Giving Up on Giving a Guy a Chance

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

There’s this guy I met on JDate about a year ago and we went out for a while; even though he definitely saw a future with me, I never felt there was a future, so I broke it off. I dated a few guys since then, and although there was more chemistry, they didn’t treat me as well and there were lots of other issues. I keep thinking back to that first guy, and wonder if I should give him a second chance to see if the attraction grows. What do you think?

-Give a Guy a Chance?


Dear Give a Guy a Chance,

You can’t force attraction, but you should allow yourself to open up to things that feel different. That initial attraction is often lust, which can dissipate over time. Being treated well and having a relationship grow based on respect and commonalities can create a much deeper bond and attraction. But, if you’ve given it a fair shake and there’s just something missing, then it’s only fair to the both of you to break it off again.

Be honest and be kind — this man has now been vulnerable with you twice.

Take Another Look

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

One day a long time ago you went on one JDate. It was okay but it wasn’t earth-shattering. Two years, five years, and even ten years later… it’s time to take another look. That guy or gal may not have been for you back then but he or she may be perfect for you now. Don’t discount someone just because you remember them from way back when. Everyone evolves over time (hopefully) and along with it, your preferences will (hopefully) grow too… and for the better. So take another look and give that person who fits your preferences perfectly another chance. But make sure you go into the date with an open mind of really giving the prospect another chance and don’t just assume he or she is still the same person and that you’ll be disappointed. Chances are you’re both in for a nice surprise — maybe you’re not Beshert but that doesn’t mean it’s a total loss… you can always set each other up with a friend now that you know who they have become since the last time you met.