You have to be ready to find love at any time in any place. That means having your make-up done, hair brushed and clothes fitting at all times. It could be a contact coming in for a business meeting in your office — so make sure you’re always put together in a well-fitting suit. It could a new guy in your workout class — so make sure your workout clothes are, um, supportive. It could be a new neighbor in the elevator — so wear cute sweats at all times. Just because you’re meeting your boys at the local dive to watch football doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change out of the shirt you wore to bed. Meeting your girls for Happy Hour after work? Remember to pack some items in the morning so you can freshen up first. You have to make the effort. Every time you leave the house is an opportunity. Make sure you capitalize on each one!
My friend Lauren told me she recently froze her JDate account. She said she could be going on a date every night of the week with a different guy but none of them ever pan out and she’s exhausted from having the same first date conversation over and over and over again. She’s sick of giving opportunities to guys she knows aren’t right for her and never hearing from guys she thinks she hit it off with. Why is she having such a tough time getting closer to meeting her Beshert?
Lauren is active in the Jewish community – in fact she works for a Jewish organization so she has the scoop on every guy available – and she attends single events regularly. She’s doing everything right. I checked her JDate profile and her pictures are great, her descriptions are witty and her expectations are reasonable. She is always dressed well, make-up and hair done, smile on her face. She’s got a great personality: incredibly smart and funny, with the right amount of self-deprecation and sarcasm. She has a lot of great hobbies, is well-read and is able to speak on a number of topics to make for an interesting conversation partner. So why is she having such a tough time getting closer to meeting her Beshert?
Lauren doesn’t have any unsightly physical imperfections, she doesn’t have an ungainly demeanor, and she doesn’t have a hidden temper. Lauren comes from a wonderful, cohesive family and she has plenty of friends who adore her. She volunteers and raises money for great causes. She’s an all-around great girl and I’m proud to call her one of my friends. So again, why is she having such a tough time getting closer to meeting her Beshert?
Lauren is far from alone, many single guys and gals also wonder why they’re still single when they have so much to offer. Sometimes they’re just blind to how they’re truly coming across on dates, but for the most part it’s simply timing. I told Lauren to take her break and then to jump right back into the dating world because her chances of meeting her Beshert are even slimmer by not being on JDate. I told her to keep going on JDates no matter how redundant they seem. Eventually it will happen for her. One date, one night, will seal her fate. It only takes one time for a date with seemingly repetitive questions and textbook answers to turn into your conversation partner for the rest of your life.
I know it’s easy for me to say this since I’m married now and not single anymore, but I tried to reassure Lauren by telling her that each day that goes by is one day closer to the day she meets her Beshert. It’s so cliché, but in dating patience and persistence are the keys to success. Blah, blah, blah, right? But what is Lauren going to do, give up and stay single the rest of her life when all she really wants to do is get married to her Beshert and start a family? No, she’s not. Some women are confident with being alone and independent for the rest of their lives, but Lauren doesn’t want to be one of those women.
For now, Lauren is dating in a healthy way by taking a break and keeping her sanity. I know she isn’t going to give up on love and I think she’ll be back online before she knows it. And soon enough I’ll be dancing the Hora at her wedding because I have a feeling she’s going to meet her Beshert in the near future.
I know the feeling believe me. Getting over an ex, especially a long term relationship is tough. And I have been there.
While there is no easy solution to getting over this, one thing is for sure: Online dating is a savior for modern times that makes the process a thousand times easier than it once was.
Think about all the benefits that online dating provides.
For starters, the best way to move on is to meet someone new. With online dating we can begin the process as soon as we are emotionally ready.
Which brings us to my second point. In the past it was so much tougher getting out of a relationship because you never knew the next time you were going to meet someone again. There was just no way of knowing when the next opportunity would arrive.
With online dating opportunity is there whenever we turn on the computer.
But perhaps most importantly, online dating will keep us busy and our minds off self-sorrow.
For all these reasons, use online dating when going through this pain. The benefits are outstanding.