There is no “end” in Courtship

by Adam under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Did anyone see the New York Times article on the end of courtship? It was thought-provoking, with way too many shares between females showing up on my Facebook page.

With the high amount of “Girls” references, and the myriad of examples on guys missing dates, or bouncers hooking up with girls over whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese, the article seemed slanted against males. Girls were quoted as saying “guys don’t want to date, courtship is dead,” etc.

While “courtship” in its true 1950’s-esque definition means it is 100% on the guy to call the girl up, take her out, buy her flowers, and almost control the relationship, courtship in the millennial sense is entirely different. As I alluded to in my previous article about casual sex, we live in a time of convenience, and a time where 20 and 30-something females are on basically the same footing as males in terms of getting careers on track. It is not the era of “at 22 women will be bound to the house, studying up on Betty Crocker Recipes, and preparing themselves to be baby makers”. For the record, I don’t think my mother ever made a Betty Crocker recipe.

It’s not the end of courtship, it’s a change in courtship. I’m one who would rather call a girl to ask her out than text her. However, the problem lies when she doesn’t CALL back, but rather texts… saying that texting is easier for her. So, she really has no right to complain after setting that precedent early on in the dating cycle.

In terms of the Jewish world, Jewish young adults have a tendency to get married at a much older age than their other U.S. young adult counterparts. The marriage age has also increased from 21 and 23 during the 1970’s for Jewish brides and grooms, to 27 and 29 in 2010. Jewish young adults also have a tendency to be more career-focused than their other American young adult brethren, and millennial young adults in general have a tendency to be more transient than in generations past.

Given those facts and conclusions stated above, it is only natural that dating has undergone a change too. Courtship is still alive, but if you think you’re going to get a serious relationship out of a hook-up complete with whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese, well, you’ve got a wide other set of problems.

Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

by SweetLo under JBloggers,Judaism,Single Life

God was gracious enough to give us ten commandments years ago – guidelines which serve as a basis by which we can govern ourselves. Unfortunately, he neglected to include the dos and don’ts of dating among that list. Of course it’s no secret that this was done on purpose, something has to serve as holier-than-thou comic relief when the world gets to be too much, and how awesome for us that we’ve been nominated for that job (and no one in their right mind would turn down a job in this ridiculous economy).
So throughout history, guys and gals have endured relationships, often accompanied by several different shades of humility, in order to find “the one” in a world of what, six billion people? This trying task often lured even the purest at heart to indulge in any one of the seven deadly sins, hoping a walk on the wild side would lead them to their significant other.
So in pursuit of Mr. Right, chicks over the years have followed unrealistic guidelines that make fad dieting seem more successful, and for what!? Because someone else says they work? I’m pretty sure my absolute favorite example of this masochistic method is “The Rules” that came out years ago, urging girls to follow guidelines in order to snare someone. Hell, if it were as easy as listening to someone else, Jewish girls would all be married thanks to their I-know-everything Jewish mothers! And I’m pretty sure that book is responsible for directly defiling the eleventh commandment – “Thou shalt not make false promises.”
So what it comes down to is, you do what feels right to you. The vintage among us gals will wait ‘til said boy asks for their number, the more daring darlings will just ask for theirs – and not because that’s what the newest New York Times bestseller list says, but because that’s what feels right for them. When it comes to commanding love and its deadly counterpart lust – there are no guidelines a gal can follow to make sure she meets her match (hence the tragicomedy of said search for HRH’s viewing pleasure – now available on demand for the creator’s convenience).
I have girlfriends that govern their love lives by rules at a 180 degree difference from my own, and it works for us. Of course, here in the City of Angels, anything goes, but that’s the fun in finding “the one” – you get that one puzzle piece that fits – or you just get tired of hammering the wrong one into place after a while. The point being, if Palin would like another list of books to ban – I can go ahead and recommend a few that cause more grief than good. Life without set rules seems so much more fun! And concealed commandment twelve clearly states “thou shalt not heed stupid advice,” and who are we to defy such revelations? After all, Adam and Eve never adhered to such stupidity, and even though they got evicted, they were fairly happy with each other – homeless and all. So ignore the apple, it doesn’t fit in with your Atkins lifestyle anyways. The Rules were meant to be broken.