which sometimes devolves into, “I’m still searching for a breathing female”.
Some men think that they have met “Ms. Right” in the past, but she is really the glossed memory of a first love that has been enhanced by time. Seriously, who doesn’t look back kindly onto their first kiss or first love? Granted, I do not want to get back together with the first girl I kissed, or the first girl I thought I loved. Okay, I kind of do. Yet, though their memory lives on in our minds as unrestrained perfection, the truth is often marred by reality. For example, the first girl that I kissed was also kissing three other guys, (though not at the same time). Though I know this now, the memory is still too strong to be tainted by truth. She was still perfect.