under Date Night
Going on JDates can be fun and entertaining (or dull and torturous, but this column is dedicated to the former!), so how do you turn a JDate into something more?
After the first date, a man who is interested should call the woman within two days, if not the next day. You can even send a text later that night or the next morning saying how good of a time you had – but don’t get in the habit of texting at this stage! (My anti-texting rampage is yet to come.)
When you call after the first date, make immediate plans for a second date, preferably within the next week. You don’t want to lose momentum. You’re getting to know each other, enjoying each other’s company and building on the chemistry. If you know you have a business trip, try to squeeze another date in before you leave or make plans in advance for when you return. Whomever is out of town should try to call once or twice while away but otherwise, you shouldn’t be spending too much time on the phone at this point, just let the other person know you are definitely interested and not blowing him or her off.
When you plan the second, third and fourth dates they should continue to be casual, comfortable and full of quality-time. That means no friends, not too much alcohol and no weddings of your third-cousin-twice-removed. Get to know each other sober and alone before introducing each other to your crazy fraternity brother or even crazier Great Aunt. Daytime dates are also a good option. Go for a walk in a park with a picnic basket to eat while you watch the sunset. Go to the zoo, the fair or an amusement park, or even miniature golfing or go-cart racing. Find a fun activity that will allow your inner child to come out, where you can laugh, and engage in some physical contact that’s not overtly sexual.
I was supposed to have a first date with a man last week. Subsequently he canceled because he had to go out of town. We rescheduled for two weeks. He calls me daily and we have wonderful conversations. We both already feel like we know each other. Is talking too much before meeting a recipe for disaster? I know he is attractive and I love talking to him. I believe he feels the same. I’m concerned that when we meet it might go too fast.
Dear Great Expectations,
I don’t recommend talking TOO much before meeting. I was disappointed WAAAAYYYY too many times because my date and I both had built up expectations of each other that neither one of us could realistically meet. No matter the chemistry on the phone, you may not have chemistry in person and it will be incredibly awkward on your date. I suggest tapering off the phone calls until you meet so that you don’t get your hopes up. You can either tell him your concern or just be “busy.” I advise one short phone call to hear the person’s voice and to make plans, which would ideally be within the week.
If everything does fall into place, it’s up to you to set the pace. If it’s true that you think you know each other better than you do, and a 1st date after many phone calls actually feels like a 3rd date , you can get caught up in the momentum. Just take a step back and, instead of taking it too far, make a date for a few days later. Good Luck!
Dear Gems from Jen,
I met a guy online and we have been corresponding through Instant Messenger, Email, phone calls and texting for about the past month. We still have yet to meet each other in person, which seems a little odd to me. We do have different work schedules, so it is hard to figure out when we can get together, but I of course suggested that we meet for coffee sometime and that way we can at least meet for a little bit. However, he says that he really wants us to meet for a half day, so that we can spend a lot of time together. I don’t quite get it. I would think that if he really wanted to meet me, a little time is better than none. I’m not sure if I should bother communicating with this guy any longer. What do you think?
Dear First Date,
I agree with you, it does seem a little odd. It sounds as if the two of you have both agreed to meet and for some reason unknown to us, he is not willing to even meet for a quick cup of coffee. I’m not so sure there is anything else you can do at this point. He either wants to meet or he doesn’t. Do yourself a favor and keep your profile active on JDate. Continue to look at profiles and correspond with those that spark your interest. Don’t wait around for a guy that is unwilling to commit to a first meeting.
Gems from Jen