Extreme Profile Makeover: “Barry”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

My friend is cute and sweet, but not getting any attention on JDate. Can you take a look at his profile and see what you think?



Dear “friend” of Barry,

You’re right… your friend is cute and does seem sweet! So, let’s see how I can help your, I mean, his profile get more attention.

Let’s start with the photos. I like the main profile picture a lot, but do prefer more of a headshot for this photo rather than one where we can’t see his face (although I can tell that he is indeed cute). The other two photos are just okay, but would be better if there was that clear close-up of his face so that these were the fun complementary photos since they are both kind of dark.

Profile Name
Leaves something to be desired. Very typical “male” profile name of what is likely his last name and some digits. Barry seems to have much more personality than this profile name suggests.

In My Own Words
You know, there’s nothing here I would really change. I like what he had to write, which is why I think the focus needs to be on fixing his profile name and photos to support this. I would add a bit here and there… saying that your history is not “brief” can be seen as a sketchy answer since a 34-year-old should really be able to answer this without writing a book like the 62-year-old JDater who asked for an ‘Extreme Profile Makeover’ last week.

I can deduce by his tidbit about Philly sports teams that he’s likely from there originally — at the very least he can expand upon that and explain how he got to Los Angeles. This can either go in the “About Me” section or “Brief History” section. He also mentions not being able to live without his family, so he can also add which family members he’s close to so that dating prospects can begin to create a connection.

His Details
There are WAY TOO MANY blanks in this section, which only adds to the sketchiness I mentioned before. Too many blanks, unanswered questions, and too short of answers make it seem like the person is not really taking this seriously. Not everything needs to be filled in, but “My Ideal Match” needs more. What are his general preferences for a woman’s age? I suggest 25-35 for a 34-year-old man. Since he has his bachelor’s degree and says he’s established in his career, then he likely wants a woman who also has a minimum of a bachelor’s degree. He says he’s Reform and never goes to temple, so he should add those to the list as well.

Find more profile advice in the book “How to Woo a Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” available now!

Extreme Profile Makeover: “Isaac”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I’m new to JDate, and I’ve been messing around with my profile here and there trying to write something great. I’m trying to share enough information about myself without writing my whole life story — I don’t want it to be boring, and want to be completely honest. I’m not sure why I haven’t gotten any replies to emails, or any initiation by anyone who is a good match. Can you please maybe check it out and tell me from your point of view what can be improved… or is a complete makeover necessary?



Hi Isaac,

Your profile looks pretty complete and well-written to me. So, I’m going to be nit-picky here and help you make your profile as awesome as possible!

This may be your biggest downfall, honestly. You’re a good-looking and TALL Jew, yet your photos aren’t of the greatest quality. And, until I glanced at your stats, I assumed you were a shorty… weird, huh? I don’t really like any of the photos enough to go through the motions of rearranging and editing them. Take new ones by someone who understands lighting and angles. Then you can add back in the photo of you with your sister at her wedding, and the last one with two friends — just be sure to write in the description that you’re the one in the middle… the tall one! You can also keep the second one and use that one as your profile photo for now until you get new ones taken. Delete the rest.

Profile Name
I believe you used your initials and birthdate for your profile name. It’s fine, but it’s not WOW, you know? You can use adjectives: TallFunnyNYJew or you can use the humor you say you live by and create a new, eye-catching name.

In My Own Words
I don’t think you need to rewrite much here. Just review it for some typos that you may not have caught. Also, since you’re 25 (a youngun in the dating world), perhaps add in a line about why you are looking for someone so they know you’re serious about a relationship.

My Ideal Match
You’re 25… your age range is 18-28… I appreciate that you follow my ten year age-range rule, but I also encourage those in their 20s to narrow the range (and encourage “older adults” to widen the range). You don’t want to date a teenager, even if she is in college and is mature. Edit your age range to minimum 21, maximum 27 — that will let prospects know you’re serious about finding someone. When I see a guy in his mid-20’s being open to dating an 18-year-old I immediately think “he’s looking for a hook-up,” and I don’t believe that’s the perception you want women to have.

Overall, I think you’re well on your way to a great profile! So the next step is to see if you are making the right moves to let women know you’re interested (views, Favorites list, sending Flirts, etc.), and of course after exchanging a few of these then sending an email. What are you writing and how is it coming across? If you would like me to review emails, then please feel free to send in some samples!

Did you know that How to Woo a Jew‘s longest chapter is all about creating your JDate profile? Grab a copy and see how you can revamp your online dating profile!

Extreme Profile Makeover — “Karen”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

Could you kindly eyeball my profile? I’ve gotten plenty of emails and very few are viable. I’ve tried to convey that there’s a certain lifestyle that I’m accustomed to, don’t want to give up, (and am capable of giving myself), yet I don’t want anyone to assume I’ll take care of them too. I know, can’t have it both ways, huh? Perhaps you could tweak that part? I’d be very grateful if you could give it a quick once-over.



Dear “Karen,”

I’ll get to the wording of what you want to convey about your lifestyle in just a bit, but let’s start at the beginning of your Extreme Profile Makeover.

I like you how you combined your name with a description — although I initially thought it was your first and last name combined (MAJOR no-no for security sake). In order to show that you’ve combined a few words without confusing prospects, try capitalizing the first letter in each word (i.e. instead of tamarluvsya it would be TamarLuvsYa, see the difference?).

You have some great photos to work with! Switch 1 and 2 and delete number 4 and then you will be good to go! Photo 2 shows you in a bright pop of color with approachable body language. Photo 1 is nice and shows your full body but it’s taken from further away. Photo 4 may be realistic, but it’s not appropriate for your JDate profile — you said it yourself by labeling it as a shot of you “tired.” Lastly, photo 5 is great, but don’t be surprised to get emails from men asking about your daughter!

In your biographical responses I don’t really see where you think it conveys that you live an indulged lifestyle and that men may think you’re a sugarmama (for lack of a better term). What I would suggest is maybe eliminating some Q&As. You don’t need to answer all of them because some of them are a bit repetitive and it comes across as overkill. Delete “My Past Relationships” since you mention your ex-husband in “About Me” and then combine and eliminate either “I’m Looking For” or “My Ideal Relationship.” And finally, eliminate “On Friday and Saturday Nights I Typically” and combine that answer with “For Fun, I Like To.”

Lastly, under Ideal Match I would consider narrowing your age range. A man in his late-40’s is a bit young for a woman in her late-50’s. Perhaps that’s why you’re getting men that you don’t consider viable. A man in his mid-60’s is a good maximum though. I would consider a 10-12 year age range, for a woman who is 58 that means around 54-66.

Good luck!


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Extreme Profile Makeover — “Allison”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I have reached out, via a ‘Flirt’ or email to a few different men.  They open my flirt/email, but don’t reply.  How can I update my profile to make me more attractive to the men I’m interested in getting to know?



Hi Allison,

You lead an exciting life and I think you convey that pretty well in your profile. You truly are an adventure-seeker, as opposed to the people who claim to be but haven’t left North America. Your photos, taken in different parts of the world, also back-up your claim as well-traveled.

I think the two places in need of the most help are your profile name and your photos. Your are an interesting woman in your late-20’s, your profile name should reflect your exciting youthfulness! Plus, you have that awesome red curly hair (girls with straight brown hair — like me — think that red curly hair is awesome!) that you can include in your name as well.


  • CurlyHairTraveler
  • HaveCurlsWillTravel
  • NoRedHeadedTemper
  • SeeTheWorldWithMe
  • CornersOfTheEarth

You can tack on your year of birth if something you’ve thought of is taken. Don’t use your age now, because you may still be on JDate on your next birthday and then it will become moot.

As for your photos, the second photo can be deleted as it does nothing for you (sorry!). All the others are consistent. The only full body photo you have is where you’re wearing a full-on coat, hat, scarf, and boots. Men may think you are trying to hide your body type, so try to find or take a photo of your body wearing summer clothing (now that it’s getting warmer that should be feasible).

A little spellchecking of your profile will help, but otherwise I don’t think that you’ve written anything offensive or over-sharing. In regards to your preferences in “My Ideal Match” you seem to be open to too wide of a spectrum for someone who isn’t yet 30. I suggest tightening your age range to closer to 10 years and to include your own age: 29-40. And I believe you can eliminate divorced, separated, and widowed from marital status at this point. Not to say you wouldn’t give someone a chance, but between the too wide age range and this, it looks like you’re willing to consider just about anyone.

As for what to say in your emails, check back on Wednesday for that answer!

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Extreme Profile Makeover — “Jane”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Today Tamar is giving a few profile tips for JDater Jane:

Hi Jane,

You’ve got a full profile so we’ve got a lot to get to. Let’s start from the top. Not in love with your username, but I’m assuming it’s your Hebrew name so it’s a unique take. You have so many interests that I think you could switch up and even use a variation of your email address “SeeJaneBake.”

You have 10 photos, which is okay, but unnecessary. #10 (your nephew’s Bar Mitzvah) is the best! Make it your profile photo. Keep the original #1 in the second slot, make the dog pic the third photo, and the black and white photo your fourth. Finally, put the Halloween hat as fifth and eliminate the rest. If you can take or find a photo that shows your body style then add it as sixth pic. The others are out of focus, or simply not as flattering.

Beginning with your “About Me” — you started off well, but ended on a less than positive note. Your first paragraph is okay, but I suggest deleting the second paragraph. I understand that dating is frustrating and that not receiving a response to an email is irritating, but your JDate profile is not the place to vent or lecture. Instead, I’d move part of your paragraph from “A Brief History of My Life” to this section, but toned down somewhat. “Call me Calamity Jane… I’ve experienced more tragedy than most people do in a lifetime, but I’m still standing. I’m a survivor and I’m proud. What does not kill you makes you stronger and I’ve also managed to keep a smile on my face along with a positive attitude through it all.”

I like your attitude about your divorce and about your past. Your age range is decent — 50-65 is good for a 58-year-old. Perhaps pushing it up three years would be beneficial — 53-68. I believe reordering your photos, spicing up your profile name, and editing your paragraphs to be simpler and more positive will translate into more contact by great prospects!

To learn more about revamping your profile visit www.HowToWooAJew.com.

Extreme Profile Makeover — Divorced Dad of 2 in Texas

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I am new to the online dating scene and would like some guidance on how to write my profile to make it more appealing to women.

Thank you.

-Divorced Dad of 2 in Texas


Dear Divorced Dad of 2,

Getting back in the dating scene — especially with 2 kids — is a big undertaking! I think you’ve done pretty well with your profile thus far. Here are my suggestions to make it better:

Profile Name:
A hybrid of your first and last name is a good idea… if you can simplify it by deleting the letters and numbers trailing at the end, it would be even stronger.

Profile Photos:
I really like your main profile photo! Great job! And I like that you both include and describe the pictures with your kids. You could possibly pare down photos 2, 3, & 4… but it’s not essential.

In My Own Words:
You refer to your gym by name twice. I don’t think it’s necessary — either delete one mention or at least delete the name. I don’t know the gym personally but mentioning it by name sounds like it’s supposed to be something impressive which comes off as pretentious. Or it could be that you’re hoping someone could just come by the gym to see you…?

I suggest referencing your divorce quickly, as in “I have been divorced # years.” I do love all that you say about your kids though! You can also simplify your “Brief History” because it’s supposed to be just that — brief. Prospects don’t need to know your exact lifetime timeline.

His Details/My Ideal Match:
I am not a fan of stating one’s income and I suggest not answering that question, although I do appreciate your transparency. You selected a good age range but there is no reason to put that you are looking for a “Friend” when you state in a different section that you want to be someone’s significant other.

Extreme Profile Makeover: “Illinois Lady”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I just joined JDate in January and I am getting mixed responses, mostly from older men that are unattractive or weird. Can you take a look at my profile and photo to tell me if something is not working? Everyone tells me that I look much prettier in person, so photos are always a dilemma for me. Please advise. I would also like to spice up my profile name as well!

-Illinois Lady


Dear Illinois Lady,

Your profile is well-written and complete, but perhaps too polished. You clearly know who you are, which is awesome! I would simplify your profile because men may wonder how they can fit into someone’s life who clearly has it all together (whether you do or not, it seems that way). Confidence is sexy, and I’m not telling you to appear less so, just to not sound so sure of everything.

There is a bit of repetition, and as I advise in my book “How to Woo a Jew” there is no need to answer every question if it means repeating the same answer over and over. You mention the Chicago Botanical Gardens a few times — as well as being outdoors, feeling free to contact you, and traveling. I understand that these things are important to you, but it’s redundant, and when people are skimming through a profile things like that can be a turn-off.

As you know, you need more photos. It’s tough when you’re better looking in person, but it’s worse when you’re not as good looking as your photos! So snap away and get some photo-ops in and upload a few photos that your trusted confidants agree looks the most like you.

As for your profile name, right now you have your name and what I assume is your birthday. It’s not a bad profile name, but you could do better. There is mixed thought on using your actual name as your profile name — on one hand, it gives off a sense of familiarity, but on the other hand it may not be the smartest in the sense of security. Make a list of adjectives and nouns that describe you: what you look like, what you do, your hobbies, where you live, and so on, and then try to combine two of the words into a catchy profile name. Try not to use your age, since you will eventually have a birthday and then your profile name will be moot.

I think you’re very close to having a really great profile! Once you have revamped your profile, go through your search results and view the guys you match with so they know you’ve viewed them and are possibly interested in seeing if there’s more.

Half-Hearted Profiles

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Why don’t people post answers to the questions, why don’t they post pictures, and why don’t they have a screen name instead of the serial number JDate gives them?

Dear Half-Hearted Profiles?

Respectively, I don’t know, I don’t know, and well, I don’t know. These are good questions and simply put, if someone didn’t take the time to complete their profile then you don’t need to take the time to look at their profile. It’s their loss and it’s a shame. I don’t understand why someone would sign up and then not finish filling out the questionnaire or post some photos. If you like the part of the profile you do see then it can’t hurt to send a message letting them know that you’d like to learn more, but don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back. Check out these links to see what I previously had to say about these topics: What’s in a Name? Everything. and Under Interrogation. Lastly, don’t let your frustration with people’s half-hearted profiles linger because then you’re letting their dating issues effect your dates.

What’s in a Name? Everything.

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate

Congratulations! You’re a member of JDate, the largest Jewish singles group in the world! You took the big, giant step for mankind and signed up to create an account and if you played your cards right you were probably able to convince your Jewish mother (who is without a doubt pining for grandchildren) to pay the membership fee.

There are a few rules that should be abided by to make your JDate journey both enjoyable and effective. The first has to do with your screen name. The long jumble of letters and numbers that you are automatically given is not acceptable, it’s lazy. Take the time to think of something original. At this point, your real name is inconsequential while your profile name is essential. On JDate, the first thing you see is the profile name, even before you see the photo. If your first impression is your only impression make it the best impression possible and take the time to spiff up your profile name.

I know it’s hard to think of something unique with more than half a million members, but it’s not impossible. Write down a list of nouns and adjectives that relate to your life. Between your name (first, middle and last), your hometown or current town, your schools (undergrad, law school, medical school, the acronym or even the mascot), your profession, your hobbies and descriptions of your appearance there are plenty of combinations that will both be unique and reflect something about you. Play with words, have fun, be creative and think about what kinds of profile names you would or wouldn’t click on and then apply that to yourself.