under Online Dating
Most writers are sad all of the time and then die alone. This is either because they sit in darkness and solitude all day contemplating the meaning of their own existence while they ironically get closer to death every minute they spend trying to think about what they’re supposed to be doing, or because they have really bad hygiene.
Luckily, I have pretty good hygiene and I always make sure that the light is on. However, every minute that I spend writing is a minute that I’m not doing something else, like walking. Even walking to the refrigerator provides enough of an experience for my body to release enough endorphins for me to forget that the only thing in the refrigerator is two-year-old V8, and if I were to drink it, I would die. It’s a really good thing I spend only about twenty minutes writing these.
So, every Monday and Wednesday night, I sit in my room and write these things. When I started, I wrote exclusively about dating, but I soon learned that 1.) I did not go on two dates a week and 2.) I have absolutely no practical advice to give to anyone who paid money for a dating service. So then, I decided to try to write about how not to act on a date, but realized that in order to know how to not act on a date, you would also have to know how to act on a date.
But then things got weird, because I never wanted anyone that I was dating and had met via JDate to read this. Luckily, they probably never did because either nobody found out about the fact that I wrote here or nobody cared. However, sometimes it would slip out, and I would get really nervous. I didn’t really think about the fact that this writing is just a reflection of myself, so even if they didn’t read it, they were still getting a pretty good idea of what I was all about.
Blogging for a dating site is a really weird thing. I’ve been writing here for two years. How do you take someone’s advice that you know has been relatively single for a relatively long time? You don’t. You read this because either you are interested in something that I have to say or you are my mom.
Dear Gems from Jen,
A bit curious on your thoughts about dating 101. I recently had two great dates with someone I met on JDate. As far as I could gather, it was mutually enjoyable for both of us. There were numerous calls back and forth and then another date was set. We spoke that afternoon and he said that he was really looking forward to seeing me that night and that we had a plan and would speak after he was done spending the afternoon with his kids. To this day, I have never heard from him. I even went as far as leaving a message making sure he was ok. I also said that if he wasn’t comfortable calling, I would appreciate an email just letting me know what happened and to let me know if I said anything that made him abruptly change his mind. Still no response. It’s obvious that there will be no communication. So, I am curious to hear what you think about this situation. Do you feel this is common to internet dating? I’m just a bit confused.
Dear Dating 101,
I’m not so sure this is just common to internet dating. This guy went past the internet and into the “real world.” My thinking went straight to making sure this guy was alright. It seems strange that you had been on two dates and had plans for another that very evening. Has he logged into his profile since you last spoke with him? If he has then the safety concern is unwarranted and now it is time to move into reality.
Let’s give this the worst case scenario for your situation. This is a man who you had two dates with and a third planned. He never returned calls or emails. My opinion, he is someone to run from and fast. He obviously has something that he is not sharing with you, not to mention the fact he lacks manners. Whether or not he was interested is beside the point at this time. An explanation to his absence would have been the right thing for him to have done.
I would not accept phone calls or emails from him if, and when, he decides to get in touch with you. The only excuse that would be justified would be a medical crisis or family emergency. Other than that he could have picked up a phone, sent a text message, or written an email. We all deserve to be treated in a decent manner and accepting anything less can create resentment and anger. Don’t give up the JDate search. There are a lot of guys out there who are willing to treat you with the courtesy we all deserve.
Gems from Jen