Extreme Profile Makeover — “Barbara D”

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Barbara D.”

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Dear Tamar,

I’m disappointed with the responses I’m getting — most of them are from across the country or from guys I find spooky. I would love a profile makeover.

-Barbara D

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Dear Barbara D,

I love your profile name! It’s cute, unique, and I expect it reflects your sparkling personality. I’m sure lots of people see your profile name and think “darn, why didn’t I think of that first!”

Alas, your photos — or rather, lack thereof — leave much to be desired. One photo simply doesn’t cut it. And by now I’m sure you know I hate photos posed against blank walls. You’re tall, blonde and relatively young for a widow, plus as one reads in your profile, you have a great personality, so show all that off in your photos! Find photos with your kids or with friends where your natural smile and happiness are shining through. You can crop out the other people in the photos or simply describe who they are in your photo blurb.

In general, I’m a fan of your “In My Own Words” paragraphs. There a few typos here and there that could be fixed, but nothing major stands out to me that should be edited. Your personality comes through nicely. It’s obvious that you are an active person and that your life is pretty full already, but would be more meaningful if you had someone to share it with you.

I suggest going through your “My Details” section and answering more questions so that there aren’t as many empty sections that say “not answered yet.” Overall though, I think you will be a hot commodity once you add more photos and hopefully that will help attract more men in South Florida. Good luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.”

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “David.”

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Hi David,

I appreciate the amount of photos you uploaded which really show consistency in your appearance. But (and there’s always a but), you need to reorder them. Consider deleting a few and add a lengthier description to the others. I would make photo #6 (the mud pic) your profile photo as it shows your face close-up — plus it’s unique, interesting and fun. In your current profile photo, you’re wearing sunglasses and not showing your natural smile, so it’s not the best representation of your face. I would delete photos #7 (too far away) and #11 (chef) as they don’t add much value. Even photos #1 and #5 are expendable as you’re wearing sunglasses. Additionally, 11 photos is a bit of an overkill. I would also describe who the cute little girl is in photo #9 since you say you don’t have any kids, but don’t identify her as a niece or god-daughter.

Your profile is overwhelming, I’m not sure how else to put it. Sometimes there’s too much information, sometimes your sarcasm is questionable, and sometimes there’s a bit of a cheesiness factor. The first paragraph in your “About Me” section is great. I would delete the second paragraph completely and leave the third paragraph as is. The music and books you mention are again mentioned in “My Favorite…” and in the “Likes and Interests” tab so there is no need to repeat yourself — especially when the information fits better in another area.

Your “My Life and Ambitions” answer is confusing as it doesn’t align with Areas of Study/Occupation/What I do questions you answered. This is a huge red flag with anyone’s profile. If what you put under Occupation is no longer what you currently do, then address it in this section. Similarly, “A Brief History of My Life” is incredibly confusing. I appreciate good sarcasm, but this was completely over my head. The first line is cute — if vague. The rest of the quotations should be deleted. I mean, I get it, I just don’t think it belongs there. “My Perfect First Date” is perfect. The last line is questionable, but it’s up to you about whether you want to keep it or not. “Things I Could Never Live Without” is very well written, as is “My Favorites.” Under “The Coolest Places I’ve Visited,” you should delete the last line as it is kinda corny. The question is written in past tense, so to say: “somewhere with YOU!” is cheesy. The rest of your answers are good… there’s some humor mixed with seriousness, which is great.

Your “Details” and “My Ideal Match” are fine, broad enough to attract the most potential matches. Again, the list of “Area of Study” is a bit lengthy and confusing. Try to pare that down as a I doubt you majored in six areas. Finally, I like your new profile name, but since you mention a comic book character. I would describe somewhere how you are the female version of that character — rather than just assume a reader will make the connection on their own (adventurous, sarcastic, etc).

Good Luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Justin T”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Justin T.”

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Hi Justin,

Kudos to you on some really great photos! Probably the best array of photos I’ve seen in quite some time! You show consistency, close-up and full-body, family and friends, hobbies and your career. In some photos you look heavier than you are (#2 on ski lift and #5 fancy suit). Those could be eliminated as you have plenty of great photos!

I also think your “In My Own Words” paragraphs are all pretty well written and your “Ideal Match” is general enough… except for the age range. Your age range is pretty narrow and I would strongly suggest widening both the younger side and the older side. Perhaps 25-35? I understand that at age 30 you want someone right there with you beginning a new decade. I can empathize with that, but some young women are old souls and some “older” women are young at heart. Not all 25-year-olds want to party til 5am and not all 35-year-olds are hearing the deafening roar of their biological clocks ticking.

I think you have a pretty solid profile. Since you are new to Southern California, I suggest going to local JDate events in order to meet people in person. You mentioned being concerned about your emails, so if you want to send me a few samples I’ll be happy to take a look and see how you can begin receiving more response.

Good luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Simone”

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Simone.”

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Hi Simone,

I’ll be honest — I don’t love your profile name as it doesn’t say anything about you or your personality. I’m assuming it’s your initials and your birth date, but that frankly could be just like the JDate-assigned member number. Try to figure out another way to brand yourself. Use your first name, your location, your occupation, your passions, your hobbies, any combination of the above to make your profile name both stand out and represent your personality better than a couple letters and numbers.

I like your photos and I appreciate how you used a clear, close-up image of your face for your main profile photo. I also like that you showed 2 full-body pics next, and then ended with another close-up, showing your consistency in how you look. Your 4th photo is not high-resolution though, so I would either replace it or add another photo. Low-resolution photos don’t get enlarged when a prospect clicks on it and therefore they can’t really see who or what is in the picture. If you don’t know whether your photos are hi or low-res, then click on the photo’s properties and see what size it is. Anything less than 300dpi (dots per inch, as in pixels) means your photo will appear pixelated if enlarged.

Your “In My Own Words” answers were all written well, but there are some typos which are easily overlooked. This can be fixed if read again with fresh eyes. You sound very content and independent, so I would talk more about why you are looking for someone to share your hobbies with and how much more life you have to live — which you want to do with someone else.

You’ve picked a great age range and are general enough with your “Ideal Match” without being too vague. If you wanted to broaden your search, you could add “single” to the marital status for starters and “conservative” to the religion since you state that you don’t care how religious someone is as long as they respect your level of Judaism.

I think you’re on the right track and I wish you the best of luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover – “Jewell”

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Online Dating

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Jewell.”

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Hi Jewell,

You said you don’t love your profile name, so let’s start there. You have the word “Jew” in your name, so by combining your name and, well, the fact that you’re a Jew, is an easy and awesome play on words. Sometimes the obvious is the best. No need to reinvent the wheel when it comes to your profile name, just go for something cute and unique. Use Jewellicious, Jew4Jewell, or take my lead and craft something new!

Your pictures are great! I prefer the 3rd for your profile pic because your smile seems more genuine there. Obviously you did a photo shoot, which is fine because you used three very different facial expressions and angles to show your look is consistent. To answer your other question, yes, it’s okay to use supplementary pics with your family. You are a mother, so showing pictures of yourself surrounded by people you love is to your advantage. Make sure you include a description stating they are your kids/grandkids. The only time I caution against using pictures with kids is when you’re the aunt or uncle because that can get confusing.

Your “About Me” paragraph is written well. Your concern for non-Jews contacting you on the site can be avoided by mentioning how important your family and your Jewish values are in that paragraph. You can also select the option to only be seen by Jews. I would try to answer at least a few more questions to prove that you’re putting forth the effort, just as you would like the men whom contact you to do. Same goes for the multiple choice questions like ”Likes & Interests” – if you have a few special hobbies, then select those from the list.

I appreciate that you maxed out your age range at 10 years your junior, but I don’t think you should be afraid to lower your minimum age range. Five years younger than you is still someone in the same stage of life.

By completing your profile and adding some more authentic photos, I think you’ll have more luck. You’re well on your way! Good luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Dateless”

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers each Monday. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Dateless.”

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Dear Dateless,

Upon first glance at your profile I would have a friend whose first language is English help you make fixes to the grammar and punctuation. What you have to say is good, but a reader could be distracted by the typos. Note to all JDaters: have a friend proofread your profile because even native English speakers will let a typo or two slip by!

Your path to converting to Judaism is very interesting and will be a great conversation piece for first dates — just be prepared to discuss it further. Also, you may want to give just a bit more detail about your divorce — namely, how long you’ve been divorced — so that prospects have a better idea as to your relationship history and current status.

Your main profile picture is great, but I would delete the one of you taking your photo in the mirror with your phone and instead add two more pictures of you smiling. I would also add another full length photo of you to show your body. An average of six photos is the right amount to show consistency: a mix of close-ups, full body and different angles, smiles and serious expressions, real and professional.

From looking at your profile, I can’t tell where you live. Make sure to fill out the questions properly because both places answer “where you’re from,” but neither says where you actually reside.

Also, answer a few of the multiple choice questions about  your “favorites” on the Likes and Interests page. The less a profile is completed, the less time someone will take to look at your profile.

Good luck!


Monday Makeover — Nice Jewish Boy

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers each Monday. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Nice Jewish Boy.”

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Luckily I know what NJB stands for (Nice Jewish Boy), I hope girls do too because otherwise your JDate username is a bit confusing. Although tacking your city on to your username was a good call. Acronyms are not always smart to use in your screenname (or your “About Me” spiel) because some initials can be taken the wrong way, while others will leave people dumbfounded. Adding your city to your username is smart because a person’s location search parameters can be cast wide — and this will remind them where you live.

I really like your photos — lots of different angles and different lighting, plenty of close-ups with a few full body shots — good job with that. Since you have friends, especially girls, in your photos I would add the captions underneath to describe who it is in the photos with you. Beautiful women in men’s photos can be intimidating (and same goes for the reverse — handsome men in women’s photos) so let JDaters know if it’s your sister, or a friend’s wife.

Your “About Me” paragraph is simple and to the point. Since you mention traveling as a new love, I would update and add new places you’ve visited after each trip. Adding the ages of your niece and nephew is tricky because you will have to update as they age. Updating is good, however, because it adds an “updated” badge to your profile. Still, being slightly more generic (ie “preschool-age niece and a nephew who’s a toddler”) is better for these purposes. You can be more specific on your dates! I especially like how you ended your essay with a bit of humor. Women like a man who can make them laugh. Good job.

I recommend expanding upon the “I’m Looking for…” and “My Past Relationships” sections (even if it means just adding another sentence). Answers for these questions can be cliche, but you’re not giving the question enough credit by only writing a few words.

I appreciate that you’ve filled out nearly all your “Details” as you’d be surprised by how many people don’t! The only two that are blank ought to be completed. As for what you’ve selected for age range, I would impress upon you to add two years above your own age for your maximum age limit. Even if you would never (and never say never) date or marry a woman older than you, you can’t make assumptions based on just a year or two. Additionally, women who are viewing your profile will be encouraged that just as you are open to a woman 10 years younger than you, you are also open to a woman a few years older.

I hope these slight tweaks help! Good luck!


Monday Makeovers: Lacking Responses?

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I would greatly appreciate it if you took a look at my profile and gave me some suggestions. I’ve worked with a love mentor for two years and have reworked my profile. I’m an attractive woman, write well and am accomplished. I just don’t understand why I don’t get more hits.

I do all the things that are advised. I’m on JDate regularly and even tweak my profile often. Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions? I have had some significant relationships (two in particular were with men I met on JDate). I want to meet my last special man!

 

Dear Lacking Responses,

You have a great screen name and lots of beautiful pictures showing your face very clearly. There are two photos (#6 & #7) which are basically repeats of number #2. I would delete those as they aren’t necessary. Otherwise, you did a great job with the profile photos! I especially like that you included ones with your daughters and grandchildren.

Your “About Me” spiel is very well written and straightforward about what you are offering a companion, and what you hope for in return. I think the second paragraph is bit much and can be overwhelming as you have already revealed plenty in the first paragraph. I would review that first paragraph one more time and see where you can edit it down as it can read as repetitive. You are using different adjectives to describe the same thing and you don’t want to lose the reader’s interest. Once you complete that task, then break it up into two paragraphs once again. Other JDaters should be sure they are not repeating the same ideas in their profile again and again as well!

Most of your other “In My Own Words” elements are concise and well-written. I would condense “The Coolest Places I’ve Visited” because it can come across wrong being that you’ve traveled the world. Plus, you can save this info for more conversation topics when you meet up with other JDaters in person. Something along the lines of “_________ was one of my favorites, but I have many and I’d love to share some of my more adventurous stories with you. I’ve been hiking different National Parks recently and can’t wait to explore our beautiful country with someone special.”

The same goes for “My Ideal Relationship” — condense the descriptiveness. Warmth, intimacy, joy, relationship, companionship, caring, nurturing, compatible, enrich, savor, enjoy, respect, and thrilled. If you read all those words in the span of four sentences, then you would be a bit thrown off as well, right? Trim it.

Finally, you should be proud of how great you look at your age and put your real age. Just as you don’t want to turn off men who make assumptions based on age, you shouldn’t do the same. Increase your maximum age limit a few years and be open to someone 10 years your junior.


Off and On JDate with an Updated Profile

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for several years, making sure to update my profile every now and again.

A few months ago, I signed up for a six-month subscription once again and reactivated my profile from the year before. I changed my essays and updated a few of my photos, but have received so little attention. Am I doing something wrong?

Even the emails I send out to guys (which I know are read) get no response! I have no idea if I am on the right track with my profile — or if there is something terribly uninteresting about it.

Additionally, all the matches I get are always the same people that I have either messaged, or I am sure I am not interested in. I changed my search criteria a little bit, but it didn’t change much. This is so discouraging and I am not sure what to do.

 

Dear Off and On,

After checking out your profile I have a few notes. First, your profile name is great! It shows you are both fun and creative. I like that you have multiple photos, I would only suggest that you have someone take clearer and more close-up photos of your face with great lighting — and I would have you look straight on to the lens! Then I would reorder the pictures and put the last three photos after the close-up. They show your personality and will bring a smile to the face of your prospects because, again, your fun side is shining through.

I really like your “About Me” and other paragraphs. I would go through and double-check your spelling and grammar — it’s not an uncommon error I find, and it’s also not a “make-or-break,” but it is nice to have a comprehensive profile.

I would try to spice up the section about what you like to do on the weekends… don’t lie of course, but try to show your adventurous side here by talking about what you WOULD do with the right person (jump in the car spontaneously to visit that restaurant you just saw on “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” in a neighboring state) or what you HAVE done (a progressive dinner with friends hitting up New York’s best restaurants for one course at a time) and not what you do the other 75% of the time.

Finally, in your preferences, I would widen the age range. Honestly, I don’t think that in your mid-to-late 20′s you would date someone three years younger (although I do appreciate the openness to doing so). I would bring your bottom range to a year below your age and your upper range to eight years above your age. 27-36 is a much more realistic range for you than 25-32.

Expand your search criteria for location as well since you are from one state and live in a neighboring state, there’s no reason to not include a wide radius! And don’t be afraid to take a new look at guys who you remember from a few years ago because, just as you have grown and changed, so have they.

I hope these tips help, and good luck finding your Beshert!


Looking for Prince Charming

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Relationships,Success Stories

Hi Tamar,

I have been on JDate since 2004 and have yet to find my Prince Charming. I have gone on my share of dates with all different types of guys – some guys are interested in me and I don’t feel the same way about them — and vice versa. I read so may JDate Success Stories and it is just so frusturating for me. I have renewed over and over again when my subscription expires and have had NO luck. When I do go out with a guy, it only lasts for two dates and I don’t hear from them again.

Maybe it’s me and I am doing something wrong? I want to find the man of my dreams and I want him to be Jewish. If you have any advice for me, I would really appreciate it.

-Looking for Prince Charming

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Dear Looking for Prince Charming,

I was helping my girlfriend revamp her JDate profile and when I took a look at her preferences and the results she was getting, and I saw the same men there from 6 years ago — WITH THE SAME PICTURES! This is a huge mistake people make when they have been on JDate a long time, or are returning after a relationship. I would strongly suggest you get all new photos, change your profile name and rewrite all your paragraphs. Nothing is worse than a stale profile.

Once you’ve completed that step, go to your preferences and see where you can make changes. It’s been eight years since you signed up and that means you are eight years older – which means your age range should be drastically different if you haven’t been changing it along the way. Other desirables must have changed as well — and if they haven’t, then you need to reassess your priorities because the kind of partner you wanted eight years ago should absolutely not be the same exact kind of partner you want today.

A profile makeover can often be a real-life makeover because you are forced to look at who — and how — you are dating. Start with the revamp and then see what happens. Give it a good month and then let me know how it’s going. I expect you will see results in your response rate immediately. After that, it’s up to you, and how you interact, communicate and connect with your new prospects.