Dear Gems from Jen,

I am a smart, funny, witty, attractive and uniquely interesting woman.  Those are the written words contained in the emails from men responding to my profile.

I am not boastful, but I need for you to get the picture so you can advise accordingly…I also share this so you can appreciate my depth of insight and objective clarity in relaying to you the facts of my perplexing experiences.
When writing to a prospective profile, I like to inject warmth, wit and a reference to something personal the gentleman has shared in his profile.

This usually yields an invitation to call him.

I do so within a day or two.

I receive a phone call—sometimes a week will pass— and the voice mail message inevitably contains an apology about his business.

I will call and/or write back and suggest a couple of dates and times to meet.

He says he will call towards the end of the week to firm up and is looking forward to meeting.

Then there is no call or another apology and an invitation for me to call him again.

This has happened at least 4 times and the chase is now leftup to me.

Because this has happened a few too many times, I now have short, but sweet email and only one phone call exchange.  Yet this mysterious male affliction persists.

I realize I am the common denominator, so I have brutally scrutinized my emails and conversations.

I am an entreprenuer and cold phone calls with interesting and witty banter are my fortay. This is how I earn my money.  I have asked for honest feedback and the concensus is a friendly, witty, intelligent, interesting and inviting demeanor is both projected and received.

The irony is these very same men complain that the women they speak to or email  will not commit to a face to face meeting!.

So this is my question—— why would a man buy a membership, upload a picture, write a profile, exert energy in email and phone call exchanges, truly sound sincere, excited and interested, only to fizzle away?

I check to see if they are still a member and sure enough they were last on the site an hour ago or a day ago.

I even asked this one guy who expressed his enjoyment with our our phone chemisty, why he would not right then and there, commit to a firm date to finally meet.

“Well, I have my daughter’s birthday party and next week is Passover so call me or I will call you.”
To which I retorted, “Are you sincere about meeting, please tell me the truth, I won’t be offended.”
He said, “Absolutely! Do you know how impossible it is to find a funny, intelligent, quick witted and pretty woman?..My apologies.  It’s just that I have been exceptionally busy, but I really do want to meet.”
It’s been 3 weeks.

I am not intimidated to initiate the original contact nor make a phone call.  Do they expect me to chase them?
I thought it was the male who was turned on by the chase. I don’t get it. Do you?

Thanks for taking the time to read my sad and perplexing saga ;0)

Warmly,

Perdy Phunny.

Dear Perdy Phunny,

Does a woman chase a man? I think that is up to each individual to decide.  Do men like the chase? Absolutely, it makes them feel like a man. Do men with a low self image like to chase?  Perhaps not so much.  So where does this leave Ms. Phunny?  Scrutinizing every word she speaks or writes.

Did you ever stop to think that scrutinizing everything you say or do might be adding to your particular perplexing situation?  Asking men about their sincerity might make some men think twice about your ability to trust your own self-image. Men are attracted to women who are confident, but not cocky. A question of this nature posed to a potential date could have an adverse reaction to the way one might perceive you.

My suggestion: slow down! You are over thinking all of this. Be yourself.  Witty banter can only take you so far.  If you perceive yourself as witty then you probably feel the need to outdo yourself each time you speak or write. You are missing the moment if you are always considering your “next line.” Be comfortable with who you are and the witty banter will no longer be needed in your dating life. I agree, wit does come across as sounding intelligent, but it masks the authentic person behind the wit.

If a man is unwilling to commit to a meeting, then by all means move on to the next profile. Why waste your time? There are many men on JDate looking to meet live and in person.  Let the genuine you emerge and you will find men who are willing to commit to a first date.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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You want to know why they have four glasses of wine at the Seder? I’ll tell you. Because after cooking that ridiculous meal all day, four glasses is the only thing that can bring a girl back to sanity. So, let me take you on a guided journey through my day– how lucky for you!

10:00 a.m.- Go to Trader Joes.
10:10 a.m. – Nearly face a head on cart collision in the produce section checking out a guy.
10:11 a.m. – Decide hot guys should not be allowed to shop for groceries before I’ve had my morning caffeine fix. Blame hot guy for my lack of coordination.
11:00 a.m. – Get to my grandmother’s to assume the role as the domestic goddess (that) I am.
11:11 a.m.- Finally find a vintage apron that matches my outfit and decide I’m officially ready to start cooking. I am the best thing since chopped liver. The Millionaire Matchmaker would totally agree.
11:42 a.m. – Decide chopping eggs makes me want a martini– heavy on the vodka, hold everything else.
11:59 a.m. – It has become evident that I will not be eating chopped egg, or other egg like products again in my life. Ever.
12:17 p.m. – Clearly I have earned a lunch break. Clearly. By this point my lunch could come in a grey goose bottle and I would be happy. I also enjoy my last carb concentrated meal.
12:20 p.m.- Bid a tearful goodbye to bread, and all bread-like products. I whisper rest in peace and forget these simple carbohydrates and the special place they hold in my heart. I also console myself by thinking of the fab five pounds I will be losing in the week to come.
12:52 p.m. – Start peeling potatoes.
12:56 p.m.- Manage to slice off almost an entire nail with my potato peeler.
12:57 p.m. – Start dialing 9-1-1 and then realize I might actually live. I am emotionally damaged and will probably suffer from PTSD for years to come, but I will live.
1:20 p.m. – Put a lame looking kosher-for-passover-which-means-it-tastes-nasty kugel in the oven.
1:28 p.m.- Reminded by my grandmother, armed with several four letter words, that wax paper is not oven proof.
1:29 p.m. – Take kugel out and rescue it from the grips of aforementioned evil wax paper.
1:30 p.m.- Realize oven mitts are, in fact, there for a reason.
1:31 p.m.- Stare down the oven. I won.
1:52 p.m.- Stir some concoction on the stove top; put cover back on pot.
2:08 p.m.- Pot bubbles over. Get in a fight with the stove.
2:09 p.m. – Lose fight with stove.
2:20 p.m.- Ask my grandmother if it is time for the first glass of wine yet. She says no.
2:52 p.m.- Decide G-d had it easy because all he had to do was split the Red Sea.
3:14 p.m. – Am no longer allowed near stove or oven.
3:42 p.m.- Attempt to make sure the brisket is awesome and is oh so worthy of Paris Hilton’s “that’s hot.”
3:44 p.m. – Am no longer allowed near sharp objects or any and all kitchen appliances.
4:00 p.m.- Wandering the desert for forty years with no kitchen in sight has never sounded so good.
4:15 p.m. – Completely exhiled from the kitchen. My apron has been retracted. I take comfort in the fact that my frilly apron does not match anyone else’s ensemble. I am now laughing at all the fashion slaves who only have time to make unleavened bread, and not coordinate outfits.
4:30 p.m.- Steal Elijah’s glass of wine. He didn’t have to spend all day in the kitchen.
5:00 p.m.- Eagerly await Seder and more importantly, dinner. Because clearly, I helped.

Chag Pesach Sameach! If Elijah is looking for his wine, tell him giving it to someone who REALLY needs it is a mitzvah.

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Over a year ago, fresh out of a long distance relationship with no holiday plans, I decided to give the JDate Puerto Rico trip a shot. Since I had never been to Puerto Rico and I love salsa and Latin influences, I figured how bad could lying on the beach in 80 degree weather with some MOTs be? Let’s just say I had low expectations.

Impetuously, I boarded the plane for Puerto Rico. On the first night, there was a big meet and greet dinner where a sweet, attractive, successful guy named David approached me. After several minutes of flirtatious banter, I was grinning…until he mentioned he was from California. Having just ended a bicoastal relationship, “LA David” was the last thing I was looking for – I wrote him off as “GU”– Geographically Undesirable.

The following day, as I met many new friends, I engaged in a variety of conversations, including a debate about the merits of the best baseball teams (White Sox, of course). My newest girlfriend was bewildered by my devotion to the White Sox, especially because her friend David (my flirting partner from the previous night) had expressed the same devotion and connection to the team. Based on some key elements of our conversation, she suggested David and I further get to know each other. Her reasoning?  “You are RELATED.” “Huh? I think I know who my family is.”  Well, apparently, I was wrong. It turns out, David was a third cousin I didn’t even know existed!

Fortunately, the upside was at that particular moment in time, I wasn’t open to long distance and didn’t even consider the possibility of David (in that light). The other upside? I met someone who has not only become a great friend, but someone special in my life that is part of my family tree.

Having 80 degree weather lying on the beaches with some salsa action Would Have Been Enough… But I was blessed and ended up meeting an amazing friend and cousin who I plan on having in my life for years to come.

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