Love at First JDate: When to be Facebook Friends

by JenG under Relationships

After reading someone’s online dating profile and feeling enough of a burst of interest to meet them in person, you may find yourself on the steady track of getting to know them and seeing them weekly. But when is it time to finally connect with them, or easier said, be their Facebook friend, perhaps follow them on Twitter and begin to press the “heart” button on their Instagram photos?

Do: Wait to meet the person in real life before connecting with them across all or any social media platforms. If you’re able to figure out their first and last name before meeting them or after the first date, it’s fine to go ahead and innocently explore their profiles but don’t add them.

Don’t: Add that person on Facebook in the middle of your first date or before you have actually been out with them. If they ask you, before meeting you, to be your Facebook friend, consider going against that. It’s never a good idea to have someone look through years of your online information and photos before meeting you. Let the majority of their first impression of you be made in person, if possible.

Read more of Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


The Inverse Theory

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Nothing about online dating matters once you meet a person in real life. You could have the best-looking pictures, and the funniest profile. You could be the best online-conversationalist, but if you don’t know how to interact with people in real life, it doesn’t matter. You know who else is good at chatting online? Child predators.

My new theory based on absolutely no research, facts or observation, states that the worse the person’s online persona, the better they are in real life. Good people don’t spend too much time cultivating their profile. They spend time out in the world while their mother who is desperate for her son to marry because he’s 35 and still single, sets up his profile for him. He doesn’t care. He’s too cool to worry about his most flattering photos, and his profile that is just self-deprecating enough to seem cute, but just confident enough to seem secure.

Back in the 50’s, when JDate® consisted of a man at a typewriter staring out of his window with a telescope, life was so much easier. You would just walk up to a stranger’s home in the middle of the night to look for a quality guy. Now, you have to sift through hundreds of profiles to find that right balance between creepy and desperate. Chivalry is dead.

Go out there. Purposefully find the ugliest, stupidest profiles. Go for that shirtless guy taking a picture in his bathroom with an iPhone. Go for the dude who, under, ‘I’m looking for…’, wrote simply, ‘no fatties’. Once you do meet this man in the real world, you will marry him, or file a restraining order within the first 5 minutes. Either way, crazy story.


Pic Picks

by AndyCowan under Online Dating

What do your profile pictures say about you?  If you’re smiling, I think, “Here’s a nice person who connects with me and could really like me.”  After regaining my sanity, I think, “Here’s a total stranger grinning into a camera lens.”

Do you want to send the message that you’re unpredictable or quirky?  Try brooding and not smiling.  Although I’m liable to think I did something to offend you and I haven’t even met you yet. But that’s just me.  I even take spam personally.

Like staying on the go? Show it in a picture.  But remain still enough to take the picture, or you’ll resemble a blur.  Prefer rotting on the couch?  Photoshop yourself sitting not on the sofa but in a hot air balloon.  When they find out later you’re a couch potato, tell them the “hot air” was a message.

If you have a fun group shot with your pals, make sure each and every pal is less cute than you are.

Have a great picture with your ex?  When chopping him or her off, be sure to remove any remnant of the strange tattoos on their forearm, unless it’s to signal us it’s why you left them.


The Beautiful Profile Test Part 2

by jpompey under Online Dating,Relationships

For those of you who have been reading this blog consistently, you are probably aware of a blog I wrote in which I performed a little experiment on how many messages a beautiful girl would receive.

To rehash, a beautiful friend of mine made a profile on another site, was wearing a bikini, and received over 100 messages in an hour.

After this little experiment, which didn’t surprise me at all to say the least, I decided to try another little experiment.  The same girl agreed to create another profile, only this time, she was not wearing a bikini, but was dressed much more business like, with her hair up, and less makeup.

Same beautiful girl, different looks.

The results?  Less than half of the messages in the same time frame!

This once again re-enforces the fact, men are visceral creatures!  It may seem unfair ladies, but if you want to attract men, your profile pictures have to draw them in!


The Beautiful Profile Test

by jpompey under Relationships

Recently I did a rather interesting experiment; the results weren’t all that surprising.  We all know online dating is one of the greatest inventions to come our way, allowing us more opportunity than anyone in past generations has ever had.  But we also know that for a guy, there is a ton of competition!

So I wanted to put this theory to the test.  As a little experiment, a beautiful friend of mine and I created a profile for her on an online dating site and set out to see just how many messages she would receive.

Keep in mind that she is a very beautiful girl and she was placed in a bikini in the main picture.

Would you believe me if I said that she received over 100 messages in the first hour?  I kid you not.

And while this is an extreme example, due to a number of components, (she is very beautiful, was wearing a bikini, women are extremely visual), the results show that beautiful women are tough to attain.

This, once again, verifies why it is oh so important to learn the art of creating the perfect profile and mastering how to write messages that are funny, interesting and unique!


Any Suggestions?

by RollingStone9862 under Online Dating,Relationships

The other day a female friend of mine who had recently joined JDate asked me to take a look at her profile in order to potentially identify any areas that she could change or improve. While I am far from an authority on what people should put in their profile I did agree to take a look at hers since I have a pretty good idea of what the average male is looking for when he reads through a woman’s profile. Unfortunately, the problem I encountered during this process was that I already think my friend is great and know pretty much everything about her, which ultimately caused me to read through her profile with rose colored glasses on.

However just because I wasn’t able to give a particularly helpful assessment of my friend’s profile doesn’t mean that having someone with a different perspective read over your profile isn’t a good idea. I honestly believe, whether it is a person of the opposite sex or not, that having someone who doesn’t know you, or at least doesn’t know you that well, look over your profile is a good idea because then they can make objective suggestions for how to improve it. In the end what you choose to include in your profile is 100% up to you, and no matter what anyone else suggests it is important you only include things in your profile that you are comfortable sharing and represent you in the best possible light.

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Profile Picture Blues

by JeremySpoke under Date Night

Profile pictures, I think, are virtually useless. Photos often provide security from the inherent anonymity that online conversations often entail. It is typically, for me, more comfortable to chat with somebody if I have an idea of what they look like. I don’t want to sound vain, but I have to because I am so very vain. I don’t like the insecurity of knowing that the person I’m talking to is hideous.

Despite the security that photos often provide, it is often a false sense of security. I have yet to go out on a date with somebody that looks at all like their profile photos. To remedy this, I believe that everybody on this site should submit their most unflattering photo of themselves for their profile picture. That way, there will never be disappointment. Your date will stun you every time with his/her beauty.

For example, if you are skinny, start eating foods that are terrible for you for about a month. Next, have someone take a photo of you. Post that photo as your profile picture. Then, begin a strict routine of diet and exercise for the next month. Finally, go out on a date. You have no idea how well it will go.


A Classic Case of Denial

by jpompey under Online Dating,Relationships

The other day I received an email from someone asking me for some online dating advice on a profile.   Unfortunately I was not able to help fix it due to contractual obligations with partners of mine.

However, when I offered some of the services that my company provides, the person was quick to insist that the help was not really necessary and that she just needed to take a break.  She went on to claim that she has a great profile and has spent tons of time perfecting this aspect of her dating life.

Before going any further, it wasn’t a money thing.  When we got into deep conversation, all the self defense mechanisms came out through her writing and she clearly wanted to believe she needed no help.

Without sounding too mean and judgmental, the messages that were written, although extremely courteous and nice,  were full of things that would completely turn almost any guy off.  In addition, she asked for help with her profile theninsisted it was actually really good because she had worked so hard on it. She then went on to change her mind saying she just needed a break because she has spent years online dating.

This is what I call a classic case of denial.  This girl was nice, and had plenty of potential to find an amazing guy.  But she clearly needed help, then wrote off the need for this help when it came crunch time to accepting that help.

We all need a little help sometimes. We are too blind to our own faults.  It is only human nature to protect our own self esteem.   Heck, I was online dating for years before I figured things out.  My advice to anyone struggling out there is to never live in denial.  Get the help you need rather than wasting month after month with no success and tons of frustration.

My hope to this day is that this woman does eventually get the help she was originally looking for, because she was truly a sweet girl.

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What should the ideal online dating profile accomplish?

by jpompey under Online Dating,Relationships

In my last blog entry I discussed the importance of creating a great online dating profile if you are a male.  While writing these may not be fun, it is extremely important to women and can make or break you.

But this raises the question:  What exactly makes an online dating profile high quality?  There are a number of things that you can do to make yourself stand out from the crowd.

1.  Learn the art of strong language use.  Try to write things that make you appear to be a strong, confident male, and avoid weak lanuage and clingy sounding statements that so many males accidentally use.

2.  Incorperate methods that build on attraction.  Branching off the first suggestion, not only dowe want to appear strong and confident, but we want to implement qualities such as demand, value, mystery, etc. that increase attraction levels in females.

3.  Show a little humor.  Most profiles say the same thing over and over and over and over and… Okay you get the idea.  Show a little humor, especially witty, funny humor.

4.  Be conversational.  Engage the reader through your writing.

These are just a few tips I usually write about to get you started.  Good luck!


More “About Me”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

A JDating® friend of mine that I’ll call Jay asked me for help writing his JDate profile. The thing is, Jay’s current profile comes off as someone who is quiet and reserved while on the phone and in person his voice emits energy, enthusiasm and gobs of personality. This is a huge problem for people who simply are not good at typing or not good at conveying themselves on paper. But when it comes to JDate – or any online dating forum – you don’t really have a choice.

Jay needs to figure out how to let his personality come across in a way that would attract the same amount of women online as he does in person. But I wasn’t going to be writing the paragraph for him, because he needed to learn how to do it himself so when he does contact women via email he won’t run into the same problem.

I explained to Jay that this isn’t a business proposal and didn’t need to be so stiff and conservative. Although dating may feel like a job interview you can’t treat it that way. I told him to lay it all out on the line because he had nothing to lose. In this situation it was better to go too far and then edit and reel it in a bit rather than not go far enough. You can’t expect someone to read your blurb in the tone you wrote it, so you need to exaggerate and emphasize. Write your profile as though you were talking to your best friend – casual, relaxed, funny, friendly – but times 10.

Remember my tip about making sure the first few words are good ones because they will show up on the searches. Saying “I’m a vagabond” is not a great start (actual profile I found) because even if you have a really awesome explanation afterwards you first need the person to click on your profile.

This is the time you need to sell yourself. If you’re funny, don’t just say, “I have a sense of humor.” Instead say, “I promise to keep you laughing all day long.” If you’re smart, don’t say “I’m a genius,” but rather “I’ve never lost at a game of chess, but I’ll let you win.” If you’re successful, don’t say “I’m rich,” say “I’ve worked really hard but now it’s time to settle down.” (Or any variation of these phrases.) Try not to use (or overuse) clichés. Everyone is “looking to share the rest of my life with someone,” but how can you say it in a unique way that expresses your personality? Maybe “I want to fall in love with my best friend, someone I can golf with, watch “Top Chef” with and root for the Mavericks with.” This shows your interests and hobbies without just listing them and conveys the same message.

Simply put, you need to stand out – starting with the first few words and going from there. Keep the energy up, have someone who will be honest with you read it and allow them to critique and edit it if necessary. And remember, this isn’t the time to get offended – your loved ones want nothing but the best for you!