I was watching Friends with Benefits with (hot Jew!) Mila Kunis and couldn’t help but laugh out loud when the guy snuck out after sleeping with her on their 5th date. The problem is, she had actually told him about her 5 date rule, so why was she surprised when he was a perfect gentleman up until, and only until, then?
We all have our wonky rules about when a guy needs to call by for a date, or when we’ll kiss or, like the movie, when you’ll sleep together. That’s fine and totally understandable, but keep that info to yourself or just discuss it with your friends. By telling your date about your tests and rules, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ve basically laid down the gauntlet and who doesn’t like a challenge? But once that challenge has been fulfilled, you’ve set the stage for failure because nothing will be as thrilling.
under Date Night
Another broken rule that can be given a “pass” is when a guy calls to ask you out for the weekend after Wednesday. On one hand a man may need to know you require more advanced warning because you are a busy and popular gal, but if he’s calling you on a Thursday for Saturday and you have nothing to do and on top of that you actually like the guy, than why not accept the date? This “pass” is perfect for giving out (theoretically given out, please don’t actually tell him you’re giving him a “pass” or make a book of coupons) when you met the man within the same week or when you know he’s just returning from a work trip or when you had your first date a few days prior and you really enjoyed yourself and want to keep the momentum going.
A “pass” should not be given out in extreme circumstances. Sometimes you need to set a bar for yourself on how you wish to be treated and not let anyone manipulate those standards, no matter how charming he may be. Like when you emailed a JDate your phone number and he ignored it completely and continued to email you. A “pass” should not be given out when you feel disappointed or hurt because you don’t want to set a precedent that this type of behavior is okay.
Silly rules for dating have been created by people who used the tactics once – and coincidentally succeeded – rules are made to be broken for just this reason… they are silly! If you want to give a guy a break for waiting three days to call you instead of two, then do so. Who knows, he may be the one and had you not given him some leeway you would never have known that.
Dating is unfortunately filled with games and rules, playing “hard to get” being the biggest, but rules are made to be broken and you can’t always be so frigid and rigid when you’re single and desperately seeking. That means if a guy doesn’t call within two days, you shouldn’t automatically write him off. Now, I don’t believe there’s ever a good enough excuse with cell phones being glued to our heads nowadays, but sometimes a great guy deserves a “pass.”
This “pass” only works if you’re not sitting by the phone waiting and checking to make sure the ringer is on so you haven’t missed a call, or keeping your cell on vibrate in your hand during a movie just in case. This “pass” only works if you’ve been so busy working, schmoozing and, yes, even dating, that you didn’t notice the extra few days that elapsed between the time he asked for your phone number in the last JDate email and when he actually dialed it. The hope is that the guy was just as busy living his own life as you were living yours so he didn’t call until he had sufficient time to dedicate to speaking with you. Decide if you want to give him that “pass” but don’t let him know that. Be that easygoing gal that every guy says he wants. But do make a note of it in the back of your mind because if it happens again then it’s a problem.
More rules that were made to be broken next week…
under Date Night
Aah the quintessential first date exchange of resume and family history….how scintillating… Yes, it may give you some info, but really does it?? You don’t choose the family you’re born into and the reality is sometimes siblings are polar opposites. Not ideal, but not so uncommon. Then the resume… I’m a trained attorney who has been on the recovery path ever since–and I applaud those who don’t stick to the golden handcuffs through societal pressure norms and take risks and make changes. Whatever floats your boat and makes you happy when you get out of bed.
Yet, once in awhile you break the rules of what not to do on a first date and you simply connect. There is no guarantee that will predict the success of a relationship any better than a slow burning candle courtship, but it sure is genuine when you throw caution to the wind (not to mention fun), talk about real stuff and enjoy custard.