Since I’m a proponent of dressing for the weather, there is lots of exposed skin in my near future as the city goes from pleasant, to disgustingly hot and humid. My ankles are already making the neighborhood rounds in some sockless flats.

I inaugurated my residency here last year by discovering the joys of NYC street meat and bodega sandwiches, and my waist line was a reflection of this love affair. This summer, I will not wallow in self-pity and muumuus as I try to secure myself dates with old, now slightly inaccurate photographic representations of myself. I’ve decided instead to be proactive, and have embarked on a fitness program that will have me back in my early JDate shape, this time with  more muscle.

It’s been many years since I’ve devoted significant amounts of time to the pursuit of fitness, but the results are already appreciable. A quick audit found that three out of four cat callers are in favor of what I’ve been doing. If these cat callers are speaking the minds of the more reticent JDate community, it is time for me to update my profile pictures.

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been a JDate member for about four months and have been chatting with someone since July. In our 1st chat he gave me his personal email, but since then his profile has been unavailable.  What does it mean?? He’s a widow and really interesting…but something weird is going on.  He told me he lives in NYC, but he’s been in Egypt for a month…and if I ask something personal he doesn’t answer. How do I know if he is telling the truth??

Dear Truth Teller,

If you have to ask the question then you probably already know the answer. This guy sounds super sketchy. He’s interesting because he’s making up interesting stuff to impress you. He’s totally unavailable and doesn’t reveal anything personal about himself. I would even go so far as to say he is either married or, at the very least, in a serious relationship. Sorry, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he sounds shady and I would suggest you block him, forget about him and move on to better (i.e. honest) men. If you feel like it, call him out on his conniving ways before you block him, but definitely forget about this loser! Good Luck!

It was a glorious weekend, taking a stroll on the upper west side to meet the girls at our favorite Sunday brunch place Isabella’s, very “sex and the city” as we toasted with our Bellini’s.  As I was walking, I locked eyes with a good-looking gentleman who waved hello.  He looked familiar but I could not place how I knew him.  I definitely did not know his name and I definitely had not gone on a date with him.  After racking my brain, I realized we had actually never met.  We only knew each other through cyber space and recognized each other from our photos.  How strange it is to recognize a familiar JDate face in a city of over 8 million people.  I guess strangers are only friends who have yet to meet.  To make it a little stranger, I saw him enter my building which I assume he lives in.  NYC for as big as it is, is amazingly small sometimes.

I feel fortunate that I get contacted by quality men on this site.  Full stop.  Unfortunately for me, at least half the time these men don’t live in the most geographically easy places, let’s say Chicago.  Overlooking the fact, I am a “Miami Beach gal” at heart and can’t ever imagine how I would survive a Chicago winter.  I struggle with how you get to know someone, really know someone, on line and via phone.  Also, isn’t physical and in-person chemistry at least 50% (if not more) of the equation?  I often get pushback from these pursuits when I graciously decline. A lot of these folks don’t seem to struggle like I do and are more open-minded that their beshert may be across the country despite the energy this cyber geographically undesirable courtship may entail.

Of course, if I met a special someone that happened to live in another city, I could be persuaded that the relationship is worth the go.  But as for cyber cross-country courting, honestly the thought alone sounds exhausting.  But perhaps I need to be more open.  Perhaps I’m cutting off the nose to spite… and my partner may live in dare I say Alaska or Minnesota.  Aha, but then again, I do live in NYC where singles seem to be as abundant as bagels. Hmmm something to ponder…

Sounds like a country song…Welcome to NYC.   However, the city pays dividends in energy if you can keep up.  I’m excited as I’m moving and have made an upgrade for more space, more light and more money.  Along with my new hotel-like trendy building comes new people and perhaps new cute neighbors to meet. You just never know who I may meet waiting for the next elevator…

As I was perusing the JDate profiles one moniker grabbed my attention from a handsome gentleman AKA Lets Grow Old Together….  Although premature in his intention in his late thirties, I couldn’t agree with him more.  Granted, as a singleton in NYC I enjoy the social opportunities that I am afforded.  Though as uncool as it may sound, a party once in awhile is fine, but I prefer going to bed by 11:00 and waking up early.  I prefer outside activities during the day verses bar activities.  A double date, dinner party with a mad game of Taboo and a great bottle of wine sounds wonderful.  Spending the afternoon picnicking in Central Park, catching up on reading, and watching the row boats equals a perfect day.  I’m so over the bar scene.  I guess the ritual ground hound day’s life with my partner and dog, sounds pretty exciting to me.  For me, there is a warmth and happy content consistency that comes from the notion of routine and Growing Old Together.

Despite the torrential downpour Saturday, it was by all accounts a great day. I ducked into a French bistro with one of my closest girlfriends for a late NYC brunch. Since it had easily been a month since we had last seen each other, we talked at a rocket pace discussing work, upcoming trials, future travel plans and of course, our current crushes. After brunch, we ran in the hurricane-like weather to our next destination…Mani-Pedi. Catching up with a girlfriend while accomplishing our errands was no doubt a great time. Yet, I couldn’t help to think on this dreary day that staying in bed, watching movies, eating Ben and Jerry’s and being goofy with that special crush would make for a priceless day.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Background:  Briefly, met a nice girl online and we began dating during the first part of the year. I live in Connecticut, she lives in NYC. We had much to talk about and enjoyed each other’s company on our meetings.  Soon, I was staying over on weekends.  She took me out on my birthday; I took her out of NYC for Valentine’s Day.  We went to shows, comedy events, concerts, etc.  We never had a cross word, disagreement or argument. Suddenly, just a few days ago, she refuses to talk to me anymore – stone cold. We were on our second month. Nothing was ever spoken directly of being exclusive or anything like that. I think it was still a little early.

So what happened?  Why did she cast me off? Is there anything I can do?  I really liked this woman and did whatever I could to make our time together great.

Signed,

Lost and Broken

Dear Lost and Broken,

I am so sorry to hear about this. I do know from my own experience how difficult this can be to make sense of. I wish I knew what happened and her reasons behind not speaking to you any longer. I am not going to try and guess what her motivations are, but rather I am going to do my best to look at this from another perspective.

Even though this is probably going to be difficult to read and put into practice, please try. Look at it this way; she is a coward. Obviously something happened and she does not have the courage to explain it to you. Consider yourself lucky. Do you want to be with someone who runs and hides? Do you want to be with someone who does not have a clue about communication?  Do you want to be with someone who has the capacity to throw people away? I know I sure wouldn’t. I do understand that you need closure, but give yourself the closure. Make the decision to move forward without her. If she does get in touch, keep in mind these questions I have asked you. If she can do it once, she can do it twice. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss, but don’t dwell on it. It sounds like you are a great catch and there are many women on JDate who would be very grateful to meet someone like you.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Years ago I was at a gorgeous resort in Costa Rica appropriately named “Mariposa” as it was truly engulfed by gorgeous butterflies.  Fast forward, I recently found myself in a deep conversation with a Latin guy friend who conveyed he didn’t understand NYC dating rituals. Frustrated, he stated people jump and jump, no one stands still for a second to even see if a connection can develop.  If it is not an instant connection, then they’re on to the next. I proclaimed “Mariposa”– like the jumping butterflies.  In a city of attractive and uber-successful people, here’s hoping in 2010 that you take a break from the Mariposa ways, and that you delve a little deeper. You may be surprised by getting some of your own internal butterflies.

Another year passes with the start of the holiday season.  Nothing is better than the holiday spirit in NYC! Sure, did I think I’d be celebrating with my apparently LOST spouse and kids, hell yeah, but such is life and fate with its mysterious twists and turns. Fortunately, I’ll be spending it with my wonderful family, which always involves much laughter, thankfully some catering, and a great celebration with friends and family. During what has been an extraordinarily difficult time for many people this year, I am grateful for all my blessings and hope much joy, peace and easier times ahead for those affected by 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving!