“Getting To Know You” is not just a catchy Rodgers and Hammerstein song from “The King and I,” it’s also what people do on first dates. But I’m here to tell you NOT to do that. I mean, of course, get to know your date, but don’t try to get to know ALL about them on the first date. Leave something for date two, and three, and date sixteen. And once you’ve been on a great date, don’t try to research every possible detail you can. When a date is going well it’s exciting to both want to continue talking all night until the sun comes up, but try to refrain. This is what happens: you go on a date, drink a little, hit if off, drink some more, keep talking and flirting, drink a little more, start yawning but keep talking, start sharing things you may not have shared on a first date had you not been drinking, yawning and letting down your guard, finally go home and sleep a few hours before waking up to realize that you shared things that now make you feel totally vulnerable and you can’t take it back. So when your date (hopefully) calls you’re not sure whether to feel embarrassed or not or if the intent behind the call is still one looking for a relationship with you or not. Confusing right? Well, these are the things that go through our minds after we’ve shared too much too soon. So reel it in and keep the mystery alive.
Whenever I check my Facebook News Feed I usually see at least one “Facebook Friend” who has divulged way too much information, typed way inappropriate items and put themselves in an awkward situation. There are the women who announce their pregnancies when they’re only 4 weeks along and the men who badmouth their bosses thinking it will never get back to them. But it’s the singles who overly detail their dates I find the most appalling. I’ve read about more than enough first dates where the person reveals what they did, how they feel and where they think the relationship is going — to their entire world! I’ve seen some people disclose their terrible dates, even going so far as to regale their network with embarrassing accounts of their rejection after sex. I’ve read people telling their world they are ugly, feel ugly, were told they are ugly. I’ve read people tell the world how insecure they are, how they will never be loved and how long it’s been since they’ve had sex. It makes me wish Facebook was never invented sometimes because people forget to filter themselves. Less is more. I don’t need to know where you’re eating, who you’re sleeping with or why you’re still awake in the middle of the night. Keep some things to yourself. The last thing you want is to add your new prospect and have them cyberstalk you and read things that turn them off before they’ve gotten to know you.
Every single time I would meet someone I would tell everyone about it. I would talk about how happy I was, how amazing the new guy was, what we were doing, when and where we were going on dates, how much we had in common, the future I imagined us sharing and so on and so forth. The simple fact is that I was excited and hoped time and again that this was the one. Of course, until recently, it never was. And each time there was a break-up I was left having to answer questions and inquiries about the relationship from people who only had good intentions but didn’t know any better.
Another perk to keeping a new love interest to yourself is to keep out the naysayers. Friends of yours who are single and saw the same person on JDate or at a singles event may be jealous. These so-called friends may show support to your face, but they may not be sending as positive of vibes behind your back. When you’re single and putting yourself out there, you don’t need anything to get in your way, and that includes any negativity put out into the universe with your name on it. Until it gets serious, keep it to yourself. It will be more special and more authentic that way.
Guys seem to understand this better than women. Most women like to immediately introduce their newest flame to all their friends, whether to show him off or to see how he meshes with your friends or for a plethora of other reasons. Guys, on the other hand, wait as long as humanly possible before introducing a new girl to their friends. Whether they’re worried about the girl seeing them in their element or not wanting to risk their friends outing them as a player or for whatever the reason, guys tend to wait and it would behoove more women to do the same. Keep it to yourself for as long as possible and you will reap the rewards. And if it doesn’t pan out, there will be fewer people to (unintentionally, of course) rub it in your face and remind you of yet another failed relationship on the road to finding your Beshert.
A guy I’ve been speaking to for the past week or so refuses to give me his last name because he was scammed by a date recently. He insists we meet at a very elegant restaurant close by and although his reasons for not giving his last name sounds normal, I’m not all that comfortable. He sounds amazing and we really do click well. What do I do?
Dear Last Name Mystery,
I say go ahead and meet the guy. You’re going to a public location near your house so you’ll have an easy getaway. You can always have a friend sit at the bar incognito just in case. Keep your guard up because the lack of last name is slightly shady (although as a victim of identity theft myself I can empathize). I think it’s smart to protect yourself and not reveal too much too soon because you don’t know who’s behind the laptop. Meet the guy and if you click in person then you can exchange more personal information.