under Online Dating
There is not one person on this Earth who will agree with you about everything and think that the sun, moon and stars should revolve around you. If someone tells you constantly that you’re the best thing since sliced bread and tells you you’re perfect and have no faults, then try to listen to your subconscious telling you something isn’t kosher. It sounds like you’re probably getting played. It’s that amazing prospect who never called you again. Don’t take it personally, it happens, just look out for the signs I just mentioned.
You also have to look out for the scam artists. The people who are looking for singles – desperate and vulnerable. It may sound obvious, but never, ever send money to someone you’ve only met online. If someone claims to be from out of the country and says he or she is moving here and then suddenly needs some extra cash to visit you, don’t believe it’s your Beshert who happens to live thousands of miles and only $1300 away. It’s not. Your bank account will thank you later.
Don’t give up too much personal information either as you can set yourself up for identity theft. If you’ve only met online, then you really don’t know who the other person is on the other side – it could be anybody, remember that – which is why I have always recommended meeting right away. If someone doesn’t want to meet, there’s a reason. Heed my warning and move on. Don’t give him or her a second thought because I can guarantee they are not who they say they are in some shape, way or form.
Trust your instincts online and have realistic expectations. People are going to stretch the truth and build themselves up a little bigger (or skinnier) and better, that’s expected, but if someone seems a little too perfect don’t hesitate to guard your heart and wallet.
The “Halo Effect” is a term coined by scientists to explain that when something looks good on the surface we tend to broaden the scope of that positive judgment to include other characteristics. The Halo Effect is incredibly prevalent in dating. It works like this: We see someone we’re attracted to and therefore believe them to be just as great on the inside as they are on the outside. Oftentimes, we subconsciously convince ourselves the other person must be an all-around great guy or gal simply because they have thick hair, shining eyes and a bright smile. Con-artists also tend to have those physical characteristics which is why they are successful at getting people to trust them. In the dating world, we call con-artists “players,” or people who know others are falling hard for them and don’t feel the same way yet still choose to play with their hearts and minds until they’re tired of the game and move on to the next victim. They know they can reel someone in and do so just for the fun of it. The Halo Effect in dating doesn’t always mean the guy or gal is a player; iit could be you’re then blindsided by their good looks and aren’t willing to admit to their faults.
Time and time again we pass judgment on people before getting to know them – whether good, bad or indifferent – and sometimes we get hurt in the time it takes to correct our initial opinion. Not all good looking people are jerks and not all average (or less than average) people are perfect citizens, we simply have to take the time to get to know someone and stop making snap judgments.
I have been talking to a guy I met on JDate and he only gave me his house number and not his cell number. Not only that but when the weekend comes I never hear from him. Do you find this to be weird?
Dear Sketchy with the Cell Phone,
In a word, YES. Nobody uses their house phones anymore; I don’t even have a house phone! So to choose to give out that number versus his cell phone is weird. And I bet when he calls you it comes from a blocked number, right? To top it off, you never hear from him on the weekend… it sounds like this guy is a player. He either has a girlfriend or he’s dating multiple women. Either way, I would recommend you run, not walk, away as fast as you can. There’s nothing positive that is going to come out of this guy.