I think the unwritten rule that once you leave college you can’t make a new friend of the opposite sex is complete bollix. I understand that, as a single male, I am much more apt to view every woman I meet in terms of her romantic potential but I am very sick of viewing woman, and our interactions, this way. Case in point, as I’ve mentioned numerous times in past blogs, I haven’t gone out on what I would consider to be a bad date in over a year. That being said, however, I haven’t been interested in going out on many second dates, which has left me in a bit of conundrum.
You see, I’ve gone out on a bunch of dates with women that I didn’t feel a romantic attraction or connection with, though I would have loved to continue hanging out with them as friends. I know that this would be a much more reasonable request if I hadn’t met the women in question on a dating site, since then we wouldn’t have met under the sole pretense of seeing if we were romantically compatible. Yet, I still wish there was some wiggle room within this construct that would allow us the opportunity to become friends.
Recently I was on JDate scanning the list of women who were online and I noticed a woman that I had dated last year for about two months was logged on. Our relationship ended amicably with both of us agreeing that our schedules were too conflicting and that we just couldn’t make things work. However, I’ve always felt that, had we met under different circumstances, without the burden of expectations which dating someone brings, we could have become really good friends. Of course, when we decided to stop dating we both wished each other well. Still, I am someone who believes you can never have too many good people in your life, which is why I was tempted when I saw her online recently to say hello and ask how she was doing.
Of course I know that this is a big online dating no-no since, once you cease dating someone you’ve met online, you are supposed to cut ties and go back to the proverbial dating grind. Yet, I don’t like underlying reality to online dating. Having that been said I don’t know how I plan on changing it since I might be leading the way in this revolution without anyone marching behind me. I did want to get these feelings off of my chest. In the end there are many aspects of online dating that I enjoy and am thankful that it is a resource for meeting people which is available to me. Ultimately I know you can’t always have things just the way you want them when it comes to dealing with the uncertainty and unpredictability of dating. On this one subject, however, I do wish things were different even if I’m being way too idealistic in my outlook.