Sometimes, after we meet someone and go out a few times, we try to convince ourselves that the relationship has potential instead of just letting it evolve naturally. Often times this occurs when it’s been a while since we’ve met someone with whom we felt a genuine connection and, therefore, because the other person is close to what we are looking for, we try to force a relationship with them. We play up their good points in our head, and choose to conveniently overlook the aspects of their personality or lifestyle that we don’t enjoy, in a desperate attempt to make the relationship work.
Often times when I find myself trying to fit a round relationship into a square hole, afterward it is very obvious to me what I was trying to do. Usually it’s been a while since I’ve been with someone I genuinely cared about, and even though I know that the person I’m seeing isn’t right for me, I want to be in a relationship so badly that I am able to persuade myself that they are “close enough.” This approach may work initially and be able to carry you through a few dates but you can’t fool yourself forever.
Recently I was guilty of this selfish crime and went out on several dates with a woman whom, deep down, I knew wasn’t right for me. We had fun when we went out, and I liked many things about her, but I just never left any of our dates with that warm, tingly, I can’t wait to see you again feeling. Sure enough, because I knew that it was going to happen eventually, our last date fell flat which was when I realized that I needed to stop thinking about myself and how I wanted to be dating someone, and consider how it wasn’t right to potentially lead her on.
While I know that going out with her a bunch of times wasn’t completely kosher I do think that I ended things before any harm was done and on good terms. She seemed to understand my reasons and even indicated that perhaps she was a little guilty of viewing me, and our relationship, in the same way that I used her. In the end I wouldn’t recommend this approach to anyone, and am not entirely proud that I choose to employ it recently. However, dating isn’t always easy and sometimes, as long as there’s no intent to hurt anyone, it’s okay to put your needs first.
Sometimes after we meet someone and go out a few times we try to convince ourselves that the relationship has potential instead of letting it come completely naturally. Maybe it’s been a while since we’ve met someone with whom we felt a genuine connection, or perhaps it’s that the other person has many of the traits that we are attracted to, but in any case it just isn’t right. We play up their good points in our head, and choose to conveniently overlook the aspects of their personality or lifestyle that we don’t enjoy, in a desperate attempt to make the relationship work.