Another year passes with the start of the holiday season. Nothing is better than the holiday spirit in NYC! Sure, did I think I’d be celebrating with my apparently LOST spouse and kids, hell yeah, but such is life and fate with its mysterious twists and turns. Fortunately, I’ll be spending it with my wonderful family, which always involves much laughter, thankfully some catering, and a great celebration with friends and family. During what has been an extraordinarily difficult time for many people this year, I am grateful for all my blessings and hope much joy, peace and easier times ahead for those affected by 2009.
We’ve all had our cases/moments where we thought “this is the One” and heartbreak was soon to follow…and in times of heartbreak, my mom would always say, (you can’t hurry love – actually that was Phil) “It may not seem like it now, but the next bus is around the corner.” And for singletons in NYC, the theory can’t be more true. In the city that never sleeps, there are always new friends to be made. So if you happen to think Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect anymore, trust me and mom, when I say the next bus is just around the corner.
On my way to work this morning, a group of four young rapper artists jumped on the C Train and started showing off their art, break dancing and the like, during commuter traffic…only in NYC! As I watched their talent, I was amazed at how uninhibited they were. They didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Their goal was to dance, make some change and perhaps get noticed.
I walked off with a smile and thoughts regarding how inhibited we have become from our history of experiences. If we actually approached each new relationship with a little less caution, with no thoughts of red flags or how it may not work out, but in turn viewed it uninhibitedly what would be the result? Perhaps the course of love may be the same, but no doubt the dance would be a lot more fun.
#49 Continuing with places to meet people this summer…rumor has it JDate is having a Club Getaway weekend – go uninhibited, play tennis, get a tan, and dance!
I hope Paul Simon does not mind I cribbed some of his words…But summer is an amazing time to meet new people. The sun (okay so it has been raining a lot in NYC – but hopefully that is behind us), energy and Magaritaville attitude makes summer an amazing time to meet new friends and possibly your next lover.
Here goes the first of up to 50 suggestions….
1. Tennis Camp
Whether you are focused on perfecting that serve, looking for a new tennis partner or more. This past weekend, I went to tennis camp at the USTA headquarters and participated in a one-day camp, met some new friends and improved my game. As well, Total Tennis in upstate New York has a sleepover camp as the name aptly describes the camp of basically total tennis (with meals and evenings to socialize). Total Tennis also has singles weekends. TIP FOR THE MEN: the place is filled with cute girls in shape – what are you waiting for? A common hobby, exercise, Game, Love.
The one thing I’m asked most often is, how do people juggle it all? How do people find the time to date, work at demanding jobs, do errands, spend time with friends and family, have alone time AND work out? No doubt life is a shuffling game of priorities where one thing or another is always in the air. Recently, JDate smartly hosted a mixer at the Reebok Sports Club/NY gym in the UWS. A perfect example of combining things on my “To Do List” (mixing and working out). The mixer included smoothies and the opportunity to take one of three aerobics classes. It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – two great tastes that taste great together. Okay, focus. As a member of Reebok and an unpaid endorser – Reebok is great, though its uber expensive, like most things are in NYC. So time spent at a swanky gym, working out and mixing – seems like a slam dunk. The upside is that even if you don’t meet that special someone, it is gonna make you sweat one way or the other.
Dear Gems from Jen,
I flirted and emailed this JDater. We both put that we would Click! He never has responded to me; however, every once in a while I check out his profile, he reciprocates and checks out my profile. I haven’t changed my picture. Thus, he knows it is me checking out his profile out again. I don’t know if he is looking to see if I have updated my About Me section of my profile. He lives between NYC and Washington DC. Is it that I am geographically undesirable? Why does he continuesto check out my profile even after he hasn’t responded to my Flirt or email.
Dear Between NYC and D.C.,
Good question! I wish I had an answer with an absolute, but I’m afraid I don’t. Obviously there is something intriguing about you or he would not continue to check out your profile even if you believe you could be geographically undesirable.
Have you updated your profile recently? Perhaps he is looking for some newer content. Have you tried emailing or flirting with him again? Maybe you should try this first step once more. You never know, he might like to be pursued. If you are sincerely interested in getting to know more about this particular JDater then it is definitely worth a shot. If he does not respond and continues to check your profile, ignore the glances and move on to the next potential JDater. My opinion: you have nothing to lose by reaching out one last time, and everything to gain.
Gems from Jen
Three real estate lingo buzz words when looking for that perfect home…that don’t necessarily translate in the search for the perfect mate. In today’s economic crisis, dating can be a financial strain for those with an uncertain future or for those who have recently been part of a reduction in force.
However, there are so many fun activities to take advantage of in a metropolitan city like NYC where most people are living life in a New York minute and there is barely enough time to smell the proverbial roses. For example, a fun recent date involved taking a tour of the west village on foot and discovering the hidden nooks and charms while having a taste test of arguably the best burger establishments in NYC.
As you wander the streets and stroll through the street fairs, every topic under the sun is bound to come up..and really isn’t that the goal? To have an enjoyable time and determine whether or not your values and goals are compatible. Don’t get me wrong; as a foodie, a meal at Nobu can be unforgettable, but with the right person, so can the streets of the west village or the DMV for that matter. Walking the street fairs of the west village, $0. A burger at the Corner Bistro, $7. Good company, priceless.
under Single Life
Every year, various publications come out with their lists of best cities to be single in…undoubtedly NYC always makes the grade.
This week/weekend I’m in DC working and visiting. Having lived in DC for over 12 years, I have a great love and appreciation for the “town.” DC is a dichotomy of a transient melting pot focused on the political industry and a southern town. As I was sleeping in my spacious house in the burbs compared to my shoebox off of Central Park, the quiet became a little eerie…with no activity, doorman, bodega around the corner, I contemplated what the best city for singles truly is.
As the eternal romantic, I think you can meet your beshert on a plane. Since I have no flights scheduled, I’ll put that aside for now. Despite the complaints I have heard, I’m convinced there is no better place than NYC for no other reason than the number of people you encounter everyday in this walking city. And without question, there is never enough time to attend all the fun events or try the hottest new restaurant, while meeting your future “who knows”.
Even if some of my girlfriends who have lived in NYC for years are frustrated by the scene, I’m still the eternal optimist and think there is no better city to be single in. I guess I now adopted a New York State of Mind.
under Online Dating
As I have been globetrotting through the tri-state area for my real job, my close guy friend “Dr. Mike” (see previous blog post) and I have continued debating/discussing dating etiquette or the “rules to live by”.
1. Be in THE MOMENT. Always turn your phone/blackberry off while on the date. If you are actually expecting an important call (from a sick relative or Barak Obama), let your date know as soon as the date begins and the general nature of the interruption. If the use of electronics is needed – excuse yourself and do it in the bathroom. I have emailed my date sitting across from me (who was emailing) to ask how dinner was going. Trust me, I’m guilty as charged, but your focus should be on getting to know the person in front of you.
2. Call the woman (or email) the next day if you are interested. None of this ‘wait 48 hrs bull.’ Trust me, it doesn’t pique your date’s interest, it actually lessens it. Recently, a date asked me out on our next date within 15 minutes into our second date, which threw me off guard, but I thought it was incredibly charming (granted the interest was mutual).
3. During your date, ask her if she is a texter, emailer, or actual phone-speaker….so you know how to contact her in the future.
4. I know this will cause a stir for us Manhattanites, but breathe…If your date lives in another borough, or even in Jersey…go there on the first date. A Manhattanite traveling to Jersey for date #1 always scores big.
5. This has been the biggest shocker to me re: NYC dating… the big dilemma of whether or not to meet at the date location. Both Dr. Mike and I agree that offering to pick up and drop off your date is always the polite move. Perhaps this makes your date uncomfortable, but offering can never hurt you (even if she lives 35 blocks away, and you are going to a restaurant around the corner from where you live). Addendum per Dr. Mike: When you pick your date up, get out of cab to greet her.
6. Ask your date questions about herself/himself. It shows interest (think Matt Lauer/Meredith Viera)…but don’t put her/him up on witness stand.
7. No politics, no religion ( I guess for this blog not really an issue), no heavy ex- relationship discussions.
8. When the check arrives, guys immediately move it to your side so it is not awkwardly lingering in the middle. Ladies, make the platitude offer though most feel if it is accepted in the beginning, it’s a deal breaker. At some point as the dates progress, ladies make some contribution or gestures of your own. Relationships are not one-sided.
It seems most folks are in a constant search for one thing or another. As a recent NYC transplant, this week I have been engaged in an apartment search and honestly I’m not sure which is more challenging…finding the right apartment or the right guy to date? I’ve been pounding the pavement on the UWS (Upper West Side) for the perfect apartment and so far there is something always a little off…which reinforces that it is all about priorities/compromise (as with dating)…perfection does not exist…and maybe if it did, it might actually be a little boring. So, when does my search end for my apartment/mensch?I believe when I have an intangible “content” feeling that this is “the perfect fit” with all its imperfections.
Though my practical side is at odds with my romantic notions, reminding me that in both searches timing is crucial and out of my control, both with an apartment vacancy and finding that perfect-enough-for-me bachelor.