Welcome back to September 12, 2012. Or forward, that is. Hope you’re having a rockin’ Jewish New Year’s Eve. Our own Sarah Silverman is at Times Square feeling the electricity…

Sarah: “Actually, Andy, it’s the pins and needles from my foot being asleep. Jews everywhere partying like it’s 5999. That was the Prince song he was smart enough not to release. Jewish New Year’s Eve is the one night when we throw caution to the wind and really let our hair down. As a full-fledged member of the tribe, I can attest that it’s a nice break from all the other nights of the year when our hair lets us down, but I’ve learned to live with the frizzies, if you call this living. Here’s a young man that looks like he’s ready to nosh up a storm. Happy Jewish New Year!”

Young man: “What’s nosh mean?”

Sarah: “Keep moving – There’s a sale on mayonnaise down the street, not that you’d care. About the sale, that is. Okay, now here’s a gal that looks like she’s in for a night of kvelling. Happy Jewish New Year!”

Gal: “Same to you.”

Sarah: “Are you making any Jewish New Year’s resolutions this year?”

Gal: “I resolve to resent my folks for spray-painting my name and phone number on their roof in case an eligible young doctor spots it on Google Earth.”

Sarah: “Finally, a resolution that’s unbreakable. If an eligible young doctor is watching, I’m on JDate.”

Sarah, I have to interrupt! We’re just seconds away from the sun dropping down into 5773!

Ten-nine-eight-seven-six-five-four-three-two-one…Happy Jewish New Year! Come on, folks. Look up from your hand-held devices.

Okay, so maybe most of us will be gazing at Blackberrys® versus blackberry Manischewitz shooters the first night of 5773. But at least that’ll leave us bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning for the Roses’ Parade. The Roses – the parade sponsors who allowed me to co-opt their name for that little joke. First up – the Larry David float. All natural materials, the little pisher he’s kicking off his front yard is a mixture of 350 blintzes and 84 pounds of lox. While Larry is crafted from a combination of knishes and bitter herbs.

With 2011 being a New Year, it is a great time to make some New Year’s resolutions to get your dating life on track.  While New Year’s Resolutions are common and generic, let’s focus on online dating resolutions.  As you start this year, think about making the following improvements that will help to improve your online dating life.

Put up some new pictures – Put up some profile pictures that show your best assets.  Your photo album should be treated with care and carefully created.  The idea is to tell the story of your life through pictures.

Fix that profile – Writing an online dating profile requires a lot of effort and skill.  Look over that dusty old profile of 2010 and come up with a new profile that will help to build attraction and generate interest.

Improve your humor - The biggest way to generate interest in both males and females during an initial conversation is through humor.  Start finding ways to make your potential dates laugh through your emails and Instant Messages and rid yourself of repetitive small talk.

Improve your inner and outer health – Improving your physical health will not only make you more attractive to the opposite sex, but will increase your mental health, as well. This will provide you a tremendous boost in self confidence.

Follow these New Year’s Resolutions and you may just find your online dating life heating up for 2011.  So get to work!

So last week, post-Schmooz-A-Palooza®, this princess boarded THE Princess and sailed off to visit the Mexican Riviera. The ship was absolutely filled with young quarter-life crisis kids and the most outgoing of us (which was thankfully the majority) clicked right from the start, making this the perfect young maiden’s voyage. Ringing in twenty-ten with three thousand of my closest strangers was a surprising blast, and although the New Year’s kiss usually has girls feeling more than single and guys dealing with the whole “I don’t want to give her the wrong relationship idea” thing, this was just one giant ALL-night party that left those hypnotized by various intoxicants free to either (dis) or engage in a little NYE lip-locking. The entire ship, no matter what age, seemed to party sans drama ‘til twenty-ten’s first dawn. The entire experience was by far one of my fave trips, and it completely had me craving another cruise sooner rather than later. Though most people consider an out-of-the-country fling a temporary one, the last time I met someone on a cruise, we ended up dating on and off for two years. Mind you we didn’t kiss and tell during the weeklong vacay, we waited until we were safely back on So-Cal soil to sexperiment. All and all the trip down the Pacific Coast was sinsational, if that’s how this year started, I can’t wait to see what else it brings. Something wonderfully wicked this way comes.

Los Angeles seems impossibly small when it comes to dating, let alone dating in the Jewish community.  My New Year’s resolution in, what month is it already, March?  My how time flies!   It seems that my environmentally-friendly philosophies have carried over into my dating life and recycle, reduce, reuse are more than a way of life, they unintentionally became my dating mantra, as well as several of my girlfriends’.  Guess we took preserving our resources a bit too far, eh girls?  So, back to my resolution. In the third month of the year I am starting fresh.  Things for me usually happen in threes, third time not necessarily a charm, and so in an effort to initiate a dating renaissance, I have erased all evidence of the former flames.

I am currently in possession of a blank page, blank contact list, and blank text message inbox, and let me tell you – the white abyss has never looked so dangerous.  I guess there’s no fool-proof life preserver  when you jump back into the dating pool.  I can only thank G-d that my bff’s are well-rehearsed in CPR, because they will always be there to rescue me, or jump ship with me depending on the dating situation.  Project SOS (Save Our SweetLo) has commenced, and I’m diving head first into uncharted territory, and a newly clean contact list, in the hopes of swimming forward instead of just treading water.