Love At First JDate: When to respond to a message

by JenG under Relationships

Though I spend the majority of my time during the day at the computer, especially writing emails, when it comes to remembering to answer messages on JDate I’m simply the worst. Sometimes I won’t write someone back, who genuinely intrigues me, for over 2 weeks. It’s a tendency of a forgetful mind that has me reading a lovely message, smiling, and then quickly being distracted into doing something else.

Do: Answer your messages as soon as you feel like it. Don’t even bother trying to engage in some “I have to wait 24 hours to respond game.” It’s responding to someone, not getting proposed to. There’s no harm in responding quickly and if they find that to be “unattractive” and like a girl they can “chase”, well then move on. That’s just bizarrely bogus and there’s no time for a person like that.

Don’t: Try not to wait an extended long period of time to write back to messages. Keep the conversation flowing and interesting. It’s also very easy to lose a conversation in an overcrowded inbox. Either keep a list of people you enjoy messaging somewhere else to remember to follow up, or respond once you have opened the message to ensure you won’t forget.

Read more of Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Robbie”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Robbie.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Robbie,

PROFILE NAME
I know your initials are in there, but I’m not quite sure what else you’re trying to say with the rest of the profile name. Sayings and acronyms only work if everyone is in on the joke. I know you have a sense of humor, so definitely find a way to use it in your profile name but only if everyone will get it.

PHOTOS
Great, consistent photos. Love the fun Mets picture and I’m leaning towards you making it your profile photo as it shows your personality. You’ve done a great job with close-ups, (almost) full length, smiling and serious photos. I would add another photo or two with something funny happening or doing an activity to round out the collection.

IN MY OWN WORDS
Pretty good answers here. So far. You talk about your humor and your love of movies but there’s a lot more to learn about you which you should add to the ABOUT ME section. Where are you from? What kind of childhood did you have? Parents/siblings/nieces & nephews? Where did you go to college? These are a few nuggets of information which give some insight into your background without revealing too much details that should otherwise be left to correspondence and first date conversation.

I would recommend answering the rest of the questions (What I Learned from Past Relationships, My Perfect First Date, A Brief History of My Life — which is where the info I mentioned above belongs).

DETAILS
Everything here looks good except for the few “not answered yet” questions, particularly AGE RANGE  and HAS/WANTS KIDS. Those are important questions to answer. You’re on the younger side being in your mid-twenties and that makes the age range narrower than it would be in your thirties and forties. I doubt you want someone who isn’t old enough to drink, so I think 22 should be your minimum and 28 should be your maximum right now. It’s narrower than I typically like, but it’s appropriate until you move into your late 20s (if you’re still single then). Finally, you state that you want kids so it makes sense to select “yes” when asked if you want to meet a woman who wants kids. Unless you feel strongly about a woman having children right now, then it’s okay to leave that blank but it’s even better to select “doesn’t matter” so that you don’t have blank spaces.


Love At First JDate: The Language of Online Love

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

There is a language for love and then there’s a language for finding love online—both, I whole-heartedly believe, take trial and error, and countless embarrassingly syntactical mistakes to master. But when learning how to present yourself and tame your feelings for a person you have just scrolled upon online, there is a certain etiquette to foster if you want to rendezvous in the real world.

Just like it took me some time to understand when to use the “Poke” button on Facebook (which is never), it also took me a bit of time to understand when to use and when to respond to messages in my JDate inbox that are “Flirt Messages,” (the standard template of one-liners JDate provides users).

  • Do: Send a “Flirt Message” if you want to make someone smile, for a second, to show that you are thinking about them or interested. Follow up with a personal message that showcases a bit of your personality, and above anything else, that you took an extra couple of seconds to browse more than just their selection of glamour shot photos.
  • Don’t: Use it as a cop out and send someone a “Flirt message” over writing your own personal note to them. Remember, your first message to someone doesn’t have to be a novel of questions or a five-paragraph essay. It can be a simple remark about something that caught your eye about them on their profile. Your chances will skyrocket that someone will respond back to a personal message over a standard template message.

Read more of Jen Glantz here.


Love At First JDate: How To End The Date

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Single Life

For all of us 9-5’ers (but really, 9-whenever we are able to swim our way out of the piles of to-do lists that overcrowd our desk and go home), weeknights are a precious time where we are able to garner up just enough energy to plop our tushes down on the couch and fall asleep to the rumbles from the television.

Going out on dates on a weeknight have become a challenge for my exhausted, over-worked self. Just recently, I was enjoying myself on a date when I could feel my head slowly tilting to the side, longing to gracefully fall onto my plush pillow. If ever there was a time to say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” this would have been it.

I’ve found it equally as awkward as it is difficult to find the right way to end a date and call it night without making it seem like you’re uninterested, or trying to cover up mid-sentence yawns. Here’s some ways to do it.

  • Do: Be perfectly upfront and honest. Say you have to wake up super early for work, as I’m sure they do as well, and explain how it’s getting a bit late. Throw in a bit of laughter and say something like, “I can’t believe we’ve been chatting for 3 hours already!” Be bold and tell them you’d love to continue this conversation, or this date, another night—maybe even on the weekend.
  • Don’t: Be rude and cut them off mid-sentence and say you have to get going or stage a fake escape by having one of your friends send you an “I need your help ASAP” text message. I’m guilty of doing this once in my life and I ended up looking like a pathetic fool.

Read more from Jen Glantz at www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


Love At First JDate: Handing Out Your ‘Digits’

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

When I first told a small group of my closest friends that I was going to join JDate, one of them (who has spent a couple of months on the site), turned to me with endearing and enthusiastic eyes and asked, “What’s your plan?”

Plan? What kind of plan did I need? Don’t I just set up a profile with my “who, what, where, why, and when,” and just wait? Did I need to make a to-do list, or a color-coded chart to handle my new wired up dating life?

I told my friend that my plan would include simply emailing any guys I had interest in to set up a date. “Email?!” she said with a non-stop laugh. “That wont go over well.”

Before I joined the site, I was wary about giving out my number. I have a very close-knit relationship with my phone, it goes everywhere with me, even the bath tub (thank you overprotective phone case). The last thing I want is a swarm of text messages from a jumbled mess of men I wouldn’t be able to place a face to a name to… yet. My “plan” of action would be to give out my phone number to a guy, but only after we met in person, and only if we really hit off.

After spending a week on the site, and having several requests to exchange numbers, I quickly realized the only sense of a “plan” I had going into this was suddenly an ultimate failure. I was even turning off guys where I thought there might have been potential. When someone intriguing asked for my digits, I’d say something awkward and nonsensical, making me seem mistakenly distant or uninterested.

So, here’s what I’ve uncovered about sharing your digits:

Don’t: If you’re still not sure you like someone you’re chatting with, and feel as though you need to go on bantering a little more online before handing over your digits. Keep the conversation flowing and casually mention you’d like to keep getting to know more about them before meeting up. If they are turned off, or make you feel uncomfortable, accept this as a possible red flag.

Do: Give out your digits if you feel like you’ve hit it off with someone and wouldn’t mind a quicker chat to occur via the dancing of thumbs on your cellular phone. Also, do give them 500 bonus points if they take your digits, and instead of admiring them, they actually pick up the phone and call you to ask you out on a date.


Yours For The Taking

by Kelly under Relationships

This happens to be my last post on JBlog. I have loved sharing the best of my dating stories, even the ones that make me cringe and want to move far, far away from NYC. But I’ve decided to take a break from online dating for the moment. And since my JDate subscription ends on October 15th, I have determined I have two solid options for how to use my last two weeks here. I could spend my time looking at profiles of guys I have previously seen, talked to, or maybe even dated. (Dude, do you seriously not remember the look I gave you when you ordered your second virgin Shirley Temple of the night?) Or I could offer up a date with myself and see who rises to the opportunity. Truthfully, the latter sounded like the more fun option…but don’t worry, I won’t blog about it (yet).

So if after reading the last 3 months of my dating stories, you have yet to find yourself running for the hills, battening down the hatches, or wondering what kind of guy would ever want to keep me around – this is your chance to ask me out. I should lay out some ground rules so I don’t find myself instantly regretting this offer. You must be: male, age 25-30(ish) and living in NYC. You must be kind, fun, silly, smart, and know better than to order a Shirley Temple without knowing that I will immediately text my friends about it. If that all of the above sounds like you, feel free to email me at kellylaurenstryker@gmail.com and tell me why you think we should go out.

To all of you on JDate, I wish you only the best of luck in your dating endeavors. May you always find humor in your dates, the good, the bad, and the hilarious. And whatever you do, don’t let the schmucks get you down.

xx


Arranged Marriage

by JeremySpoke under JDate,JFacts,Online Dating

Online dating is a lot like being set-up for an arranged marriage. JDate® is especially like an arranged marriage. This isn’t bad. This is actually really great. Choice has gotten to you where you are so far. Alone, sad, desperate, and tired. Freedom is a great thing, unless one is left to his own devices. It has to be a collective process, where people work together. Alone, it can be very destructive. For example, if people spend their lives by themselves solely on the internet, they’re probably not going to get very far. They have to use the internet as a tool that acts as an extension to their already busy lives. JDate®  is a great tool, but it can’t be your only tool. If you sit around thinking online dating alone will find true love for you, it won’t. Believe me. I’m three years into doing exactly that.

And now, here is how this is a lot like an arranged marriage. First, there aren’t going to be a lot of matches in your area because, well, there aren’t a whole lot of Jewish people. So already, your options are limited. Granted, in a real arranged marriage, your options are really limited. They are so limited, in fact, that it’s more of an ‘option’, which by definition isn’t an option at all. I think JDate® acts as a good medium between having only one option, and having so many to sift through that you don’t know where to start. There are always exactly seven women in your area, and that is a perfect number. If you exhaust all seven options, all you have to do is move across the country.

Next, much like an arranged marriage, a lot of people are on here because of their parents. Either their parents themselves set up their profiles, or they convinced their children, out of guilt, to sign up. Parents are just expediting your life for you. You already have a job, probably have decent hygiene, and are a good Samaritan. All you need is a wife. Now, along with your mother, you are working on it.

I think cultures that practice arranged marriages have it right. This is based on absolutely no facts at all, but these cultures have a much lower divorce rate than we do. If you are forced to love somebody, you eventually will. That’s just science.


The Inverse Theory

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Nothing about online dating matters once you meet a person in real life. You could have the best-looking pictures, and the funniest profile. You could be the best online-conversationalist, but if you don’t know how to interact with people in real life, it doesn’t matter. You know who else is good at chatting online? Child predators.

My new theory based on absolutely no research, facts or observation, states that the worse the person’s online persona, the better they are in real life. Good people don’t spend too much time cultivating their profile. They spend time out in the world while their mother who is desperate for her son to marry because he’s 35 and still single, sets up his profile for him. He doesn’t care. He’s too cool to worry about his most flattering photos, and his profile that is just self-deprecating enough to seem cute, but just confident enough to seem secure.

Back in the 50′s, when JDate® consisted of a man at a typewriter staring out of his window with a telescope, life was so much easier. You would just walk up to a stranger’s home in the middle of the night to look for a quality guy. Now, you have to sift through hundreds of profiles to find that right balance between creepy and desperate. Chivalry is dead.

Go out there. Purposefully find the ugliest, stupidest profiles. Go for that shirtless guy taking a picture in his bathroom with an iPhone. Go for the dude who, under, ‘I’m looking for…’, wrote simply, ‘no fatties’. Once you do meet this man in the real world, you will marry him, or file a restraining order within the first 5 minutes. Either way, crazy story.


When I, I, Me, Me Gets Brownie Points?

by AndyCowan under Online Dating

A recent Newsweek® article cites a Cornell University and University of Wisconsin study that people who lie less on their dating profiles tend to more often refer to themselves as “I”. The relatively honest cyber daters also used more direct adjectives like “exciting,” versus “not boring.”

Their most frequent fib? Weight. Women shed an average of 8.5 bogus pounds. Men, an average of 1.5.

So as a forthright JDater®, let me assure the women out there that I am not only not boring, but I am also not overweight. Wait, “not boring” and “not overweight” are indirect adjectives. I am scintillating. I am lean and mean. Not mean, as in ornery, mind you. Wait, I forgot the “I” there. I am not mean, as in ornery! Unless you like them ornery.

If I can’t pander to you during a political year, when can I pander to you?


JDating® Meme

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,JDate,JFacts,Judaism,Online Dating

Oy vey, from gentiles to Jewish mothers, we all see JDating a bit differently! While we know most of these images are meshugenah, here’s a funny look at how those around us may see the world of JDating! Share it and have a good laugh!