Changing Your Status… and Outlook

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

My friend Michelle flies out to Los Angeles over President’s Day weekend every February to meet up with all her sorority sisters. This time, I told her that not only should she change her location and About Me paragraph on her online dating profile to show “Los Angeles” but she should do so now, a few weeks in advance. Although she will only be visiting the area for the long weekend, you never know who you could meet, which means she also has to change her outlook regarding long distance relationships.

Needless to say, telling a guy you’re only coming into town for the weekend will give off a very wrong impression, so a little white lie may be necessary. Saying you’re “thinking of moving” may not be the truth, but it also won’t hurt anyone. All it will do is open Michelle up to more prospects. Sure, the guy may be on the other side of the country right now, but hey, since she hasn’t had luck in New York then why not give it a shot? If it’s Beshert then one of them will gladly move eventually.

When I met “S” while on vacation in Israel I was thinking of moving – although not out of the country! – so my mindset was open. And when “S” heard that I was in a transitional phase of my life, plus had a portable career, he started to consider the idea of something more developing between us. It was each of our openness that allowed a deep connection to develop so quickly, propelled him to ask me to move and gave me the ability to say yes.

It may sound weird to change your online dating profile to a city you’re only visiting for a short time, but why not see who’s out there? And if someone catches your fancy then why not make time to meet up while you’re there? Once I explained this all to Michelle she changed her location from New York to Los Angeles and made her first line in her About Me paragraph to read that she would “be in L.A. and is hoping to meet someone that will help me make a decision about moving to the City of Angels.” She also started checking out her matches in the area and contacted a few guys who caught her eye.

Michelle has already begun communicating with one guy and they’ve arranged to meet-up in a few weeks when she’s in town. Now she’s even more excited about her trip and is already looking for reasons to return even though she hasn’t even gone yet! By opening herself up to possibly meeting someone out of town she has reignited the fire within and now instead of being frustrated with being single she has a positive outlook about dating that she’s already emoting. Who knows, maybe this new attitude will result in her meeting someone in New York before she even goes to L.A.!

This was the whole point of my exercise with Michelle – to help her rediscover her spirit during what can be a frustrating journey. It’s so easy to lose sight of what kind of person you’re looking for and to let the quest get the best of you. By taking a trip, whether it be to a neighboring state or another country, and scoping out the prospects there, you can find that positive energy you’ve lost along the way. A vacation fling could be just what the dating doctor ordered!

Geographically Challenged

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I live in a mid-size Southern city where the Jewish population is very limited. Let me start out by saying that I cannot move because of business reasons. I am sure that they are lots of Jews in the U.S. who simply do not live in an area where there lots of Jews but still want to marry Jewish and raise their families Jewish. But simply put, the demographic is tough. I do not have the luxury of living on the East or West Coast, Chicago, South Florida, or even Atlanta. Nothing would make me happier than to find a nice Jewish girl who wants to settle down and have a family. BTW, I am 45, never married and am very happy with my life other than the fact that I cannot find a nice Jewish girl who wants to settle down and have family. It is challenging to  logistically “import” one. What suggestions do you have? Have you ever dealt with this issue before?

Dear Geographically Challenged,

You’re in quite a predicament. If there aren’t any Jewish gals in your town or surrounding area, then you’re going to have to, as you say “import” one… although in a much more polite fashion. Your JDate profile needs to read that you live in a great, but smaller town for business and are looking to meet women who would be willing to start in a long distance relationship and ultimately move to your town. This is not as complicated as it sounds, you’d be surprised how many women would move for love — I did! That said, you don’t want a woman who is willing to drop everything and then ends up relying on you for her happiness. I am a freelance writer and can carry on my business from anywhere in the world, so a woman who’s career is computer-centric would be perfect for you. On your end, you’ll have to be open to meeting women from anywhere, fly out to meet them and host them when they come to you. You are asking a lot, which means you have to be willing to make sacrifices on your end. My husband and I are living proof that it can be done, so don’t give up hope. You have the right attitude and the right idea, now you gotta go out and find your girl.