under Online Dating
I don’t have a “traditional” occupation, which means that I don’t have many free weekends and often have to work late. Furthermore, my work schedule is very fluid which unfortunately means that my plans end up sometimes being more tentative than I would like. As a result of my work situation, I often lose track of what day of the week it is; just because it’s 5:00pm during the week doesn’t mean I get to clock out, and the fact that it’s Saturday doesn’t guarantee I will have the opportunity to sleep in.
Even though, in many regards, this lifestyle wreaks havoc on my personal life, since becoming active in online dating I have realized one way that it has helped me. That is it keeps me from over-thinking the situations I find myself in. An example of this regards how most people reserve their Friday and Saturday nights for special people and plans and, therefore, they only want to have 1st or 2nd dates Sunday through Thursday nights. However, I don’t look at things that way.
You see, I don’t put a premium on Friday or Saturday and therefore I have no prejudices against having dates on those nights. It has been very obvious to me, through my experiences so far, that in the dating world it is taboo to give up a precious Friday or Saturday night for a 1st or 2nd date, but honestly I don’t have enough free nights to afford myself that luxury. Furthermore, it is just as likely that I can go into work a little late on a Wednesday morning as it is on a Sunday, so in that light I guess you could say that going out on Tuesday is just as precious to me as Saturday (depending on the week).
Of course, there are times when it is difficult for me to make plans, or I end up being embarrassingly late for a 1st date because of work, but in my search to find something positive in every situation at least I don’t have the opportunity that many daters have to over-think things. Maybe I’m a “Dating Old Man” since I don’t love the idea of all these unwritten dating commandments but, reallys what’s the difference? In the end I say do what you want, and if the other person doesn’t want to go out on a 2nd date with you when the only free night is Friday, then I ask you this: Is that someone you really want to go out on another date with anyway?
under Single Life
The weather this Saturday is predicted to be 80 degrees and finally reflecting of Spring – a serious “yippee” for us New Yorkers hibernating in our caves because we feel the winter has been never-ending. Along with this heat comes the extra bounce in our strides as the crowds fill Central Park, smiles are passed to strangers, outdoor neighborhood fairs pop up, and women are seen sporting shorter skirts and tanned skin. Hearts are filled with the promise of renewal and possibility of new romances. There are so many fun things to experience in the city. Will it be sun bathing in Sheep’s Meadow or a walking wine tour? Still yet to be determined…but either way, anticipate a new bounce in my step.
As I was getting ready for a date on Saturday night I began to think about my body language and what I am really saying with my non-verbal communication. I look at the body language cues my clients are always sharing with me, but my own have never been that important to me, at least in the dating arena. Of course there is always my grandmother’s voice in the back of my head reminding me to watch my posture and stop tapping my legs. But that is neither here nor there. She wants me to find a nice Jewish man so I kept those reminders with me during my date last Saturday night, too.
Remember learning how to interview? What is the cardinal rule? Eye contact! The more eye contact the better, that is if you are interested, of course. I was well aware of my eye contact last Saturday and it worked. I gave him long gazes and didn’t turn away, even when I was feeling uncomfortable or unsure of myself. Now, don’t get me wrong I wasn’t staring at him all night long, but I was giving him enough eye contact so that he was aware I was interested in what he had to say. I remained very aware of the times I looked away and made a conscious effort not to stare at other restaurant patrons, the ceiling, or the floor. I kept my focus on him.
I made sure my stance was open and inviting. I did not cross my arms and did everything in my power to ensure my body was facing him throughout the date. I leaned forward on a few occasions, just so he knew I was paying attention.
I made sure to laugh, give him open lipped smiles, touch his arm when the moment seemed right, and tilt my head every so often.
None of these non-verbal tasks were difficult, but that’s because I was interested. Since I was so keenly aware of what I was doing, I decided to study his body language throughout the evening as well. He initiated and returned my eye contact. He never crossed his arms, and he leaned in towards me on several occasions. We began to mirror each another using a completely non-verbal language. My findings? He called- we are going out again this Saturday. Wish me luck.