What You Do on a First Date is as Important as Who It’s With

by Haley Plotnik under Date Night,Single Life

Recently, I went on a very formal first date. I was flabbergasted when he showed up with a giant bouquet of flowers. I’m rarely speechless, but I think the flowers overwhelmed me from the start. While I appreciated them, I had no idea how to interpret the gesture, and was a bit freaked out. They’re still brightening up my apartment though, and now I can breathe easier knowing that they aren’t a declaration of love by someone who I’ve known for less than two months.

We went to a symphony and dinner, ate dessert, and sipped wine. I felt a bit out of my element; I’m more accustomed to starting out with a low-key first date. Being wined and dined isn’t something I expect on a first date. I just like to talk, laugh, and get to know each other in a casual setting. I decided, after a lot of confusion and conflicted feelings, to give this guy a second shot to wow me… in a way I am used to and comfortable with. So we went to a casual dinner, walked around a park, and had ice cream.

After the formal date:

  1. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back out with him and felt bad about myself
  2. I was exhausted trying to interpret what had happened on our date
  3. I didn’t think he was able to read my signals and vice versa

After a candid discussion and a good dose of humor, he asked if he could try again in my style. No red carpets, no flowers.

 After the casual date:

  1. I felt at ease and able to talk more freely
  2. I thought we had much more in common and walked away feeling good about myself
  3. I had no problem sending or receiving his signals

When planning a date, make sure to think about who you’re dealing with. Not everyone likes the same kind of first date. Starting out with daytime coffee is a great go-to if you’ve never met. If it goes well, you can extend the date. If not, you only waste 45 minutes to two hours of your life. It’s not super creative, but it’s tried and true. If you have met before, try to match the date to their preferences. Some people might love skydiving as a first date, while others might have a panic attack. I am in the latter camp. I would avoid trying to sweep someone off their feet on a first date. There’s plenty of time for that later on in the relationship, and you may end up accidentally sweeping them out of your life.


Find the Time to Make the Time

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

Everyone has five minutes of their day they can put aside to get in contact with a person they are interested in. No one is too busy or too important to say, “I didn’t have the time” to call and make plans, or confirm plans, or even to reschedule plans. Here are two important rules to remember when making plans for a date:

  • Calling the day before you want to make plans is two days too late.
  • Calling a few hours before said date to confirm or reschedule is a day too late.

Not finding the time is disrespectful and sends the message that you’re not entirely interested in that person. Do your date a favor and either call sooner if you are interested, or simply don’t waste anyone’s time and cancel. But find the time to do so.

 

I’ve talked about canceling at the last minute before, but how do you tell the difference between a legitimate excuse and a bogus one? Click here to find out!


Love at First JDate: Take Them Out Instead

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

I lost a bet. I was on a second date with a guy at Dave and Busters and he said whoever wins this game we’re playing has to plan our next date. Sure enough, I did everything I could to win. I put my game face on, rolled up my sleeves, and was determined to come out a winner. But I lost.

I must admit. It’s always very nice when a guy (on the first few dates) has where we are going and what we are doing all planned out. It makes me feel less stressed and more comfortable with him. But there’s nothing wrong with the girl taking the lead on a date and planning out the evening.

  • Do: Remember things about him and incorporate something he likes into the date. Whether it is his favorite activity, food, or place in the area that he has been wanting to visit. This is a great opportunity to remind him that you listen. That you care.
  • Don’t: Wait till the last minute. You’ll be overwhelmed with the question of what-to-do and end up upset with yourself.