under Date Night
Your body language communicates more than your actual words… by A LOT! 55% vs 7% to be exact, with the remaining 38% of communication coming from your tone of voice. (When people say that more than 90% of communication is nonverbal, that could be referring to the math of 55+38=93%.) So, what does this mean when you’re dating? It means you need to be cognizant of how you’re sitting or standing, your facial expression and what kinds of looks you’re giving, as well as how you’re saying what you’re saying.
If you don’t want the person you’re speaking with to automatically go on the defensive when you say something that could be perceived as offensive, or something that could easily be taken the wrong way, then make sure your arms aren’t crossed across your chest or placed on your hips. Make eye contact and smile so that your eyes give off warmth. Take a few deep breaths before you start speaking and relax your shoulders.
And while you’re at it — think twice about what you’re saying, does it even need to be said? By the way, these tips are also good for giving off an approachable vibe when you’re looking to attract others!
“Um, yeah, my eyes are over here.” I can’t remember the amount of times I wanted to (or actually did) tell a guy that. Not because he was looking at my cleavage or my legs (although that has happened, as well), but because he was scanning the crowd behind me. What was he looking for? It could have been another girl or one of his friends, but it didn’t really matter. The point was he wasn’t looking at me and making eye contact. Eye contact lets someone know that you’re interested. Your follow up questions and witty comments mean diddly squat to me if you’re not looking at me when you say it.
I believe that it is expected to a point – for someone to check out the scene – but there’s a way to do it and a time do it and an acceptable length of time to do it for.
If you’re on a JDate pre-“The Talk” then you shouldn’t scan the room. If you’re at a singles event and are talking to a potential Beshert, then you absolutely, positively should not let your eyes leave his or her face. Besides the fact that it’s rude, you’re sending a message to your date, your friend or your partner that the who’s who of who’s in the room is more important than they are. Or that you’re bored and uninterested in them. Either way it’s not the way you want to be thought of.
Eye contact, whether it’s with a boss, a coworker, a family member, a friend or a possible Beshert, shows that you’re confident but more importantly it shows that you respect who you are talking to and want to hear what they are saying just as much as you want them to hear what you have to say. Eye contact is probably the most important form of non-verbal communication. Eye contact is the first form of flirting so why would you give it up once you’re having a conversation? Eye contact – or lack thereof – is a social cue, so make sure you know what message you want to send before you start roving. Simply put: maintaining eye contact lets the person know you’re interested, but a wandering eye means exactly the opposite. But it’s preferable to just excuse yourself and walk away rather than be rude by constantly looking over someone’s shoulder.
That said, ladies need to make sure their eyes are made-up with make-up when they’re on a date or at a singles event because if the eyes are the windows to your soul then the curtains should be spectacular! Don’t leave the house without someone eyeliner and mascara and when you’re dressing up thicken the liner and add some shadow. If you have wrinkles and they make you insecure then look into getting some eye cream or injectibles. Being single is tough enough without being uncomfortable in your own skin. You can’t avoid eye contact so make sure your eyes look great!