The Narrative

by Aaron under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

As I interview for summer internships, there is one thing that consistently keeps me confident: the flow of my resume. While I was pretty unsure about my resume for a while (I only have two years of working experience), through a lot of practice, I have learned to make it read like a great drama that I had planned all along rather than a tragedy.

The idea that one of my senior classmates explained to me early on in my MBA classes was that every good resume reads like a crafted story with a purpose. This is relevant not just in your job, but also in your personal life, on dating sites and beyond. No one else has lived your life, so it is in your control what you tell and what you highlight.

I’m not saying everyone needs to be a Don Draper and make up who they are, but not everything is going to be a high in your life. What’s interesting about the mentality of creating a cohesive story is that you can easily turn negatives into positives. For example, I left a job in retail management last summer, never planning to return to retail. However, when I began the job hunt, I realized working in the corporate office of a retailer would be great with my experience, and I learned to pitch various parts of my job to any company I went to — retailer or not. My “on the floor” experience would be vital for any position within a retailer as it showed I understood the business. And as I applied to non-retailing companies, I highlighted the skills from my retail job to whatever the job posting was — everything can always fit, if you mold the story properly.

Luckily, dating is pretty free form — there’s no industries or specific jobs, just genders and traits you’re looking for in a partner. When I last re-did my JDate profile, I had just come back from an amazing experience volunteering in Israel and wanted to highlight my desire to give back and find someone else to explore the world with me. That is definitely not all there is to me, but I do like to travel and want someone with a kind heart, so that is the story my current profile tells, and my pictures back it up. So whatever you do, don’t worry too much about covering every base with your profile, should you choose to redo it, but tell a good story.

No matter how hard you try, the true you can never show up 100% in a small dating profile, but you can make the story sound nice enough. Whatever’s left, you can fill in with a message to those who fit what you’re looking for. But no matter what, don’t underestimate people’s desire for a good story, and make sure the narrative you make flows through your entire online persona and beyond.


Extreme Profile Makeover: “Joseph”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I have recently become single again after 3 ½ years off the market, and I set up a JDate account. I was wondering if you could take a look at my profile and tell me what you think.  If you could let me know if there are things I should change, things I should add, etc, I would be grateful.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Joseph,

I am quite impressed with your profile. You write well and don’t have any glaringly off-putting statements. You uploaded 11 photos, which show your face, body type and interests quite well — but I do believe posting 11 photos is overkill. Try to eliminate at least 3. I recommend people upload between 6-8 photos covering the five Fs:

  • Face
  • Full Body
  • Fun
  • Family & Friends
  • Final Photos

You’ve covered face, full body, and fun, but you don’t have any pictures of you with any of your loved ones. Try to add something there, even if it’s with your dog. Final photos are there to reinforce the consistency of your appearance, which you have covered well.

The only other thing I would add is a one-liner about your divorce. Simply say “I was married at a young age for a short time and learned a lot about what I want in a partner,” or something along those lines. You don’t need to go into detail on JDate, or on a first date, but you should address it briefly and get it out of the way as women will wonder.

Your age range of 24-34 for a 31-year-old is perfect. I recommend a 10-year range and a woman any younger than 24 will likely have a disconnect with you since you’re already a professional with life experience who is looking to settle down. If you aren’t finding enough women who fit your preferences, then try expanding your area by looking in nearby cities and possibly being open to dating a woman with a child or a woman who is shorter or taller than your saved preference.

Good luck!

 

Buy Tamar’s new book How To Woo A Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating on Amazon or in bookstores now!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 1)

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

I’m going to start with your profile review in Part 1 and then review your emails in Part 2.

I am actually quite impressed with your profile. The pictures are nice, your paragraphs are well-written and interesting, and you seem like a great catch! That means we need to see what your preferences are to determine if you are going after the wrong type of woman.

Although you’re a young-looking 41-year-old, your age range ends at 41 — and being that you’re in your early 40s, I believe you need to expand your max age to abut 43. Your minimum age range of 32 is correct in following my advice, but since you are young looking and active, I’d lower it a bit to 30. Adding two years to both sides of the age range spectrum will widen your pool of prospects. You can do the same to your height requirements and your geographic boundaries.

Additionally, I don’t see much about your family in your profile and I think it’s important to include some tidbits, whether it be in an additional photograph (with description) and/or a line in “About Me” and “A Brief History of My Life.” If this topic is a contentious one then try to find some positive memory from your childhood and include that.

Since there doesn’t seem to be too many issues with your profile, I’m going delve into the email samples you’ve supplied in part 2 of this series (which posts tomorrow) in order to see where any other issues may lie!