Some men are charming. They can’t help it. They are born salesmen. They know how to word things, how to spin things, which facial expression to show, which tone to use, and how to get you to fall for them. Sometimes these men are selling something authentic but oftentimes it’s all crap. They think their shit don’t stink and they’re hedging their bets that you don’t find out until after you’re in too deep. There isn’t any answer to how to see through the smokescreen and not get caught in their web. But if you are doubting someone’s authenticity then keep asking questions, ensure continuity in the stories and dig for details (all without looking looney tunes). If someone is being real then he won’t mind divulging the deets, but if he’s b.s.’ing you then he will eventually stumble and become defensive about being doubted. Then he will spin the situation to make you look crazy and if he’s really good then you will actually believe him. And eventually you’ll see straight again and kick yourself for falling for the charmer… hopefully it happens before you fall too hard.
Tamar had an interesting post last week, called “Want to Attract a Rich Man?” Obviously, when every girl is growing up, they dream of having the lavish wedding, with Disney Princesses, and a pizza buffet (wait, maybe that’s just me), complete with a Prince Charming of a husband who might bear slight semblance to Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
So, say it’s a Tuesday night, and you’re out to dinner with a great guy. This guy wants to share has hopes and dreams with you, opens the door for you, wears freshly pressed clothes, and even remembered which Real Housewives city you enjoyed most. But then, as you end the date… he drops the bomb: “I’m unemployed.”
How do you deal with that?
In surveying a few of my friends, most do not want to date the unemployed. Around 75 percent say the stigma involved with being unemployed is just too much.
However, one of my friends differs. She says, “It depends. Why is he unemployed? Is he actively seeking employment? Does he have a business plan? Did he go to college?”
She continues though, “There’s always the potential that this person could move away. Do you want to uproot your life, especially in the event that this person becomes unemployed… again?”
Here’s a different take on it: Does it matter your age unemployment-wise? Is the stigma worse for a 40 or 50 year-old than it is for a 20-something? When is the appropriate time to talk about someone’s employment status?
The city I live in, Austin, Texas, is known as a startup-friendly city. Naturally, a wide variety of people with great ideas, but not necessarily funding, roam the city searching for a way to grow their business. Do they have success with dating? Some do. Is it capable of lasting long-term? That’s the question many entrepreneurs face, and the question many women ask themselves when going out with them. These guys aren’t unemployed, but they don’t have cash coming in… for now.
This begets the million dollar question… is dating an unemployed man… a bad thing?
Ever wonder how some folks like my cousin, who is 27, and his parents, now in their 50’s, both managed to meet their life partner while in high school and still remain together? Then there is a famous author I went to high school with who met his wife in the eighth grade – sickening, right? For those unique individuals it is a blessing. However, for the rest of us still single in our 30s and 40s, is there a strategy we should be following? Or, is everything really just up to fate?
Some would argue it is a numbers game. I’ve heard the expression, ’If you throw enough spaghetti against the wall, some of it is bound to stick.’ But for a hopeless romantic, not only is this an exhausting concept, but also a very unromantic one. Sounds perfect in the scope of sales and business development but for a life partner? Then of course there is the “meet cute” Hollywood romance of getting Prince/Princess Charming’s dry cleaning instead of your own. Ridiculously romantic but not very likely.
My theory is a combination. Above all else you have to be ready and open to finding a relationship. For me, any long-term relationship wasn’t even a possibility until my thirties because I was living abroad and in grad school. I think the experience of the numbers game (i.e. dating) helps clarify what you need in a life partner and gets you out meeting people. But as a friend recently put it, after a point, sometimes too many options equate into no options. And I couldn’t agree more.