What happens when your friends don’t like the person you’re dating? Some people believe that a good friend should support you and your decisions whether they agree with them or not. Others believe that if you’re a good friend, then you should speak up and let your opinion be known because it is coming from a trusted source who has your best intentions at heart. Which is correct? Neither.
The best approach is somewhere in between. Let your friend know you are protective of them because you love them and are going to be extra wary of anyone new in their life, and if they ever need someone to turn to who won’t be judgmental… then you will be there. And if they do turn to you with complaints about their significant other, then don’t say “I told you so” or “I tried to warn you,” or anything of the sort. Sometimes being a good friend is saying nothing and just being there.
under Date Night
What do you do when you’ve been on a great date and all your friends are hating? Look for an underlying reason:
- Is your friend single, and could your friend perhaps be jealous?
- Maybe your friend went out with the same date once and it didn’t go well?
- Perhaps your friend is just trying to look out for you?
Recently my friend went on a first date with a bachelor who is, shall we say, popular on the dating scene. She was warned by no less than three people that he was a player. Aware of her date’s history, I went about doling out advice in a different way. I do know the guy, but I would have given her this same advice regardless of whether I knew him: every one is a player until they meet “The One.” Therefore she should be cautious, but not judge him just because he’s dated around.
You need to make the call for yourself after getting to know your date. Don’t allow others to factor into your opinion, but do make sure to keep the information tucked away so that you can’t say you weren’t warned. And if you’re on the other side of the equation, as the friend, then give your words of caution, but don’t hate. It will only make you look bad, regardless of the outcome.
I witnessed an odd, yet beautiful, sight today. While sitting in traffic, I watched as the woman in the car in front of me and the man in the car next to her started making eye contact while keeping pace with each other’s cars. Then he motioned for her to roll down her window and they began introducing themselves and exchanging pleasantries. Suddenly he motioned again while yelling something indecipherable to me and they both signaled to change lanes towards the right and exited.
It made me think about what they could each glean from the other meeting on a freeway. You can see the type of car the other is driving, although you have no idea if it’s paid or if they have a car payment or if the car is leased. You can see if they take care of their car if it is clean on the outside and inside, and that will reflect if they take care of themselves and their homes. Yes, these two people could see each other’s attractive faces but their first impression was also shaped by the vessel they were traveling in.
Be prepared to meet anyone anywhere. But try not to judge a book by its cover. A car is just a material thing, it doesn’t make the man (or woman).
On the first few dates we are on our best behavior, but that doesn’t stop us from passing judgment on others when they share something we disagree with. So when a date mentions that he or she took 6+ years to graduate from college, or informs you that they are in their 30’s and have 3 roommates in a 2 bedroom apartment, or when he or she orders pork-wrapped shellfish, what do you do? Well, most people would grimace. Their eyelids would widen, their eyes would flit left and right, and their jaw would probably drop. Most people wouldn’t know how to respond. And if they did, their voice would most likely be dripping with contempt.
Brace yourself for the chance that you will more than likely hear or see something that stuns you. Try to keep your facial expressions to a minimum, control the tone of your voice and be non-judgmental in your response even if you are bursting at the seams on the inside. You don’t need to have another date with this person, but you also don’t need to make them feel bad about themselves.
While you’re prepping yourself mentally for dates, take it to the next level and try to actually stop passing judgment and not just pretend. The fact of the matter is that no one is perfect. While you may be disgusted by someone’s lifestyle choices, they may be just as turned off by yours. You’re both single and while you may not be right for each other, that doesn’t mean you’re any better than the other person.