You click with a JDater, go out on a couple dates and a photo op presents itself. So you snap away and capture the moment on film, er, your iPhone. But what now? What do you do with said photo? It’s super cute, you look great, your date is hot, but who is going to see it? You’re not an official couple yet so you can’t post it on Facebook. So what do you with this symbol of, well, potential?
Many years ago pre-Mrs., I had my first Facebook break-up where I had to un-tag and remove photos of me and an ex. That wasn’t fun. And as quick as I was, and as Facebook-savvy as I was in deleting any News Feed items, I still wished I had kept that non-relationship under wraps a little while longer. I had learned my lesson. Until it was more serious I would not be publicizing any romantic endeavors.
When I met my husband we took photo after photo. And I stored each photo until we became official. First, I printed out the pictures and carried them around with me. I would sneak glances at them and smile, and when people would ask me why I was quitting my job and moving halfway around the world, I would proudly flash the 5x7s. Finally, we discussed becoming Facebook official (it was a quick conversation — the answer was yes from the both of us) and then I finally posted them on Facebook… and printed and framed them to display in our new shared apartment.
Take it slow. A simple act such as posting an innocent photo can start a conversation you may not be ready to have.
under Online Dating
You’ve seen the perfect match on JDate. Talk about it all you want. You’ve started talking to that match. Slowly stop talking about it to your friends. You went on one awesome date with a new prospect. Talk about it a little. You started a new relationship. Don’t talk about it. You’re officially in a new relationship. Start talking all you want. You are single again and looking. Talk about it, go it out of your system and then get back on the market. Don’t dwell on your singleness or why you’re single and don’t start talking about a relationship before it happens. It’s hard to not want to brag about a new prospect but sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself until there’s actually something to report (or find one good friend to confide in). Enjoy that feeling of being at the beginning of something new and revel in it. And if it doesn’t work out, you’ll have less people to have to recount the break-up to.
I’ve often thought the prescription for new love could be like the prescription for new eyeglasses. In the beginning, it doesn’t seem like the right fit. It gives you headaches. Things seem fuzzy. You had a clearer vision with your old glasses/love. At least, you thought you did. But maybe, after a long enough break-in period, you adjust and your new perspective on things becomes even clearer, your new normal.
It’s unfair to both parties to expect instant clarity. (Have I beaten this eyeglass analogy to death enough yet?) The point is, you don’t know who you’re looking for until you see them. And you can’t really see them until you take time to see them. If you’re lucky enough to eventually fall for them, you start not seeing clearly again. The little time-released annoyances to come are initially rendered invisible or charmingly quirky. So remember – Look before you leap. Then stop looking.