Discussing Your Dating Past

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

On a first or second date one will typically be asked when was the last time you were in a relationship. There are really only a few answers to give and ways to give said answers.

–if you got your heartbroken recently, then simply say “I had a not so fun break-up a few months ago but I learned so much from it and am ready to have fun again.”

–if you just got out of a long relationship, then reply “I was with someone for awhile but in the end we realized we wanted different things.”

–if you haven’t been in a relationship in more than a year, then say “it’s been a while and I’ve been meeting lots of nice people but no one that I’ve wanted to take it to the next level with.”

Leave it at one line, using some kind of variation of the above depending upon your circumstance. If and when this date becomes a relationship then you can exchange stories and delve deeper, but for the first few dates it’s not worth it. A longer explanation will only put a damper on the date. If you have to ask the question then at least preempt it with “I don’t want to know the details right now, but I was wondering when the last relationship you were in was?” and if you’re asked the question first then you will need to ask it in return whether you want to or not because it’s the polite thing to do. Then move on to another topic.


Q&A — My Past Relationships

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

How do you answer JDate’s questions without sounding repetitive or cheesy or fake or boring? Let me help you craft personal and inticing answers to both the basic and intimate questions.

“My Past Relationships”

There’s no need to discuss why you were just dumped or why you broke up with your last significant other. Don’t get into the details here of what went wrong, rather talk about what you learned from the demise. This section’s answer shouldn’t be too lengthy, if you find that you’re writing a novel then take that to a journal and leave just the life lessons in your response.

Some examples to use:

I learned what kind of boy/girlfriend I want to be and what kind of girl/boyfriend I need and want

I learned not to sweat the small stuff

I learned that I need affection and that I need someone who enjoys affection in return

I learned how to communicate more effectively

I learned that it’s boring to always agree, but that we need to disagree in a healthy way

I learned not to let things fester but to calmly address issues as they arise

I learned that mutual respect is just as important as mutual attraction


Sexperience

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Now that we’ve accomplished that (almost) everyone on JDate has already had sex, let’s talk about sex baby. You can probably make assumptions about the amount of sexual experience someone has had, but you know what they say what happens when you assume – you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” Just because someone has all the right moves and knows what you like doesn’t mean that he or she was promiscuous before meeting you. Just because someone is an awful kisser and an awkward lover doesn’t mean that he or she was a prude before meeting you either. Don’t worry about what your partner did or didn’t do B.Y. (before you), concentrate on your chemistry together and on the experiences you will create together. If you spend your time pondering too much about where your date has been B.Y., it means you’re not spending enough time wondering about where the date could lead.

B.Y. is none of your business. It does not matter. Accept your date for who they are and move on. If you can’t, then that person isn’t right for you. You need to find that someone who you can accept without doubt because you want to be with them more than you want to know about their past.


The Past Has Passed

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

JDate asks you a question: what have you learned from your past relationships, or, simply “My Past Relationships”? It’s a tricky question but you’ve got to answer it. For the most part, the Jewish community is small, so even though you may not personally know a JDater, you may know who they’re talking about in that paragraph.

Stating that you now know that you don’t want someone who is ‘a spoiled, trust fund brat’ or a ‘pompous, egomaniac, even if he is a doctor’ will actually make you look bad, not better. You’re talking badly about an ex rather than showing what you learned about yourself. Not only does it make you look immature, but it’s gossip and it’s ugly. Use this opportunity to talk about how you have grown and the person you want to be instead.