Many people that struggle with online dating continue to struggle for long periods of time. 

They mainly struggle for one of two reasons.  Either they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and refuse to seek help, or they are seeking online dating help from the wrong people.

The only way to improve something that is broken is to fix it by learning the correct way to fix the problem.   If you don’t take the time to learn, things will not change. 

However, some people attempt to learn online dating advice, only to find themselves struggling the same as they were before, if not more.

This is because most people who provide online dating advice are writing things that sound good in theory, but either have little real world value, or they are only writing articles because it is their job and they need to fill a deadline.

My recommendation is to learn from the best.  Find people you know that have been highly successful.  Research people who are acclaimed with positive feedback from people whom have used their systems and ideas.

 Learning from the best is the only way to get better.  So weed out all that online dating advice and start making some genuine progress.

So many men seeking online dating advice come to me with the same story…

They go out on a first date…

Everything seems to go absolutely perfect.

They have fun, enjoy good conversation, there is heavy flirting, some casual kisses, and even planning for a second first date that takes place..

And then NOTHING.

The girl disappears, never to be seen again.

So what on earth happened?

1.  We may not be being honest with ourselves.  But if the date resulted in kisses (Pending they weren’t over the top sexual) and plans for a second date were made, odds are that it probably is not that and the date did actually go well.

2.  The female is just flaky, plain and simple.  One of the problems that is inherit with online dating is that it creates a strive to find absolute perfection.  Women just never ever stop getting new messages.  They may have even received 20 new messages since the time your date ended, to when your first phone call was made.  Some of these women just keep dating new people no matter how good their first date was because they are always looking for something better that may not be out there.

My advice, just go with the flow and don’t start building houses with white picket fences until you are sure you found one that is ready to commit!  It may just not always be your fault!

Would we still need online dating if people actually talked to each other still?

Let’s face it. These days nobody talks to each other.  We are truly living in a Farenheight 451 world. 

Why don’t we talk to each other?  One word.  Technology.

These days everyone is constantly connected, hooked up, and wired in.  In fact, the other day a friend of mine, who teaches, took his class on a school trip.  He said it was the first time he ever heard his class silent.  This is because they were allowed to bring phones and whatnot in that day, so everyone was locked in on the bus ride.

This makes me kind of sad.  Technology is great, but sometimes we are just too connected.  Where there is progress, there is always a price.

With the invention of planes the birds lose their wonder.  With the invention of online dating, we no longer have to talk to people in real life anymore..

Well, maybe that is a good thing, I take it all back!

Online dating works. It really does. Every site loves to advertise the success rate its “clients” have, not only meeting people and going out on dates, but also how many of them end up getting married. Of course I knew these testimonials I was seeing on television and reading online weren’t fabricated. Yet, they really didn’t hit home with me until someone close to me met a woman on JDate he eventually married.

Many of my friends have used online dating as a tool to meet people for far longer then I have. But this was the first time that I knew well got married to a person they had met online. To be honest this struck me in a slightly different way than when my friends have married their college sweethearts or gotten married to people they met at work or through friends. I don’t mean to imply that that difference is negative, but rather just that it’s new.

Over the past several years online dating has become mainstream and forever influenced and changed the way that people meet, interact and date, which is something many of us are currently benefiting from. In the end I don’t know if I will find my future wife on JDate, through a friend or at a coffee shop. But I do find it comforting to actually know someone who is a true online dating success story.

I think the unwritten rule that once you leave college you can’t make a new friend of the opposite sex is complete bollix. I understand that, as a single male, I am much more apt to view every woman I meet in terms of her romantic potential but I am very sick of viewing woman, and our interactions, this way. Case in point, as I’ve mentioned numerous times in past blogs, I haven’t gone out on what I would consider to be a bad date in over a year. That being said, however, I haven’t been interested in going out on many second dates, which has left me in a bit of conundrum.

You see, I’ve gone out on a bunch of dates with women that I didn’t feel a romantic attraction or connection with, though I would have loved to continue hanging out with them as friends. I know that this would be a much more reasonable request if I hadn’t met the women in question on a dating site, since then we wouldn’t have met under the sole pretense of seeing if we were romantically compatible. Yet, I still wish there was some wiggle room within this construct that would allow us the opportunity to become friends.

Recently I was on JDate scanning the list of women who were online and I noticed a woman that I had dated last year for about two months was logged on. Our relationship ended amicably with both of us agreeing that our schedules were too conflicting and that we just couldn’t make things work. However, I’ve always felt that, had we met under different circumstances, without the burden of expectations which dating someone brings, we could have become really good friends. Of course, when we decided to stop dating we both wished each other well. Still, I am someone who believes you can never have too many good people in your life, which is why I was tempted when I saw her online recently to say hello and ask how she was doing.

Of course I know that this is a big online dating no-no since, once you cease dating someone you’ve met online, you are supposed to cut ties and go back to the proverbial dating grind. Yet, I don’t like underlying reality to online dating. Having that been said I don’t know how I plan on changing it since I might be leading the way in this revolution without anyone marching behind me. I did want to get these feelings off of my chest. In the end there are many aspects of online dating that I enjoy and am thankful that it is a resource for meeting people which is available to me. Ultimately I know you can’t always have things just the way you want them when it comes to dealing with the uncertainty and unpredictability of dating. On this one subject, however, I do wish things were different even if I’m being way too idealistic in my outlook.

I know the feeling believe me.  Getting over an ex, especially a long term relationship is tough.  And I have been there.

While there is no easy solution to getting over this, one thing is for sure: Online dating is a savior for modern times that makes the process a thousand times easier than it once was.

Think about all the benefits that online dating provides.

For starters, the best way to move on is to meet someone new.  With online dating we can begin the process as soon as we are emotionally ready.

Which brings us to my second point.  In the past it was so much tougher getting out of a relationship because you never knew the next time you were going to meet someone again.  There was just no way of knowing when the next opportunity would arrive.

With online dating opportunity is there whenever we turn on the computer.

But perhaps most importantly, online dating will keep us busy and our minds off self-sorrow.

For all these reasons, use online dating when going through this pain.  The benefits are outstanding.

Facing rejection through online dating has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.  Especially that dreaded Instant Messaging rejection as you sit there and see the words, “Susie874 has declined to answer your Instant Message at this time.”

Believe me, I know the feeling.  As a former struggling online dater I saw that familiar sentence on JDate more times than I would have ever liked to.  Being rejected feels bad enough, but being rejected without ever even having a chance to make your pitch is an even worse feeling.  At least when we get rejected in real life we have a chance to say something or be heard out!

While these feelings can be crippling to your self esteem, the truth is, its not your fault.  Don’t take it personally.  These women are not necessarily rejecting you for reasons that have to do with your looks or personality.  It is more that they get bombarded by more messages than they could ever answer.

I often say, “hall of famers bat 300″ online.  There is so much competition that even the best will often be “rejected” seven out of 10 times.  The important thing is to follow online dating tips that will provide you with the best possible chance to bat .300.   So work on every aspect of your online game that you could think of, and when you are in tip top shape, if that dreaded “decline” comes, have no worries because its probably nothing personal; here are plenty of women around the corner.

Scenario:  You are out and about and decide it’s that time of night to hit on a female.  You approach her feeling good and ready to kick some game.  The opener goes well, you’re having a great conversation and then, out of nowhere, the woman says she has to go.  You are left confused wondering where things went wrong.

This can be an extremely frustrating aspect of picking up women online.  With the hundreds of things that may have occurred during the course of one conversation, it is nearly impossible to pinpoint specifically where things went wrong.

Enter online dating.

 One of the most beautiful aspects of online dating is that you have the ability to go back and save a conversation.  Every single step of your pick up is right in front of you, all typed out.

 This is an amazing gift, allowing you to study every aspect of your pick up and figure out where exactly things went wrong.  It enables you to improve upon your mistakes, fix the kinks in your game, and be more prepared than ever for your next online pick up.

Copy and pasting is your best friend.  Save your conversations and use them to your advantage.

Being in a healthy relationship makes everything in life not only easier, but also better. Last May I began a relationship with a woman that I met on JDate, and during most of the time we were together I felt imperious and on top of the world. If I had a problem we talked about it. After a long day we went out and my stresses melted away. I always had someone to go out with on the weekends, and man did we have fun together! She just had a way of bringing out the more social, fun side of my personality that often needs to be coaxed out of hibernation.

Unfortunately, after about three months of intense dating, an insurmountable issue came between us, and we decided the best thing to do was break up before things got more serious. After our split I knew that it was important that I take a little time before getting back onto the dating scene, and decided to wait until I was completely ready to put myself back out there before dating again. However, since that time, even though I have been consistently dating, I’ve gone out on over a dozen first dates with only one yielding a second.

After most of the dates I wasn’t interested in going out again, but there have been a few when I’ve asked for a second date only to be gently turned down. While I can’t say that this reject felt very good it wasn’t anything that was going to deter me from going out and trying to meet women. Although recently I went out on a first date with a woman I met on JDate and, in spite of our having a good time, she turned down my request for a second date. Her response was that she had a great time but that she “just didn’t quite feel it,” and therefore didn’t want to go out again.

Through no fault of hers I was honestly very frustrated when she didn’t want to go out again because I felt really good about her and how our first date went. After her rejection, for the first time since last August, I strongly considered taking a break from, not only online dating, but also trying to meet women in general. Ultimately, after talking with a good friend of mine, I decided to give it a little more time, but deep down I know that I really need something positive on the dating front to happen soon or else I’m gong to need to take some time off.

Instant messaging is one of the most advanced forms of online dating.  It requires quick thinking and the ability to sustain high levels of interest amongst great competition.

Most men mistakenly believe that the line you open with is the most important aspect of an instant messaging conversation.  The truth of the matter is, it is actually what comes after the instant message opener that really matters most.

The basic reason for this is that if a woman decides to open your instant message, odds are she will write back at least a courtesy response or hello.  It is after this initial response that it is time to play ball.

The follow-up needs to be something that will ignite immediate interest, build attraction levels and win over your potential date.  Instant messaging is a fast and furious game where women will lose interest if the pick up is not done correctly.

The only way this is done is by learning effective transition techniques and story builders that allow these things to happen naturally during the course of an online pick-up.   Not only should learning how to transition be treated with utmost importance, but a successful online dater learns how to amp up the excitement more and more as each moment passes by.

Think of online pick-ups as an emotional snowball.  We want the emotional highs to get bigger and bigger as we roll that snowball down hill.

This should be done throughout three of the four stages of instant message game, until we finally begin to build higher comfort levels.

I’m out of room for today.  More next time!