Dear Gems from Jen,

Background:  Briefly, met a nice girl online and we began dating during the first part of the year. I live in Connecticut, she lives in NYC. We had much to talk about and enjoyed each other’s company on our meetings.  Soon, I was staying over on weekends.  She took me out on my birthday; I took her out of NYC for Valentine’s Day.  We went to shows, comedy events, concerts, etc.  We never had a cross word, disagreement or argument. Suddenly, just a few days ago, she refuses to talk to me anymore – stone cold. We were on our second month. Nothing was ever spoken directly of being exclusive or anything like that. I think it was still a little early.

So what happened?  Why did she cast me off? Is there anything I can do?  I really liked this woman and did whatever I could to make our time together great.

Signed,

Lost and Broken

Dear Lost and Broken,

I am so sorry to hear about this. I do know from my own experience how difficult this can be to make sense of. I wish I knew what happened and her reasons behind not speaking to you any longer. I am not going to try and guess what her motivations are, but rather I am going to do my best to look at this from another perspective.

Even though this is probably going to be difficult to read and put into practice, please try. Look at it this way; she is a coward. Obviously something happened and she does not have the courage to explain it to you. Consider yourself lucky. Do you want to be with someone who runs and hides? Do you want to be with someone who does not have a clue about communication?  Do you want to be with someone who has the capacity to throw people away? I know I sure wouldn’t. I do understand that you need closure, but give yourself the closure. Make the decision to move forward without her. If she does get in touch, keep in mind these questions I have asked you. If she can do it once, she can do it twice. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss, but don’t dwell on it. It sounds like you are a great catch and there are many women on JDate who would be very grateful to meet someone like you.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Bookmark this:

Years ago I was at a gorgeous resort in Costa Rica appropriately named “Mariposa” as it was truly engulfed by gorgeous butterflies.  Fast forward, I recently found myself in a deep conversation with a Latin guy friend who conveyed he didn’t understand NYC dating rituals. Frustrated, he stated people jump and jump, no one stands still for a second to even see if a connection can develop.  If it is not an instant connection, then they’re on to the next. I proclaimed “Mariposa”– like the jumping butterflies.  In a city of attractive and uber-successful people, here’s hoping in 2010 that you take a break from the Mariposa ways, and that you delve a little deeper. You may be surprised by getting some of your own internal butterflies.

Bookmark this:

Another year passes with the start of the holiday season.  Nothing is better than the holiday spirit in NYC! Sure, did I think I’d be celebrating with my apparently LOST spouse and kids, hell yeah, but such is life and fate with its mysterious twists and turns. Fortunately, I’ll be spending it with my wonderful family, which always involves much laughter, thankfully some catering, and a great celebration with friends and family. During what has been an extraordinarily difficult time for many people this year, I am grateful for all my blessings and hope much joy, peace and easier times ahead for those affected by 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Bookmark this:

We’ve all had our cases/moments where we thought “this is the One” and heartbreak was soon to follow…and in times of heartbreak, my mom would always say, (you can’t hurry love – actually that was Phil) “It may not seem like it now, but the next bus is around the corner.” And for singletons in NYC, the theory can’t be more true. In the city that never sleeps, there are always new friends to be made. So if you happen to think Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect anymore, trust me and mom, when I say the next bus is just around the corner.

Bookmark this:

On my way to work this morning, a group of four young rapper artists jumped on the C Train and started showing off their art, break dancing and the like, during commuter traffic…only in NYC! As I watched their talent, I was amazed at how uninhibited they were.  They didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Their goal was to dance, make some change and perhaps get noticed.

I walked off with a smile and thoughts regarding how inhibited we have become from our history of experiences. If we actually approached each new relationship with a little less caution, with no thoughts of red flags or how it may not work out, but in turn viewed it uninhibitedly what would be the result? Perhaps the course of love may be the same, but no doubt the dance would be a lot more fun.   

#49 Continuing with places to meet people this summer…rumor has it JDate is having a Club Getaway weekend – go uninhibited, play tennis, get a tan, and dance!

Bookmark this:

I hope Paul Simon does not mind I cribbed some of his words…But summer is an amazing time to meet new people. The sun (okay so it has been raining a lot in NYC – but hopefully that is behind us), energy and Magaritaville attitude makes summer an amazing time to meet new friends and possibly your next lover.

Here goes the first of up to 50 suggestions….

1. Tennis Camp
Whether you are focused on perfecting that serve, looking for a new tennis partner or more.  This past weekend, I went to tennis camp at the USTA headquarters and participated in a one-day camp, met some new friends and improved my game. As well, Total Tennis in upstate New York has a sleepover camp as the name aptly describes the camp of basically total tennis (with meals and evenings to socialize).  Total Tennis also has singles weekends.  TIP FOR THE MEN: the place is filled with cute girls in shape – what are you waiting for?  A common hobby, exercise, Game, Love.

Bookmark this:

The one thing I’m asked most often is, how do people juggle it all? How do people find the time to date, work at demanding jobs, do errands, spend time with friends and family, have alone time AND work out? No doubt life is a shuffling game of priorities where one thing or another is always in the air. Recently, JDate smartly hosted a mixer at the Reebok Sports Club/NY gym in the UWS. A perfect example of combining things on my “To Do List” (mixing and working out). The mixer included smoothies and the opportunity to take one of three aerobics classes. It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – two great tastes that taste great together. Okay, focus. As a member of Reebok and an unpaid endorser – Reebok is great, though its uber expensive, like most things are in NYC. So time spent at a swanky gym, working out and mixing – seems like a slam dunk. The upside is that even if you don’t meet that special someone, it is gonna make you sweat one way or the other.

Bookmark this:

Dear Gems from Jen,

I flirted and emailed this JDater. We both put that we would Click! He never has responded to me; however, every once in a while I check out his profile, he reciprocates and checks out my profile. I haven’t changed my picture. Thus, he knows it is me checking out his profile out again. I don’t know if he is looking to see if I have updated my About Me section of my profile. He lives between NYC and Washington DC. Is it that I am geographically undesirable? Why does he continuesto check out my profile even after he hasn’t responded to my Flirt or email.
 
Dear Between NYC and D.C.,
 
Good question! I wish I had an answer with an absolute, but I’m afraid I don’t. Obviously there is something intriguing about you or he would not continue to check out your profile even if you believe you could be geographically undesirable.
 
Have you updated your profile recently?  Perhaps he is looking for some newer content. Have you tried emailing or flirting with him again?  Maybe you should try this first step once more.  You never know, he might like to be pursued. If you are sincerely interested in getting to know more about this particular JDater then it is definitely worth a shot. If he does not respond and continues to check your profile, ignore the glances and move on to the next potential JDater.  My opinion: you have nothing to lose by reaching out one last time, and everything to gain. 
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

Bookmark this:

Three real estate lingo buzz words when looking for that perfect home…that don’t necessarily translate in the search for the perfect mate.  In today’s economic crisis, dating can be a financial strain for those with an uncertain future or for those who have recently been part of a reduction in force. 

However, there are so many fun activities to take advantage of in a metropolitan city like NYC where most people are living life in a New York minute and there is barely enough time to smell the proverbial roses.  For example, a fun recent date involved taking a tour of the west village on foot and discovering the hidden nooks and charms while having a taste test of arguably the best burger establishments in NYC. 

As you wander the streets and stroll through the street fairs, every topic under the sun is bound to come up..and really isn’t that the goal? To have an enjoyable time and determine whether or not your values and goals are compatible. Don’t get me wrong; as a foodie, a meal at Nobu can be unforgettable, but with the right person, so can the streets of the west village or the DMV for that matter.  Walking the street fairs of the west village, $0.  A burger at the Corner Bistro, $7.  Good company, priceless.

Bookmark this:

Not that…

Every year, various publications come out with their lists of best cities to be single in…undoubtedly NYC always makes the grade.

This week/weekend I’m in DC working and visiting. Having lived in DC for over 12 years, I have a great love and appreciation for the “town.”  DC is a dichotomy of a transient melting pot focused on the political industry and a southern town.  As I was sleeping in my spacious house in the burbs compared to my shoebox off of Central Park, the quiet became a little eerie…with no activity, doorman, bodega around the corner, I contemplated what the best city for singles truly is.

As the eternal romantic, I think you can meet your beshert on a plane.  Since I have no flights scheduled, I’ll put that aside for now.  Despite the complaints I have heard, I’m convinced there is no better place than NYC for no other reason than the number of people you encounter everyday in this walking city.  And without question, there is never enough time to attend all the fun events or try the hottest new restaurant, while meeting your future “who knows”.

Even if some of my girlfriends who have lived in NYC for years are frustrated by the scene, I’m still the eternal optimist and think there is no better city to be single in. I guess I now adopted a New York State of Mind.

Bookmark this: